tkgirl Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 I could use some advice... there's a guy I really really like that wants to give it a go again with me. It's a long story... we dated a while back... things kind of just fizzled... both busy etc. whatever... now he's back... told me he missed me and wants to get together to talk this week. SO! my question is, how do I reign in my feelings a bit and not just jump back into his arms? I've never been very good at the "game"... either I like someone or I just don't... but I feel like with this guy I really need to hold back a bit and let him pursue me again. But how? seriously, I could use some tips.... thanks!
SoulSearch_CO Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Hrm. I guess let him initiate contact, for the most part. That's what I did with my BF (I wasn't sure how much I liked him at the time, so that may have had a lot to do with it). I rarely contacted him first in like the first couple months. It wasn't until we were really IN a relationship and we had understood "scheduled" times for phone calls that I started calling him. I email him from time to time if I have something funny/interesting to share with him (we're two hours' drive apart). Other than that - I don't know what to tell you. Good luck.
Dexter Morgan Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 I could use some advice... there's a guy I really really like that wants to give it a go again with me. It's a long story... we dated a while back... things kind of just fizzled... both busy etc. whatever... now he's back... told me he missed me and wants to get together to talk this week. SO! my question is, how do I reign in my feelings a bit and not just jump back into his arms? I've never been very good at the "game"... either I like someone or I just don't... but I feel like with this guy I really need to hold back a bit and let him pursue me again. But how? seriously, I could use some tips.... thanks! I'd be very careful with that line of thinking that you have to play games and make him chase you. He may catch on and become very uninterested. I had a girl play those games with me back in my younger days. It turned me off. Once I stopped calling she started calling me. But by that time I realized she was a game player and I didn't want her.
Author tkgirl Posted February 23, 2009 Author Posted February 23, 2009 I'd be very careful with that line of thinking that you have to play games and make him chase you. He may catch on and become very uninterested. I had a girl play those games with me back in my younger days. It turned me off. Once I stopped calling she started calling me. But by that time I realized she was a game player and I didn't want her. exactly why I hate the "game" myself... I'm a little older (lol) and am all for good old fashion honest communication... but I just feel like I really need to let this guy pursue me.. just a little bit, so I can really see how he feels about me. We have a bit of history already... I know I really like this guy and want to be with him but I think if I tell him that too soon, I will scare him off completely. I'm one of those people that can't hide my feeling very well.. but I think I need to with him... just for a little while anyways. Problem is, I don't know how! seriously, I just don't... anyways, thanks guys for your comments so far!
carhill Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 told me he missed me and wants to get together to talk this week. "I'd love to. Do you have a day or time in mind?" If you're interested, show interest and let him be proactive.
Author tkgirl Posted February 23, 2009 Author Posted February 23, 2009 thanks Carhill... I think I've played it cool so far. Last week when he emailed me... guess I should have told you all we have not "talked" yet.. he asked when I was available to talk. I responded that I had a lot going on this (past) weekend but that hopefully we can figure something out soon. He wrote back "OK, I'll call you next week sometime" meaning this week. So now I just have to wait and I'm ok with that... gives me time to think about what I want too. I'm just a little worried about how I might act when we do get together... like I said, I'm pretty much an "open book" but I have to somehow reign in my feelings a bit I think... I need to see how he really feels about me before I jump back into anything with him too quickly... yikes... why does this guy make me so nervous?
carhill Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Hello! You're interacting with him, not marrying him and having his babies. If he interests you, consistent response to his interest will create more interest. His job is to proactively assert his own interest. "How does Wednesday, maybe just a quick drink in the evening, sound?" (from him).... "I could fit that in. Looking forward to it" or "I've got to work then but how about Thursday?". Continuity of interest. IMO, playing it "cool" is for those who wish to attract like into their lives or for people who have ongoing friendships where there are no expectations. When he asked you over the weekend and you were busy, you suggest a weeknight/day which is open for you. You do it while on the phone. Seize the moment Showing less interest is a consistently great way to remain single
Author tkgirl Posted February 24, 2009 Author Posted February 24, 2009 Showing less interest is a consistently great way to remain single so that's why I'm still single! LOL! seriously though... I do appreciate your input. I feel like I have been guilty of playing it "too cool" with him in the past, but more a defense mechanism, know what I mean? Anyways, when he emailed me Sat. AM about calling me next week "sometime" I responded with a quick "cool!" then added a smiley face... man, sometimes I feel like I'm in high school again! LOL! I just want to see him... NOW! I'm tired of all this.... stuff!
carhill Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 If he e-mails you again, respond "call me". Then, don't respond again until he does. We teach people how to treat us.
Author tkgirl Posted February 24, 2009 Author Posted February 24, 2009 If he e-mails you again, respond "call me". Then, don't respond again until he does. We teach people how to treat us. yep, you are so right! But he did say he would call me "sometime" this week... so now I just wait.... or not! but I WON'T call or text or anything him... HE'S the one that said he missed me so... I just wish he'd call soon...the suspense is killing me! Do you think he's just taking his time now...playing it cool because maybe he's a little embarrassed that he told me he missed me? hmmmm.... I'm off to bed now.... looks like there won't be a phone call tonight. thanks again Carhill.. you rock!
carhill Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 Hope you sleep well. Hey, at least he still has to call you to contact you. I've been getting some contact this evening and no phones were ringing The critical factor, IMO, is that you cannot control his attraction or interest, as much as you might desire them. It has to come from within him to properly pace any potential romance. He says he will call. Good on him. Expect that he will but don't dwell on it. Send those signals If he e-mails again like nothing has happened, merely reply "so, you forgot my phone number, or did you leave your calendar in the john?" You know men really do marry b!tches
Author tkgirl Posted February 24, 2009 Author Posted February 24, 2009 Hope you sleep well. Hey, at least he still has to call you to contact you. I've been getting some contact this evening and no phones were ringing The critical factor, IMO, is that you cannot control his attraction or interest, as much as you might desire them. It has to come from within him to properly pace any potential romance. He says he will call. Good on him. Expect that he will but don't dwell on it. Send those signals If he e-mails again like nothing has happened, merely reply "so, you forgot my phone number, or did you leave your calendar in the john?" You know men really do marry b!tches too funny Carhill... guess what book I just started reading? "Why Men Love Bitches"!!! I realize I have a LOT to learn still... but soon I'm going to be one happy b!tch
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