tfb Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Before getting married I had dated my husband for 4 years. Things were great, passionate & fun. We got married last spring (less than 1 year ago) and bought a house that summer. Soon after the wedding things began fizzing away (for me). I really enjoy his company and enjoy cohabitating with him but am not interested in any sort of physical or romantic relationship with him. I am not attracted to him. I feel guilty about this because he is a great person & he loves me more than anything. I don't want to screw him with a house payment he cannot afford on his own, but I don't want to string him along thinking that this is working for me. I honestly just want to be friends. I guess I just need guidance, I am young & probably got married too soon (duh). But now that I'm in this, I need to figure something out. Any insight?
SmartWoman321 Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 My advice is to come clean with him and suggest marriage conseling. You should be able to find it low cost or free if you have no insurance. You need to deal with this issue NOW, or you will end up like me- feeling that exact same way but then the kids come along and you are stuck and it gets harder and harder to end it as time goes on. But you have to give MC a chance....
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 I think that;s kinda disgusting marrying a man who loves you outta false pretenses and turning around and telling him you just want to be friends??? WTF I'd have the marriage annuled!!! The problem is not him, it's definitely you! you are probably one of those women who love being in love, the honyemoon phase of relationships and when that dries up you seek greener pastures. good luck to your future because if you dont fix those problems any long term relationship you have wont work out because YOU cant seek help.
Mountains10 Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 Yeah the 'I want to be friends' line but not be married doesn't work. My wife's pulling that crap now. I don't need friends that put me thru that much pain and I doubt your husband does either. I'm not sure I understand that part where you dated for 4 years then married. That doesn't make any sense to me whatsoever. Why would you date a man for 4 years, then after a year of marriage, decide it's over. You two need counseling, don't be so quick to throw in the towel. Try and figure out what's missing from the relationship before you give up on a guy that sounds decent.
cyabye Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 Chrome, By reading your post I just realized that is what I was dealing with for 10 years (off/on/off/on etc.). A woman who loves the honeymoon phase only and then seeks greener pastures. No hope for a long term healthy relationship with any meaning (especially when life problems are involved). Thanks man. To the original poster, There is NO such thing as "being in love". There is only love itself. "Being in love" is that infatuation feeling you get when things are new. Love is long lasting and a choice. "Being in love" fades away in time in any marriage and should turn into a deeper love that is based on respect and caring. All a choice. Hope this helps, cyabye
confused71 Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Before getting married I had dated my husband for 4 years. Things were great, passionate & fun.Soon after the wedding things began fizzing away (for me). I really enjoy his company and enjoy cohabitating with him but am not interested in any sort of physical or romantic relationship with him. I am not attracted to him. I feel guilty about this because he is a great person & he loves me more than anything.I honestly just want to be friends. Jesus,why are you suddenly not atracted to him ?I feel sorry for the guy. Basically, that feeling you get in your stomach when you first meet someone is not love,Its nerves.Some people seem to think that when this feeling is gone then they 'are not in love ' anymore.
toddro Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Tell your boyfriend on the side I said Hi....
Mountains10 Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 I honestly just want to be friends. I guess I just need guidance, I am young & probably got married too soon (duh). But now that I'm in this, I need to figure something out. Any insight? Yes, stop making excuses for yourself for starters.
carhill Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 One would think the honeymoon phase would pass after 4 years of "dating". OP, did you live together prior to marriage? I'll concur with the suggestion for MC. IMO, you need to find out why you feel this way, regardless of whether this M succeeds or not. Grow yourself. With growth, if you loved/love him and are compatible, passion and romantic interest can be rediscovered. I wish you well
BCCA Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 No one wants to be friends with the person that just dumped them, but everyone wants the person they just dumped to remain their friend. I certainly dont think your husband is going to go for it. I wouldnt, would you? Probably not. Think about it realistically.
TrustInYourself Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Who is the guy you want to be romantically involved with and does your husband know?
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