steve9417 Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Hi LS - this is a simple question - whats the payoff for thinking of an ex a lot ? i know rationally it wouldn't have worked - i loved her but she chose to hook up with a new guy quick after we split - we talked about getting back together but really all she did was want to hurt me over a 6 month period and ended up choosing the new rebound guy so over 2 months later i still think of her - any ideas why ? i'm not too worked up by it only curious (as to the payoffs for doing so) ........ interested in your thoughts
Island Girl Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 There are no payoffs. You are playing shoulda woulda coulda. It's like reviewing the hands that have been dealt and played in BlackJack. You can see really clearly what you shoulda woulda coulda done after the dealer turns their cards over. But you didn't and that hand is still over. Your best bet is to start focusing on something else if she pops into your head. Anything that just keeps your mind occupied so you can break the cycle. Then it will just go away altogether.
Author steve9417 Posted February 23, 2009 Author Posted February 23, 2009 Your best bet is to start focusing on something else if she pops into your head. thanks island girl ...... i'm conscious that my question is part of the problem (not the solution) that keeps me in the loop of the past ....... as they say you generally get what you focus on - and in this case i'm focusing on her ......... which is dumb !! in a way i can accept why i think this way after what happened - its just part of the letting go process and the moving towards a much more healthy and loving relationship so the answer to my question is not really important - what is, is me and the here and now ........ that's plenty enough to celebrate will you look there ......... i answered my own question
Island Girl Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 so the answer to my question is not really important - what is, is me and the here and now ........ that's plenty enough to celebrate will you look there ......... i answered my own question YAY! Now start using all of that wasted time towards something you'll really get something out of! Focus on you and what you have always wanted to do! Hobbies, etc. Good for you.
Author steve9417 Posted February 23, 2009 Author Posted February 23, 2009 Now start using all of that wasted time towards something you'll really get something out of! thanks again - i intend to do exactly that ........ good luck to you too !!!
EmperorR Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 it took me like 4 months to stop constantly thinking about my ex I still do every day but it's just like oh then I refocus on something else and get on with my day. So for me as time went on it got better for me.
CaliGuy Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Hi LS - this is a simple question - whats the payoff for thinking of an ex a lot ? i know rationally it wouldn't have worked - i loved her but she chose to hook up with a new guy quick after we split - we talked about getting back together but really all she did was want to hurt me over a 6 month period and ended up choosing the new rebound guy so over 2 months later i still think of her - any ideas why ? i'm not too worked up by it only curious (as to the payoffs for doing so) ........ interested in your thoughts Payoff? None. You are losing. You lose emotional energy. You lose time that can never be recovered. You lose the opportunity to meet someone new. You lose FUN! There is NO reason to waste any of your time on someone who doesn't want to be with you. It's a LOSE/LOSE proposition for you. If your ex wants you, NC or not won't matter. They'll find you. They always know how to find you. No amount of planning, scheming, worrying or whatnot will matter. You simply have no control over other people. None whatsoever. You can't even lead them to water. Put it this way: Can anyone MAKE you love them? No. Then what makes you think you can make anyone love YOU? Wasted time. Wasted effort. Wasted life...
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