hairgurl Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 my ex and i were together for 2 years and broke up 2 years ago. a few months back he got back in contact with me saying he missed me and was sorry for how things ended between us and i was happy to see him ive missed him a lot. since then we talk often hang out go out but we pay for ourselves just like friends. well we slept together a little bit ago and it was amazing it was more intimate then any time i can remember with him but afterwards he says that it was a one tme thing and wont happen again and it doesnt mean were back together. thats fine but the thing thats driving me crazy is when we hang out he acts just like he did when we were togerher and if a guy flirts asks me out or comments on how i look he gets real defensive. if i get asked a question he answers for me and if hes talking about himself hell ask me for conformation. he has these rules he is so stubborn about his rules and what i dont understand is he feels an ex is an ex for a reason theres no need to bother with an ex after the fact. he wont be friends or have any contact with an ex but when it comes to me he made the initial connection and started the friendship he calls me when hes upset or just wants to talk. hes the one whos always asking for us to hang out hes even the one who started the love session but yet when it comes to getting back together he wont budge. he has told me if we didnt have a past hed be trying to be with me but we cant because it didnt work before it wont work again. yet hes extremely flirtatious and the fact we slept together i dont understand whats really going on. is he interested or am i just wasting my time and hoping he'll get over his dumb rule and get back with me? all his friends tell me we'll get back together but i think theyre just saying that to be nice.....HELP
Geishawhelk Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 e is using you. Read that agian, because I think you'll find it's true. To him, you're a fruck-buddy - a friend with extra benefits - he gets to control you and call the shots, AND have a screw when he feels like it - but you don't get anything out of this - NOT A DAMN THING - because you're just riding along on hope, a wing and a prayer. He doesn't want to go out with you. He doesn't want to be your SO. He doesn't want to commit to you. Yet he treats you like his possession when you're out, and he still get to go between your legs because you're happy to lie there and take it. Great sex....? Big deal. I live in the UK, and I can smell it stinks from here.
Ronni_W Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Hugs, hairgurl. I do agree with Geisha -- there is NOTHING in how he is treating you that suggests that he "still loves" you. Heck, he's not even showing any caring for you. Maybe turn it around, and start to think about what YOU want from your romantic and platonic relationships; how do YOU want to be treated; what qualities and character traits do YOU value? What would make YOU feel important, significant and treasured? Respect, admiration, appreciation, an equal voice, companionship, intelligence, maturity, positive/assertive communication skills, optimism, compromises, honesty, trust, acceptance, understanding, being heard, etc. High-quality sex is a very poor substitute. It ought not matter if HE wants to get back with you (which, it doesn't really sound like that, anyway), what is important is do YOU want to be with someone who treats you so carelessly and like a...piece of property!? I'm honestly not even getting that you have "second class citizen" status. You ARE important -- your feelings, thoughts, beliefs, needs and desires DO count. You ARE worthy of being treated with respect and dignity. And you do have the power and control to have that in your life. You don't have to sell your Self short. (Please don't do that!)
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