jessiecar Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Sorry for this rant. I need to get this out...And I don't expect anyone to read this... My bf and I have been together for over a year now and I'd say we've had a real good relationship and really love each other and like to be together. Other than an issue We've been having lately because of some birth control pills which have effected my mood (which I posted about on one of the other forums), we've had it pretty good together. One thing I've always known about him is that he is very attracted to tom-boy type girls. He really likes the tough, not-so-girly girls and he even admitted this to me during a conversation we had a few days ago. He said, "I never would have thought I'd be attracted to a girl like you because you are more on the girly side" I guess this offended me mainly because I don't agree that I'm more of a girly girl. I know that I'm no tomboy, but I'm somewhere in the middle. I don't see myself as being as materialistic as 95%of the girls I've been around throughout my life. I don't have a lot of clothes or shoes and never have. Keith (my bf) has even admitted many times before that I really don't have a lot of clothes or shoes or things compaired to most girls and that he even has more of these things than me. All the clothes I have literally fill up about 2 small laundry baskets. I also don't spend a lot of time on my hair and makeup...it never takes me more than 10 or 15 minutes. I've never gone tanning or had my nails done or had my hair styled or colored or even proffesionally cut. I've actually been known to cut my own hair (and make it look like crap...lol) just to save money. I don't have any expensive jewelry and rarely do I even wear any less expensive jewelry. I probably have 1 or 2 necklaces and 3 pairs of earrings that I only sometimes wear. When I was a kid, I was never one to really play with dolls or play dress-up or any of that. My favorite things were running through the creek with my dog, exploring and building forts in the woods, or playing "wolf" or "Lion", as I called them. I'm still the type of girl that would rather take a road trip to the mountains, go camping, or sledding, or swim in the lake, than get all dressed up and go dancing or something. Keith has told me, "well, I've never seen you do these things", which is true...he hasn't, but it's not because I don't want to, it's mainly because I have not had a lot of free time in the last year or so. I've been working and just trying to hold my life together. It's funny though because I know I've suggested these types of activities to him many times before and he never seemed to be interested in them, so I kind've gave up. The worst part was when I told him all these things and said that I think and have always thought that I do have some tomboyish-type qualities in me, he literally looked me in the eye and said, "No, you don't". It's hard accepting that he has quite a few tomboy girl friends that he's known for a while. One in particular that trains at the same MMA (mixed martial arts) gym that he trains at is a girl that he really had a thing for before him and I got together. This girl ended up expressing to him that she wasn't into him in that way and just wanted to be friends, so at times I sort've feel like I was just his second option. We were hanging out with some friends a few nights ago. One of them was one of the tomboy girls that he is friends with. She mentioned something about how the perfect date was just kicking back in some pj's with a guy, watching a good movie, and drinking some beers. I mentioned how this was one of my favorite things, too. Keith was sitting next to me and made a weird scoffing sound after I said that. I'm not sure if he meant anything by it, but if he did, it confused me since this has been something that him and I do a lot of since we started going out--just relaxing, drinking a beer and watching a movie. I've never expected nor have I really ever gone on any expensive dates with him. We've gone out to movies and such, but it's nothing I expect and I'm never the type that expects the guy to pay for everything on a date. I think the main reason he doesn't seem to think I have any sort of tom boy qualities in me is because I'm not really interested in the sport that he is becoming really involved in--mma. He seems to believe that if a girl doesn't want to fight, than she is a sissy. Or, at least, that's the attitude he takes with me. It's strange because I'll often wrestle around with him at home and he doesn't even appreciate that. He put the big punching gloves on one night and was punching me all over with them and I was laughing and having a good time with it all, so I just don't get why he seems to think I'm a total wuss. But I told him I'm just not really interested in getting involves in this mma sport mainly because I don't really like a lot of physical contact with other people. It's just kind've a pet peeve of mine. It's not that I'm afraid of pain or anything. Also, I've been talking to him about how I really want and plan on someday running the iditarod (it's a 1,000 mile dog sled race in Alaska) this is something I have wanted since I was about 8 or 9 years old and I am very serious about it. The iditarod is one of the biggest tests of indurance that I can think of and he doesn't seem to think anything of that nor has he given me any credit for having this goal. Going out by yourself (well, with dogs) for about 3 weeks and surviving in the wilderness of Alaska during a time of year when temperatures drop to about -40,-50 below....if he thinks this is sissy in any way, then I just don't know!! Jeez.
Cal999 Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 I know how it feels to want someone to see something in you that you can see but they cannot - it's frustrating to say the least. You are not wrong in thinking that you have only been chosen because she (miss tom boy)turned him down. Maybe you should tell him to a least act like he's not into tom boys around you, because he obviously can't see it
Els Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 Don't you think something's wrong if you keep feeling like you need to prove something to your bf?
georgejungle Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 I agree...Having to prove yourself or even having the feeling like you NEED to prove yourself to this guy, isn't healthy. Not good for you, not good for him. Why he'd even admit that he's not normally attracted to girls like you, is weird. I could see how it could offend you. BUT don't get self-concious about it. Don't feel like you have to change for him. Do your thang and be yourself. If he can't see you for what you are ( i know, boring, same ol' answer, but it's true) and you're not feeling appreciated fully or desired or respected, then i'd say LATER!
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