lillybug Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 I need some advice... I knew this guy in highschool and we always had a thing for each other. But unfortunately it never got farther than friendship back then. I think it was because we ran in different circles...lol I ran with a cooler crowd then he did haha Anyways So I was a grade above him and when I graduated we lost touch. I went off to college and three years went by before I happened upon his myspace profile. Well I friended him and he actually couldnt remember who I was! haha I refreshed his memory and we began talking again. Soon we were talking everyday on AIM. It went on to texting and soon phone calls. Over a period of almost five months we talked constantly. We then decided to try and meet up. By this time his family had moved and he was attending college about 4 hours from me in another state. We made plans a couple of times but they all fell through. Finally on Valentines day I made the trip to his apartment. We spent the weekend together and had the most amazing time. We talked, laughed, cuddled, kissed, and acted as if we had never been apart. I felt so comfortable with him, and he seemed to be everything I was looking for in a man and he felt the same towards me. i know its soon but I think there is a real connection here. Im not saying hes the one but there is def something special. But the weekend had to end and I had to go back to school and work. So we decided to leave the relationship up in the air. Well its been a couple of weeks and I cant stand not having him to myself. I want to be in a relationship but its complicated. I am really impatient and a dreamer--while hes grounded and rational. (complete opposites but we compliment each other wonderfully) I dont want to wait around for things to work themselves out, if they ever will... He cant afford to come up to my place just yet because his car is in the shop, which is going to end up costing a lot of money. Well the other night I was getting sick of not knowing what was going to happen so I asked him. I texted him asking where this was going and how he felt. I told him I needed to know now because I didnt want to waste my time or his if he didnt feel anything. Well he texted back that he has strong feelings but the whole long distance thing is hard. Hes had bad experiences and is afraid to get hurt again. I didnt understand this because Ive had bad experiences as well but in my opinion if you feel strongly about someone its worth the risk...but thats who he is, hes safe. I thought I would just move on or whatever but i cant. he texted me recently apologizing for having a fear of long distance relationships and letting it get the best of him. We still want to try eventually but he wont be able to visit for another month or so. And i know he wont commit to anything to at least then. I certainly dont want to give up but Ive never been one to wait around for a guy to make up his mind. I really like him; ive never felt this way before. But I mean i dont want to continue to build my feelings if in a couple of months he decides he still doesnt want to commit. This is so frustrating! I know he feels the same but hes safe and rational! (which i love most of the time--but not is this instance! ) So what do I do? is there a way to convince him its worth the risk?? also any advice on being patient and not scaring him off? any signs i should look for that hes thinking about not ever committing? Thanks everyone
Mag-Lone-Freak Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 I feel like I'm in a similar situation with guys abroad, and agree with you greatly in your statement about if you feel strongly about someone its worth the risk. I guess when it comes to guys, no means no. Thats always my moral anyway. Stay in touch with him, see him in a month if thats what he said and see what happens then, but don't appear to be too controlling or aggressive about being together, that seems to turn guys off and make them feel more defensive... Thats the best advice I can give being a little naive and with an attitude similar to yours....good luck:)
cresentcrow44 Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 I feel like I'm in a similar situation with guys abroad, and agree with you greatly in your statement about if you feel strongly about someone its worth the risk. I guess when it comes to guys, no means no. Thats always my moral anyway. Stay in touch with him, see him in a month if thats what he said and see what happens then, but don't appear to be too controlling or aggressive about being together, that seems to turn guys off and make them feel more defensive... Thats the best advice I can give being a little naive and with an attitude similar to yours....good luck:) Wow...I just posted something very similar. Reading yours may have even answered my own questions and doubts. I'm not good with patient either, lol. I have always gone right after what I wanted when I wanted it, nor have I ever waited on any guy. But here I am without ever having a successful relationship to date. Maybe you and I both should try to have more patients? It sucks out loud, but maybe the things that take more work, more patients, are the wroth while things, the things that last and endure. Maybe we should both listen to our hearts instead of our immediate wants and desires? I know Mason is worth this kind of risk. Is your guy worth it to you? If your heart says he is, then there ya go.
Island Girl Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 Finally on Valentines day I made the trip to his apartment. We spent the weekend together and had the most amazing time. We talked, laughed, cuddled, kissed, and acted as if we had never been apart. I felt so comfortable with him, and he seemed to be everything I was looking for in a man and he felt the same towards me. i know its soon but I think there is a real connection here. Im not saying hes the one but there is def something special. But the weekend had to end and I had to go back to school and work. So we decided to leave the relationship up in the air. Well its been a couple of weeks and I cant stand not having him to myself. I want to be in a relationship but its complicated. I am really impatient and a dreamer--while hes grounded and rational. (complete opposites but we compliment each other wonderfully) I dont want to wait around for things to work themselves out, if they ever will... You have only seen each other once since high school. Now we both know we all become different people after high school. So while you guys have known each other for a long time - you really are starting over. You had an amazing time just a week and a half ago. Just enjoy that and realize that potentially you have many more of those ahead of you. Experiences, conversations, and time will show him that he doesn't want to let you go. If he is so level headed he is not going to be rushing into anything he is unsure of. That is a GREAT thing because you know when he does make those kinds of moves he really means it. I don't know how many other relationships you've had but they didn't work out, right? Technically all of those relationships were a waste of time, right? I'm not saying you didn't learn from them or grow from them but you didn't end up getting what you wanted. So why is it a waste of time to take things as they come and possibly end up with forever as the payoff this time? Focus on your time together and your communication with each other. You may just end up getting everything you've ever wanted.
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