V.Vixen Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 This guy I have been dating for a couple weeks (3 dates), started asking me odd questions. He asked me what I don't like about him. He said "Is it just me, or do we get along so great, I really like you a lot" That sounds great.. but not when followed by "How do you feel about me so far?", and "What don't you like about me and my personality?" OVERKILL, DUDE! We have been on 3 dates, and they were pretty casual. I was enjoying him until he started to get all "let's talk about how much we like each other and what we can't stand". I would love a happy medium between an emotionally unavailable guy, and a guy who wants to walk down the aisle after a few dates. Maybe someone who wants to go to the movies and hang out, not analyze how we feeeel about each other right away. Le sighhh lol I won't give up though..
jerbear Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 It is not really odd, he just wants to know where he stands.
Author V.Vixen Posted February 23, 2009 Author Posted February 23, 2009 where he stand by asking me to pick out what I don't like about him? You don't think that reeks of insecurity?
jerbear Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 where he stand by asking me to pick out what I don't like about him? You don't think that reeks of insecurity? Yelp! Sort of like asking "why me?" to a new SO.
Author V.Vixen Posted February 23, 2009 Author Posted February 23, 2009 but he is asking what I DONT like. I dont think the "Why me" discussion is needed after 2 weeks. Maybe this is why i am still single though... lol
Island Girl Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 The "how you feeling about me?" wouldn't put me off but the question about what I dislike kind of would. I would have just brushed of the question and hoped he wouldn't be insistent.
SoulSearch_CO Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Huh. There must be something wrong with me. I'm not a big fan of ignoring the deeper issues to keep things "light." I like to get down to it and really get to know a person for who they are. Then I know if I'm wasting my time, or not. My current BF I met online and he said what stood out about me was that I was asking important questions right up front instead of, "I like long walks, a glass of wine...blah, blah, blah." It's all fluff. I like to know who somebody REALLY is before I decide to invest my time. Now, granted, I'd wait on the, "Is there anything you don't like about me" question until I knew I could really trust the person's opinion and knew that they knew me well enough to be able to answer that. It's not about insecurity. Maybe the guy just trusts people really quickly and easily. I don't see what's wrong with that - a guy that trusts. But anyway - like I said, maybe I'M the one that's off. Who knows.
ddraper Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 I would venture to say that this guy is not really a solid pick to pursue. When a guy asks those type of questions basically right off the bat, he is seeking approval by you. He is probably needy and the first chance he gets, he will jump headlong into it and will try to be a "nice" guy so that you "like" him. The problem is, and its already pretty evident, you will not be attracted to him and will begin to resent him and find him annoying. I would suggest you cut this guy off before you find yourself with a lovesick puppy.
ruggy Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Weird dude you dated Vix. Did you boink him yet?
Island Girl Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 I would venture to say that this guy is not really a solid pick to pursue. When a guy asks those type of questions basically right off the bat, he is seeking approval by you. He is probably needy and the first chance he gets, he will jump headlong into it and will try to be a "nice" guy so that you "like" him. The problem is, and its already pretty evident, you will not be attracted to him and will begin to resent him and find him annoying. I would suggest you cut this guy off before you find yourself with a lovesick puppy. Not necessarily. My husband was a "player" until he met me. He had never cared about a girl before. When we first started dating he asked the first question but casually of course. He was in unchartered waters and because he had never had to read signals of whether a girl liked him or not (they threw themselves at him along with their money, cars, etc. - those dumb girls) he really didn't know how I was feeling. He never asked what I didn't like about him though. That one is a head scratcher.
prettybaby Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 That would turn me off a little. I want my man to be a bit more confident than that! No need to analyze each other like that after ONLY 3 dates. Not saying I'd ditch him right away, but yeah, it would be a turn off for sure. It also screams "clingy" to me.
ddraper Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Not necessarily. My husband was a "player" until he met me. He had never cared about a girl before. When we first started dating he asked the first question but casually of course. He was in unchartered waters and because he had never had to read signals of whether a girl liked him or not (they threw themselves at him along with their money, cars, etc. - those dumb girls) he really didn't know how I was feeling. He never asked what I didn't like about him though. That one is a head scratcher. My point of contention lies in that fact your husband is, at least from what I can gather, a wealthy individual. This encapsulates a very small minority of guys out there. I see that in many guys with wealth. It is just a check that you are really into him for him, and not because of what he has. Unless this guy is a wealthy, or truly socially inept person, the only reason he would ask questions like that is because he is seeking approval and is going to be, if not already, needy. This is pretty common for a lot of guys. To ask if the woman likes him. It projects an uncertainty about oneself. You should not have to ask questions like that unless you are insecure.
Island Girl Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 _______________________________________ REALLY?!!!!!!!!!! You think he's wealthy?!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't know where you got that out of what I posted but he's NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is HILARIOUS. _______________________________________ And I wouldn't ever say he is or was socially inept being that he has traveled around the world and interacted with a lot of different cultures and people (even the Queen of England). But as I said it WAS uncharted territory as far as caring for someone and it was a girl that didn't throw herself at him. So yeah - that part was new for him.
ddraper Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Misread your post Island Girl, I connected what you said about the cars and money to him. Simple mistake of not reading closely enough. The socially inept person I was referring to was V.Vixen's guy. Nonetheless, considering your personality, my guess is that he felt he met his equal. Once "players" find women like that, they latch on.
Island Girl Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Misread your post Island Girl, I connected what you said about the cars and money to him. Simple mistake of not reading closely enough. The socially inept person I was referring to was V.Vixen's guy. Nonetheless, considering your personality, my guess is that he felt he met his equal. Once "players" find women like that, they latch on. Touche (not the LS poster but the term) He did meet his match and I did meet mine. He wasn't an easy conquest and really kept me on my toes for A WHILE. Surprised you picked up on that.
ddraper Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Socializing, experience and practice teaches you many things...You just have to know how to look...
Lucky_One Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 I don't think it's odd. But you sound more like a man, and he sounds more like a woman. And this is SO what women tend to do after 3 dates. No wonder men run away. But all in all, you are looking at one small aspect of his personality. If you get right down to it, most people would much rather have a man who is willing to listen to negatives about himself and to discuss a relationship than one who gets ticked if you mention something less than flattering or refuses to discuss emotional relationship issues. You had a great opportunity to say with a smile, "Well, so far the only thing that I see as a very small negative is asking deeply personal questions that I feel are coming a bit too soon. Can I take a raincheck on them for a few months?"
IrishCarBomb Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 where he stand by asking me to pick out what I don't like about him? You don't think that reeks of insecurity? This could cut both ways. He may be very secure, recognize he is not a god and has shortcomings, and open to talk about them. He may also be insecure and needy and require you to reassure him that you are into him. I wouldn't think too much on this unless it becomes a recurring thing.
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