johnnyknobs Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 I need advice on a situation I have had recently. In January, a co-worker of mine and myself had begun flirting with one another to the point where we eventually got a little intimate. We both had significant others at the time, but realized that neither one of us were happy with them. It seesawed back and forth where one day she would call and say that she needed to NOT talk to me to see if it was worth working things out with her boyfriend. However, a day later she would call back and say she couldn't NOT talk to me. That happened twice in 2 weeks. Recently she was transferred to another location and we had been meeting up at each other's work to see each other as both our schedules are restricted with work and school. However, just the other day when I visited her, she said she wanted to talk for a minute and said that she just wanted to be friends but still wanted to hang out now and then and wanted to still talk. I told her I appreciated her honesty and that was that. I really was kind of embarrassed because she truly acted like she was really into me and then let myself start liking her. So everyday since then, I have not initiated any contact. She, however, has either called me or texted me every day since then about random things. Whether work related, how am I doing, and random sarcastic remarks. Last night when I was out, she also showed up at the bar I was at after she had called me earlier and I had told her where I was going. I left shortly after she showed up and then received a text message this morning from her telling me to take an alka-seltzer if I felt bad. I'm not one to become attached easily, but I do like her and have a lot of fun with her. A friend of mine seems to think she is just playing games and keeping me around until she gets all her partying and hook-ups out of the way after becoming newly single. He also states to just act like I don't care about her or what she is doing and don't answer all her calls or texts and take a long time to return them. Any advice on what is going on here and how to proceed?
SpanksTheMonkey Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 My advice think about your current SO and breakup with them before anything else!
Author johnnyknobs Posted February 23, 2009 Author Posted February 23, 2009 Oh, that was done a month ago. Both of us are single. I should have mentioned that. ;-)
SpanksTheMonkey Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Awesome my apologies then good on you! to be honest I get the feeling shes keeping you around on the back burner encase something else comes along forget her find some one who's more into you best of luck...
Author johnnyknobs Posted February 23, 2009 Author Posted February 23, 2009 Yeah, that's what a friend of mine said too. It sucks because she was the aggressor at first and seemed VERY interested and a little while after I returned the affection, she put me in the "zone". Oh well it is what it is, no use worrying about something you can't control.
amazed Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 I think she clearly likes you and is interested, shes putting in too much effort not to be. Sounds like the situation im in. Women are mental. I wouldnt reply to her texts right away, maybe about an hour later.. but its almost impossible to ignore them and if ur interested you dont want to come across as a complete dick if thats not you.
northstar1 Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 I need advice on a situation I have had recently. In January, a co-worker of mine and myself had begun flirting with one another to the point where we eventually got a little intimate. We both had significant others at the time, but realized that neither one of us were happy with them. It seesawed back and forth where one day she would call and say that she needed to NOT talk to me to see if it was worth working things out with her boyfriend. However, a day later she would call back and say she couldn't NOT talk to me. That happened twice in 2 weeks. Recently she was transferred to another location and we had been meeting up at each other's work to see each other as both our schedules are restricted with work and school. However, just the other day when I visited her, she said she wanted to talk for a minute and said that she just wanted to be friends but still wanted to hang out now and then and wanted to still talk. I told her I appreciated her honesty and that was that. I really was kind of embarrassed because she truly acted like she was really into me and then let myself start liking her. So everyday since then, I have not initiated any contact. She, however, has either called me or texted me every day since then about random things. Whether work related, how am I doing, and random sarcastic remarks. Last night when I was out, she also showed up at the bar I was at after she had called me earlier and I had told her where I was going. I left shortly after she showed up and then received a text message this morning from her telling me to take an alka-seltzer if I felt bad. I'm not one to become attached easily, but I do like her and have a lot of fun with her. A friend of mine seems to think she is just playing games and keeping me around until she gets all her partying and hook-ups out of the way after becoming newly single. He also states to just act like I don't care about her or what she is doing and don't answer all her calls or texts and take a long time to return them. Any advice on what is going on here and how to proceed? Classic example of a girl not knowing what she wants. She doesn't want to get into anything resembling a relationship with you, but also has some interest, and doesn't want you to just vanish. So when you pull back, she then reaches out to make sure you are still there, because she does like you on some level. It's frustrating to hell and back. But you don't want to get into game playing with her. I say go do your thing, treat her as an aquaintance, dont' rush to engage her in conversation, but don't be a jerk either. Go meet other girls and date....
LovieDove24 Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 I think she clearly likes you and is interested, shes putting in too much effort not to be. Sounds like the situation im in. Women are mental. Don't pull that card. Men are just as capable to retreat once the affection becomes reciprocated. Anyways, if I were you I would mention something to her along the lines of being "friends" and gauge her reaction. Say something like "Hey I wanted to get some friends together tonight for a game of pool, would you be interested?" This way, she gets the impression that you are not putting to much weight on a 'relationship' outcome between the two of you. You're keeping it real casual. If she questions the term "friend" with you I'd pry a little further and ask her just what impression she has of you two. Then go from there.
Author johnnyknobs Posted February 23, 2009 Author Posted February 23, 2009 Thanks for the advice everyone. Unfortunately, I think you always have to look at things from a third party perspective as when emotions are involved, we don't always make the best decisions!
fishtaco Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 Don't pull that card. Men are just as capable to retreat once the affection becomes reciprocated. Of course, that goes without saying. Although since johnnyknobs doesn't date men, how about we just agree to silently append "men are this way too" to every single post for the rest of the thread? Back to Johnny. This my analysis of the situation, I could be completely off: She wanted out of the relationship. Many women (and men - this is for you LovieDove) are not capable of just breaking it off and walking away. They need a reason. She used you as her reason. After she broke up with her man, the reason for your existence disappeared. Now she's lonely. Because it's a tough transition from being in a relationship to being single. Even a mentally strong person would feel this way, but they just won't act it out as much as a mentally weak person. This is normal. So now your new purpose is to be her platonic boyfriend substitute. When she needs attention, ego boost, or to feel wanted, you are the guy she goes to, i.e. emotional tampon (I got this term from another poster here on LS, very clever term, describes this "job" perfectly). This is equivalent to a man using a woman for sex even after he knew she wants more. If the woman keeps having sex with him thinking he'll change -- she's dumb. Just like if the man keep being the platonic boyfriend substitute thinking his nice-ness will change her mind -- he's dumb. Anyway, the way I look at it, she threw the first punch. Whether it was intentional or not doesn't matter. In fact it's worse if it was NOT intentional. That means she can't turn it off. This mode of operation is on 24/7. So now you have to decide what you want to do. I suggest either walk away or you go back and game the gamer. Your choice. If you do choose to play, she wants something from you - your tampon service. Anytime anyone want something from you, that's a chink in the armor where you could anchor the starting point of your game. Anyway, internet advice, treat it as such. Believe it only if it makes sense to you.
Author johnnyknobs Posted February 24, 2009 Author Posted February 24, 2009 Wow, an emotional tampon eh? Yeah, I definitely don't want to be that. However, I'm hoping that's not it. Either way, I shouldn't have to play these games anyway... so... I'll probably just let it go. So sad.
Trialbyfire Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 johnnyknob, I think this can be used as a rule of thumb for both men and women. If someone is playing games or JNTIY, it's synonymous, at least according to what matters to you. Either way, it's a mind-screw.
Author johnnyknobs Posted February 24, 2009 Author Posted February 24, 2009 Good point. In other words, look somewhere else, right? ;-)
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