Star Gazer Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Sorry! Not the kind you're thinking, people! SKIING performance anxiety! I have it, and I want to get rid of it. I'm not sure it's really skiing related, so much as something having to do with my own confidence level. So I'd like your insight because I have NO CLUE what's going on here. When I was with my ex and we'd ski together, he'd get frustrated at my (lack of) skills on the slopes. He was kinda bitchy about it. I'd ski with my roommate (who wasn't all that great) and she'd get bitchy with me too for going slow and taking my time. As a result, I grew uncomfortable skiing with either one of them, and preferred to separate to do my own thing and just meet him or her at the lodge. Now, my current BF is about 50x a better skiier than my ex or roommate ever was. He's been skiing since he was 3, and often skis on average of 45-50 days a year now at 31, and was skiing 200+ days when he was 20-27. He LOVES skiing. If I didn't love it too, I'd never see him. (I kid...kinda.) But the thing is, I've skiied... a LOT LESS than him. As much as I love it, I'm still a newbie, especially compared to him and the particular mountain we ski at. Let's just say it's not really a bunny hill kind of mountain, but I'm a bunny hill kind of girl right now. I've taken some private lessons that have really helped. But when he's flying down double-blacks and jumping off cliffs in backcountry terrain, I'm cruising along on my nice blue groomers. I find the disparity between our skill sets intimidating. I have literally refused to let him watch me ski up until yesterday. I don't know why, but having him watch me makes me really nervous. I think I'm transferring the anxiety I felt with my ex onto him. But I don't think it's relationship related. I feel the same way about my good girlfriends watching me, I HATE it. But I have no issue with an instructor critiquing my every move. I'm not sure why this is. When we first got to the mountain yesterday, he took me up the mountain a different way than I was used to. My legs weren't under me yet, he was watching me, and I was nervous. I kept telling him, "Just go, and I'll follow!" but he'd still go, stop, and turn around and watch me. He didn't want to go all the way down in case I fell and needed help. If he wasn't watching me, I'd do just fine. Great, actually. But the moment he turned around to watch or see me, I'd get sloppy. Not fall, just not really look like I knew what I was doing. I hate that! Anyway, we split up after that point so that he could go do his gnarly stuff and I could keep practicing on my blues. I did well on my own, and got really excited about my progress. I was particularly proud of my performance yesterday on this one section of the mountain, and told him about how well I was doing at lunch. He was stoked, and suggested he take me up to another part of the mountain. He thought that if I could easily do what I was doing all morning, that I'd be able to do this particular new part with no problem and it would be another step/accomplishment in developing my skills. He used to be a ski instructor, and I trust him with my life, so I decided to give it a go. We took the lift up to a part of the mountain I'm totally unfamiliar with and he hasn't skiied in a long time (it's a so-called "blue" run, and he prefers non-groomed black and double-black gulleys and shoots and cliffs and crap). After we got off the lift, we took a little catwalk for about 15 yards, at which point I saw people DROPPING OFF THE EDGE. Vanishing. I could tell it was steep before I could see it. I told him to go ahead of me a bit, so he did. He went over - and poof, he was gone. I snuck up to the edge and looked over, and found that it looked like this to me: | (totally vertical) Of course, it wasn't...but it was MUCH steeper than I've ever skiied before, and much steeper than I felt ready for. It took me 5 minutes just to get the nerve to make my first turn. I got down to the bottom of the first pitch where he was waiting for me, and told him, "I don't like this. At all." He could tell, as I was having a really, really hard time getting down... and I could tell he felt badly. He says, "Okay, Star. Well, that's about as bad as it gets." And I say, "You promise? Because this is MUCH harder than I thought it would be." And he says, "Well, I haven't been over here in a while, I didn't think it was going to be that difficult. Let's just keep going. There's only one more pitch like that." But of course there wasn't just one more pitch like that. There were about 5, and they got progressively more difficult. It's about a 2 mile run. By the time I got to the bottom, I was dead tired. At one point, I even had to side slip. Ugh. He didn't say anything to me the whole way down, other than to ask if I was okay. He was perfectly patient. I adored him for it. I had to keep saying, "I'm sorry I'm being such a b*tch." I'd be crabby and complainy, and then apologetic. He felt really badly for "dragging me down" that slope. I felt badly for making him feel badly, because he thought that I was ready for it based on what I had told him about my performance on the other slopes. Thing is, he hadn't seen me yet (really), which was my own fault because of my anxiety. I don't want to be afraid to go down steeper slopes than I'm used to. When I'm alone, I tackle slopes that are a bit steeper... baby steps. And I'm okay for the most part. But when he (or any other friend) is watching me, I do a sh*tty job. Why is this? Any thoughts here?
Trialbyfire Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Don't feel alone, we all feel that way when we're skiing with these wild men. You're dead tired because you're sitting back on your skis, nervous, not wanting to look bad while someone of his calibre is watching you ski. I don't know if you felt this way but when he's watching, you feel like he's evaluating you and would probably like to offer some tips. I used to feel a bit like this with my ex-H, who was insane about extreme skiing, even though I've been skiing since I was a toddler. Just neither had the guts or the strength to do what these guys are capable of. Deep powder kills me, when bowl skiing. My legs feel like jello afterwards but that's because I'm fighting myself because your body weight has to shift just a touch, so you're not doing what you would normally do, while skiing any other snow medium. Take your time and don't worry. Just put your weight onto the front of your skis, focus on carving and don't be afraid to point those skis downhill. Considering how short a time you've been skiing, you're doing great!!
johan Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 It's probably just time to hang up the skis. There are plenty of other sports, Star. You've always struck me as more of a figure skater.
Author Star Gazer Posted February 23, 2009 Author Posted February 23, 2009 Thanks, TBF. I know he's evaluating me, even if he doesn't mean to. Thing is, I DO want him to give me tips based on what he's observing. He didn't the whole way down. Later last night, he said he felt wise not saying anything. I told him I actually wanted his input. So he offered that he could tell that I was afraid to fall (I never did) and that next time he'd like to see me take some spills, because it's only when you're really pushing yourself that you fall. I understand what he's saying. I AM scared of falling, particularly in front of him. Something I left out... His brother's GF took up skiing last year. She's only about 10 days ahead of me, and is totally comfortable on blacks now. In a way I feel competitive with her in that regard, and I know that my BF and his brother WANT me to get to her level so that she and I can ski together (she has no desire to "get crazy" like the guys do either). So I feel pressure too... like, "Huury up, Star. Get to her level. They're waiting on you!" I know to put my weight in the front, but I'm just so scared of doing a cartwheel down the mountain! I saw a guy tumble about 100 feet underneath the lift...eek! And Johan, I'd REALLY like to keep this thread on topic and serious. Please don't derail that.
johan Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 And Johan, I'd REALLY like to keep this thread on topic and serious. Please don't derail that. I'm with you there, Star. You can count on me. Skiing. What a great sport. For people with a certain level of agility anyway.
Trialbyfire Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 SG, don't worry about cartwheeling. When you shift your weight forwards, you're going to feel far more control, especially when carving and stopping. Trust me on this one and I do mean that seriously! The minute you start doing that, you'll find your expertise leaps a level. As for this other g/f, she's probably less cautious. This doesn't mean she's a better skier. Technique matters WAYYYY more than bull strength, especially when you start those bump runs. Forward!! You can do it!!
sb129 Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Star, skiing is one of those sports that is hard to learn, and once you have learned the basics, its really hard to progress to a higher level. Lets just say my skiing style is.... unique. I dont' like doing kamikaze stuff either, and just take things at my own pace. Black runs are not my bag! Don't feel any pressure, I bet your BF was actually proud of you for NOT throwing a hissy fit and actually making it to the end of that run at all!
Meaplus3 Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Sorry! Not the kind you're thinking, people! Darn..I was looking for some juice. SKIING performance anxiety! I have it, and I want to get rid of it. I'm not sure it's really skiing related, so much as something having to do with my own confidence level. So I'd like your insight because I have NO CLUE what's going on here. Has this happend during another sport or was it just with skiing? Mea:)
Citizen Erased Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Darn..I was looking for some juice. :lmao: I don't even have any snow to ski on and here you are Star, rubbing it in my face "ooh I have all of this lovely snow to ski on". Women.
Prodigal Princess Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 I'm not a skiier (I've never even seen snow), but I had the exact same problem with my ex in relation to surfing. I'm a pretty good surfer but he was on the pro circuit as a nugget and by 35 he was a legend at our local hot spot. The first few times I went out for a surf with him I completely humiliated myself - couldn't catch a wave to save my life and kept wiping out. I could never relax, I felt his eyes boring into me the whole time like he was judging me, even though that wasn't the case at all. I got so frustrated and anxious, and that made things even worse. When we'd get back to the beach Id be sputtering, brow furrowed, making excuses and telling him "but no, Im really much better than that usually!" and he'd just laugh and tell me to relax, that he didn't care. Argh! He was right though - I just needed to relax! It was impossible, though, because he was someone I really wanted to impress. After a few more cringe-worthy moments out in the surf I finally got over myself and thought, well if Im going to fail I may as well have fun doing it. I hammed it up a bit (jumping into a dumper etc) and laughed at myself and as soon as I started doing that, I started to enjoy myself and wasn't so stressed. It wasn't long before I was back in top form. I was never the best surfer around him but when I stopped treating it like a competition, I stopped getting anxious and just enjoyed being out there with him. You need to take the pressure off yourself. What's the worst thing that can happen - you fall and make a d*ck out of yourself people laugh at you. So what. It's happened to everybody - even your boyfriend at one stage, guaranteed. Try not to take things so seriously - I think it will be much more attractive to your boyfriend if you let yourself take a little tumble and then laugh about it. Im sure he will be there to pick you up off the ground and kiss it all better.
Author Star Gazer Posted February 23, 2009 Author Posted February 23, 2009 TBF, SB, and PP... you're right. I need to take the pressure off. Perhaps next time I should just have a few cocktails before I hit the slopes.
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