carona716 Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 Well, I have been dating this girl for 2 years now, and we were engaged to get married in the near future. Earlier last week I found out that she had been having cyber sex. I confronted her on the matter, and she spilled her guts, saying she was so sorry, it was a lapse in judgement, one time thing and all that jazz. I told her how much it was hurting me, and wanted to know if she was someone i could put my trust back in, seeing as she wouldnt give me her facebook password to set my heart at ease. I really wanted to make things work, so I let it slide. Wanting to regain a tidbit of control, I personally sent the guy a message, telling him hes way out of line and to knock it off. He responds with 'oh sorry man, its just a habbit, we been doing it for about 5 years now.' Excuse me, run that by me again? Im beside myself. Not only did she cheat on me, she lied through her teeth about it, and guaranteed I could trust her. Natutrally I confronted her again and after telling her the new information I came across, she exploded with 'OK so its been going on for a couple years, you happy?' I told her that if she had an ounce of love in her heart that she claimed to, she will find a way to make this right. She told me she would try. Ok so here is the kicker, she hasent made any effort to contact me for about 5 days now, and is ignoring my phone calls, texts, IM's, everything. After talking to her best friend, who also happens to be my friend. She tells me my 'GF' is furiouse with me, saying that she did nothing wrong and im a controlling, manipulative *******. She has never taken getting caught in a lie well, so I figure shes just throwing a tantrum because she got caught red handed. I have no desire to continue this relationship, and this No Contact thing gives me the idea she feels the same way. But I also want her to know that what she was doing was wrong. She is going to school right now, so I cant confront her face to face quite yet. Thoughts?
Joker77 Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 Well, I have been dating this girl for 2 years now, and we were engaged to get married in the near future. Earlier last week I found out that she had been having cyber sex. I confronted her on the matter, and she spilled her guts, saying she was so sorry, it was a lapse in judgement, one time thing and all that jazz. I told her how much it was hurting me, and wanted to know if she was someone i could put my trust back in, seeing as she wouldnt give me her facebook password to set my heart at ease. I really wanted to make things work, so I let it slide. Wanting to regain a tidbit of control, I personally sent the guy a message, telling him hes way out of line and to knock it off. He responds with 'oh sorry man, its just a habbit, we been doing it for about 5 years now.' Excuse me, run that by me again? Im beside myself. Not only did she cheat on me, she lied through her teeth about it, and guaranteed I could trust her. Natutrally I confronted her again and after telling her the new information I came across, she exploded with 'OK so its been going on for a couple years, you happy?' I told her that if she had an ounce of love in her heart that she claimed to, she will find a way to make this right. She told me she would try. Ok so here is the kicker, she hasent made any effort to contact me for about 5 days now, and is ignoring my phone calls, texts, IM's, everything. After talking to her best friend, who also happens to be my friend. She tells me my 'GF' is furiouse with me, saying that she did nothing wrong and im a controlling, manipulative *******. She has never taken getting caught in a lie well, so I figure shes just throwing a tantrum because she got caught red handed. I have no desire to continue this relationship, and this No Contact thing gives me the idea she feels the same way. But I also want her to know that what she was doing was wrong. She is going to school right now, so I cant confront her face to face quite yet. Thoughts? She's ticked off because she got caught and is trying to turn it around on you. I'd go straight NC and drop her like a bad habit.
lkjh Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Dude, who cares if she is mad. Don't chase her like a little puppy, wait for her to contact you. You need to be strong.
cabarc1 Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Yeah whatever you do, don't contact her. What she did was wrong! And it's true that she is just ticked cause you busted her. I had someone do the same to me once and it took me a good year before i could start to trust him again, but he did however own up to it and did everything possible to make things right. It is what she should do, don't accept anything less!!!! I know what ur going through.........
jessiecar Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Maybe she believes that because she hasn't had physical contact with this guy, that it's not actually cheating. But I would feel just as hurt as you and I agree that what she did was wrong, especially since she lied to you so much about it. I agree with everyone above--don't try to contact her, let her contact you. If she never does, then you'll know she was never worth your time. If she calls and tries to make things right, then maybe go from there. Personally, I don't know that I could ever trust someone like that again or want to be with them. Good luck.
Author carona716 Posted February 23, 2009 Author Posted February 23, 2009 Thanx for all your help guys. She called me earlier today, saying she wanted to wait to do this face to face, but couldnt handle it any longer, and broke it off. The only thing that still makes me mad is, shes being so high and mighty, telling me shes the better person because what she did was not technically cheating and im a jerk, blah blah blah Whatever, good riddance to bad rubbish I say!
Joker77 Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Thanx for all your help guys. She called me earlier today, saying she wanted to wait to do this face to face, but couldnt handle it any longer, and broke it off. The only thing that still makes me mad is, shes being so high and mighty, telling me shes the better person because what she did was not technically cheating and im a jerk, blah blah blah Whatever, good riddance to bad rubbish I say! I can't stand liars. Just got done dealing with one myself a few months ago. I couldn't be happier right now that I know she is dating again. A person who told me she had too much on her plate and wasn't thinking about dating anytime soon turns out to be dating two months later. That's her life. The bad thing is that she has set a horrible example for her daughter and seems to put her own needs over her kid's. This site has been therapeutic for me and trust me...it will get better for you.
EmperorR Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 its cheating, get rid of her cheaters don't change and what they do is try and blame you. My ex cheated and blamed me like I opened her legs and invited the guy in. Just because it wasn't physical the mindstate was still in cheating mode, let her go I know its hard but you know deep down you can't trust her.
Author carona716 Posted February 25, 2009 Author Posted February 25, 2009 Thanks again for the help. She obviously hasent learned what lying can do to a relationship, because she told all her friends and family the story of us breaking up, but conveniently forgot to mention thpe art about her cheating on me. Feels kinda bad, her getting a big sympathy party while I have to sit here with my head in my hands.
12ape Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Well, I have been dating this girl for 2 years now, and we were engaged to get married in the near future. Earlier last week I found out that she had been having cyber sex. DUMP HER NOW, she doesn't love you I know this will sound really harsh.. But WHY THE F*** would your Fiancé cheat on you like that. IT IS CHEATING. Once a cheat, ALWAYS A CHEAT. Tell all of her friends and family what she is doing. S
EmperorR Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 DUMP HER NOW, she doesn't love you I know this will sound really harsh.. But WHY THE F*** would your Fiancé cheat on you like that. IT IS CHEATING. Once a cheat, ALWAYS A CHEAT. Tell all of her friends and family what she is doing. S yep Listen to this man
lostsunsets Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 So out her to her friends and family. Just tell them to call this guy and he will confirm that they were having cybersex for years. If you have a facebook or myspace. Put it on there. You will get tons of simpathy contacts. And you will out her.
12ape Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 So out her to her friends and family. Just tell them to call this guy and he will confirm that they were having cybersex for years. If you have a facebook or myspace. Put it on there. You will get tons of simpathy contacts. And you will out her. Too dam right! Ruin her, she doesn't love you or care about your feelings. She's CHEATING.
TheKingKopite Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 So out her to her friends and family. Just tell them to call this guy and he will confirm that they were having cybersex for years. If you have a facebook or myspace. Put it on there. You will get tons of simpathy contacts. And you will out her. Do what this guy says .. she made you look like a fool .. now its her time to look the fool.
2sure Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 Oh, she knows it was wrong. And her saying it was a one time thing when it had been going on for years means she knew it was waayyy wrong. She is acting as though she did something harmless and you are over reacting. She knew it was wrong, so she hid it, and lied about when caught, and now wants to make it your fault. She knows. Dump her, if not for the cyber sex, then for her lying and manipulative behavior. The biggest lesson she needs to learn here is to own up and take responsibility.
Dexter Morgan Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 Well, I have been dating this girl for 2 years now, and we were engaged to get married in the near future. Earlier last week I found out that she had been having cyber sex. I confronted her on the matter, and she spilled her guts, saying she was so sorry sorry she got caught it was a lapse in judgement Gee, is that all it was?? It wasn't a lapse in judgement. She did this because she wanted to and would keep doing it if she didn't get caught. IWanting to regain a tidbit of control, I personally sent the guy a message, telling him hes way out of line and to knock it off. He responds with 'oh sorry man, its just a habbit, we been doing it for about 5 years now.' one time lapse in judgement eh? Im beside myself. Not only did she cheat on me, she lied through her teeth about it, and guaranteed I could trust her. Nuff said...dump her. Does she live with you? If so, pack her things and have them ready for her at the front door. Natutrally I confronted her again and after telling her the new information I came across, she exploded with 'OK so its been going on for a couple years, you happy?' Yup, unremorseful defensive little tart with no regard for your feelings. Get rid of her like yesterday's trash. Ok so here is the kicker, she hasent made any effort to contact me for about 5 days now, and is ignoring my phone calls, texts, IM's, everything. After talking to her best friend, who also happens to be my friend. She tells me my 'GF' is furiouse with me, saying that she did nothing wrong and im a controlling, manipulative *******. LMFAO!!! having cybersex with other guys....and she did nothing wrong?? Did she tell her friend she was cyber sexing with other men? I have no desire to continue this relationship, and this No Contact thing gives me the idea she feels the same way. But I also want her to know that what she was doing was wrong. Nah, going COMPLETE no contact is the way to go. You wanting to contact her just to show her she was wrong just gives you a reason to get in touch with her. And she feels damn powerful right now because you are texting her, calling her, and she is ignoring YOU. So stop. And when she contacts you, ignore her...block her if you can. And if she can't contact you and decides to get ahold of you in person, tell her that you don't want her dirty little nasty ass any longer and walk off.
Dexter Morgan Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 Thanx for all your help guys. She called me earlier today, saying she wanted to wait to do this face to face, but couldnt handle it any longer, and broke it off. The only thing that still makes me mad is, shes being so high and mighty, telling me shes the better person because what she did was not technically cheating and im a jerk, blah blah blah LOL, she is in absolutely NO WAY the better person. She is a moron. Whatever, good riddance to bad rubbish I say! EXACTLY! Now you can find someone who doesn't suck sh#t.
Island Girl Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 You are so lucky to be rid of her before you got married! I'd post it on Facebook and MySpace (if you have those pages) as others suggested. And I'd out her to her friends and family too if you feel like it. They may or may not believe you but if you are thinking they are giving her a sympathy party that may help you feel you did something to halt that. You really should be counting your lucky stars you dodged the bullet with this one. FIVE YEARS?!! And then she acts like she did nothing wrong?!! She is a sociopath for sure.
Truly Lost Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 You know, if the cyber sex wasn't cheating, in her mind, then why did she keep it a secret, for years? If she had caught you doing something like that....she would have screamed bloody murder.......or maybe since she feels she did nothing wrong, she would say to you, "its ok baby, I love you, keep it up". Some people make no sense. For me, if I'm in love with someone I couldn't imagine fooling around with someone else, by IM, email or in person. I know this is heartbreaking for you because you weren't ready to end your relationship, but what she did is a big deal and her not feeling bad about it is a hugh sign that you two weren't meant to be and a warning of what else would be in store for you if you ignored this behavior. Its better to find out all of this now before getting married. I'm sorry and I know you are hurt. If she wants to get back together with you, let her be the one to make all the effort. It will require staying away from her for a while, thats a given. If she never comes around, then consider it a wonderful gift she gave you because then you will be free to meet someone else better for you.
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