honey2910 Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 Well I will re-iterate my story in short... was dumped by my GF 4-5 months back after 4 year relationship... She break-off as one of her male friend told her to do. I tried to sort out things after giving some time. From past 1 month i was like very-very limited contact. But last week I came to she is fully committed to her friend 3 months after our break. All these 3-4 months I allowed her to get over me by acting like a friend . I was treated like a doormat... So after all this rubbish I could say have lost my self-esteem and self-respect for myself. It was my fault a I allowed her to misuse me. I am going o complete NC. However I will never be again friend with her in life as the way she has treated me inall this 4 months. I have lost respect for her even as a person. I know It will be hard to do so when u finally has to decide that u will be no longer part of each others life when once u have decided to be together all life. But I dont have ne other choice and I sincerely I am not doing any unjustice to her. I have to be selfish right now to take care of my parents and my profession. I have a great job and gr8 frnds circle but her thoughts are consuming my mind like a slow poison I am literally trying everything on this earth to move on. I have started spending 2-3 hrs extra in job...but I am not able to manage time for WOrkout. I practice buddhisam to overcome my fundamental problems but sincerely saying I am moving very slowly. Its been 1 week of NC , although i remember her but never felt like calling her or speaking to her. One issue with me is that I found lot of time alone in which I think abt whole story again and again like what if sort off... I have tried to become volunteer to teach unprivileged students on weekends but still i find lot of time to dwell on past issues. Any extra guidance would be highly welcomed.I dont have any feeling to get back. I just want to move out. I want to take control of my brain and just live a life of purpose and dignity. Thats it...
Ronni_W Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 but her thoughts are consuming my mind like a slow poison No, those are YOUR thoughts...which means you are poisoning your Self . I know that Buddhism teaches about better managing one's thoughts/mind, and becoming more aware in the present moment -- you're on the right track with your practice. Volunteering is an excellent way to give back to the community but, as you're finding out, just trying to distract yourself while ignoring/denying your deeper feelings won't help you totally heal, recover and move forward. A few links that you may find useful: http://eqi.org/eqe96_1.htm, and http://www.mcwilliams.com/books/sur/srtoc.htm and, http://www.richbits.com/RBArchives/backissuesRBNEW.htm (maybe check articles on 'mind chatter' and the 'power pause' technique to help interrupt your unwanted thoughts?) A book that might be of interest is 'Ruling Your World' by Sakyong Mipham. He also wrote 'Turning The Mind Into An Ally', which I haven't read. Hugs, and good luck.
Trialbyfire Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 honey, you can't lose or have your self-respect taken away. But... You can give it away to someone who doesn't have your best interests in mind. This also means that you can take it back..especially since it always belonged to you. You're still the same person you always were. No one can make or break you, except yourself.
smile_through_tears Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 Don't say you have lost your dignity and self-respect..I used to say the same thing because I cried to my ex, had sex with me after we broke up a couple times..I was so hurt and I showed it to him..then I thought "wow i have lost my dignity." But whatever..you were just showing someone that you love them and what's so "undignifying" about that? Once they left OBVIOUSLY u were going to be hurt..u tried being her friend--okay u didnt commit a crime..you acted nice...no shame in that..she mistreated u-the karma is on her...yes u shoudl go NC altho for me its really hard..i guess im not the only one going through a hard time *sigh*
Author honey2910 Posted February 23, 2009 Author Posted February 23, 2009 Ronni thanks for the gr8 links.... I am trying to distract myself as much as possible...but I have to fake it till I make it. I am not holding my emotions. I cry when I want to cry. I usually prefer to cry while I am driving so that I can scream loud and nobody can hear me. @ Smile... Even I thought Its difficult to implement NC but its not tht much untill you crushed .00001% hope of getting back together . Now I hav any intention to meet her and you know she called me twice yest after spending her weekend with her BF.... I dont feel like calling her now. I dont miss her as a person. What keeps me emotionally unstable is the way I allowed her to mistreat me. But any how I have a spirit to say " I lost her as a love, but she lost me as a person". My every attempt was baffled. Kill your false hope and then u wont find NC difficult. A big Hug to U...You will make it...I will chant for members for all dumpees
Ronni_W Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 I usually prefer to cry while I am driving so that I can scream loud and nobody can hear me. Screaming at the top of your lungs in a closed car is an EXCELLENT release tool. Any physical activity that gets that "angry energy" moving out of your system is great. But...for your own safety (and all the other motorists', too), I'm hoping that you meant you pull off to the side of the road when you're actually crying . Welcome for the links, btw -- hope you'll find something useful.
dethfire Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 honey, our stories seem very similar, just know you aren't alone.
Bluebird In My Heart Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 Honey, Our situation/feelings are so similar to me, as well. I like that you are clear about what you want. That helps a lot. * Ronni, Thank you for the links, I am reading the one about Surviving A Loss. It's really helping. I just have to know I'll be okay. I know for sure there's no way to continue at this point in this R. in any way, shape, or form. I think I'm just kind of going through the death throes of the old thing...hopefully, the birthing pains of something new and lovely will come soon enough...I am not talking about a new R., just a me that is no longer in this awful limbo, this slow, lingering end. * Thank you.
Ronni_W Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 Hi Bluebird. Wishing for you that you'll move through this "limbo" phase faster than you can even imagine. Glad you're finding that link useful...my pleasure to share it. Hugs and best of luck.
Author honey2910 Posted February 27, 2009 Author Posted February 27, 2009 I am on NC for past 10 days and to be very fran they were very easy with few bleak hiccups but I never urge to call my ex. From past few days she is calling me 3-4 times a day , texting me and asking me whether am I doing it intentionally. SO Insane..... But I have not replied to any calls or phone.... I think she has realised one emotional fool who cares so much for her is gone frm her life for ever. Sometimes it hurts but I was able to gather this much courage...but I have done this for my sake.. I dont have any ill feelings for her. I still pray she live happy always. But feel sorry for the way she has lost a kind hearted , genuine and trustworthy person.
Ronni_W Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 Honey2910, You are doing GREAT! Congrats If her calls and texts start to interfere with your plans and goals for yourself, would suggest you do the thing that is logical for your own well-being...block her number(s) and email address(es). Also, I admire your compassion -- that is good that you can wish her well but without you becoming her doormat. Good, good work...Keep up your courage and your boundaries!
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