chris250 Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 So I've been out on 3 different dates in the past month. That's 3 different women and 1 date each. Woman #1 I have 90% interest level in. Woman # 2 I have 55%-60% interest level in. Woman # 3 is 80% interest level. If I was going to pick one of these women to pursue a relationship with I would pick the one that I have only 55%-60% interest level in. Why? because the lower my interest level the more natural it is for me to act like a man. I get too needy when my interest level is in the 90s so I have to put in more effort to make sure I have a life outside the relationship. It's ok for a woman's interest level to be in the 90s but not the man's. See when my interest level is only 55% then it's only natural for me to be independent because I'm not really all that attached to her in the first place. Most women worth being with want an independent man anyway. If the time comes when she wants to dump me I won't be all that disappointed and upset about it when my interest level is only 55%-60%. I may cry over it for about 1 week at the most depending on how long we were together and then I'd move on and get back in the dating scene much quicker. So those are the benefits to dating only those women that I have borderline to mediocre interest level in. I don't get too attached. I won't be upset for very long when I get dumped and therefore I won't waste so much precious time trying to get over her. I'll be out dating much sooner. This saves me time. As long as my interest level stays above 50% then I am considered to have some genuine romantic interest in her. If it is ever below 50% then she's in my friend-zone and I would be wasting her time to pursue anything. Therefore the relationship can still work as long as both of our interest levels stay safely above 50%. 50% is the cut off pass/fail line. 0%-49% interest level is like getting an F on the report card while 51%-59% is passing with a D- or D+. An ideal relationship would be one in which the woman's interest level is in the 90s and the man's interest level is no higher than the mid 80s. When his interest level is in the 80s he can still be gone over her and manly at the same time. Less than 50% and he's just wasting the girl's time because he doesn't dig her at all.
SoulSearch_CO Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 <-----Fell asleep halfway through your post. But anyway - I'd HATE being in a relationship with a guy that only had that much of an interest level in me. I've said it before and I'll say it again - I do NOT think it's a good idea for a woman to have the higher interest in a guy. She usually ends up getting burned. Especially since (even you agree, here) the man should be pursuing. If he's only half interested, he's not really going to pursue. I find it sexy when the man pursues - it makes him look like a MAN. But I guess it doesn't matter. If ANY of these three women have heard your theories on dating (especially Miss D+), I really think you wouldn't be able to find any woman to give you a passing grade.
Author chris250 Posted February 22, 2009 Author Posted February 22, 2009 Guys who have near 60% interest level can still pursue. They don't necessarily lack the motivation to pursue. The point is you don't want his interest level in the 90s otherwise he becomes too needy and tells you how he doesn't want to live without you. As a basic rule of thumb it's more natural for a man to act like a man when his interest level is not really high.
Author chris250 Posted February 22, 2009 Author Posted February 22, 2009 <----- But I guess it doesn't matter. If ANY of these three women have heard your theories on dating (especially Miss D+), I really think you wouldn't be able to find any woman to give you a passing grade. I'm sure if any of your dates found out that you came to a website such as LS to get advice from strangers on dating they wouldn't give you the time of day either. I would find it inappropriate to tell my dates about my theories on dating or even the fact that I have an account on LS where I seek advice from strangers about dating. These are things we should be discreet about. So I don't have to worry about them finding out. It's really none of their business. Ideally I'm sure our dates would like to know that we think for ourselves and don't need a site like LS telling us what to do on the dates.
SoulSearch_CO Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 I'm sure if any of your dates found out that you came to a website such as LS to get advice from strangers on dating they wouldn't give you the time of day either. *snort* And not all men are as weird and judgmental as yourself. My BF KNOWS I belong to a dating board. He's familiar with what forums are for - giving and seeking advice - as he belongs to one for his own interests. Thanks, though. Yet another of your theories bites the dust.
Author chris250 Posted February 22, 2009 Author Posted February 22, 2009 *snort* And not all men are as weird and judgmental as yourself. My BF KNOWS I belong to a dating board. He's familiar with what forums are for - giving and seeking advice - as he belongs to one for his own interests. Thanks, though. Yet another of your theories bites the dust. So far none of the women I've met are nearly as judgmental as you come across in your post. So you condemn yourself by accusing me of being judgmental. You are doing the exact same thing. I don't need someone like you to tell me that I don't belong in the dating world. You are not God. Everybody on this message board is guilty of being judge and jury. That's what it has been designed for. It's worse than a courtroom! By the way getting dumped is not as important as the reason for getting dumped. I would rather get dumped because she was fed up with my mediocre interest level than getting dumped because I was more into her than she was into me. Again the worst case scenario goes like this: I go out with a girl for a few months, she gets fed up that I have only mediocre interest level and breaks it off. I get upset over it for only a short time and get over it and move on to other dating adventures since I wasn't totally gone over her to begin with. This seems like a good scenario that would work for me.
SoulSearch_CO Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 You put your odd-ball theories out there for EVERYONE to see, Chris - what do you expect? That everyone is going to bow down and worship your wisdom? Not going to happen. Not everybody thinks the same. In fact, you'd be hard-pressed to find any two people in the world that think the exact same way about ANYTHING. If you can't handle the criticism, then you're in the wrong place. My point in my post was that you're going to have a hard time getting any woman to agree with the way you think women should be treated in a relationship. That is, if you are 100% honest about your "theories." But you've made it clear you choose not to be (you need to be "discreet"). I have not hidden any part of myself from my BF to try and be accepted - he just accepts me the way I am and knows my faults. He would not toss me aside like garbage because I hang out on a dating board. THAT is judgmental. I will say this much, though - I'm done with your threads. Most of them seem like an outright joke like you're just trying to see how many responses you can stir up and see how long you can get your threads to go ON and ON and ON. I won't be helping out your ego-stroke any longer. Enjoy. The rest of the board can deal with your BS all they want. I'm finished.
Author chris250 Posted February 22, 2009 Author Posted February 22, 2009 You put your odd-ball theories out there for EVERYONE to see, Chris - what do you expect? That everyone is going to bow down and worship your wisdom? Not going to happen. Not everybody thinks the same. In fact, you'd be hard-pressed to find any two people in the world that think the exact same way about ANYTHING. If you can't handle the criticism, then you're in the wrong place. My point in my post was that you're going to have a hard time getting any woman to agree with the way you think women should be treated in a relationship. That is, if you are 100% honest about your "theories." But you've made it clear you choose not to be (you need to be "discreet"). I have not hidden any part of myself from my BF to try and be accepted - he just accepts me the way I am and knows my faults. He would not toss me aside like garbage because I hang out on a dating board. THAT is judgmental. I will say this much, though - I'm done with your threads. Most of them seem like an outright joke like you're just trying to see how many responses you can stir up and see how long you can get your threads to go ON and ON and ON. I won't be helping out your ego-stroke any longer. Enjoy. The rest of the board can deal with your BS all they want. I'm finished. I consider your posts to be a big joke as well. I have no good reason to take anything you say to heart either so good riddance! I didn't ask you to read any of my threads in the first place so you have only yourself to blame there. It's not my fault.
knaveman Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 Why are you so angry all the time chris? And who are you angry at? Do you even know? Angry face ---><---chris250
winsmith-84 Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 Totally agree with OP here actually. There's this girl that I'm pretty sure is 90% interested in me, and I'm only around 65% interested in her. What it allows me to do, is become a man and be the male figure that a female totally digs for. The hard part is though, is keeping my interested level at around 65%. The more I think about her and the more I hang out with her, the higher my interest level grows, which is not a good thing in my opinion. I also have the tendency to go soft when I like a girl a lot. However, SoulSearch is right on one thing though - the level of pursuit. In order to retain a 65% level, I have to limit the amount of time I think about her and spend time with her. The problem with that is, at 65% interest level, my motivation for pursuing her, as in setting up dates and stuff isn't that great - which may pose as a problem because she may think that I am not interested in her. So wish me luck with the delicate balancing job - I'm really trying to keep this 65% interest level but also let her know that I like her. We'll see how it goes!
knaveman Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 That is WAY TOO much math for dating. Stop over thinking and work on 1+1=LAID.
winsmith-84 Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 65% interest level for a man is good. As long as yours stays safely above 50% then the relationship should be okay. The way to keep your interest level from rising too high would be to not neglect your current hobbies or take up new hobbies. That's what I'm in the process of doing. If I take up new hobbies then I have less time to think about women. I can't force women out of my mind all the time so I have to fill my mind with other interests to keep me distracted. Just remember the worst that could happen is that she dumps you, you get over her quickly and move on to other dating adventures because you weren't all hung up on her to begin with. Not a bad idea - just gotta keep myself occupied. The hardest part is balancing between showing her that you are interested in her, but not internally becoming 90% interested in her.
knaveman Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 Just remember the worst that could happen is that she dumps you, you get over her quickly and move on to other dating adventures because you weren't all hung up on her to begin with. That's your idea of the worst? Seriously? No wonder you don't like any of the advice given on this site. I wish I moved on to dating adventures. Hell, I wish I had adventures. Or dating.
knaveman Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 having strict rules for dating is funny. If life were that simple there would be a hand book, or at least a pamphlet. If you set rules and stick to them you are bound to fail in dating, matters of the heart cannot be measured in such a way. We only set rules like these so we can avoid being hurt but the truth is we cannot avoid being hurt, it's part of life. If you don't put yourself out there you won't ever meet anyone, but you WILL get hurt. Then you get over it and move on and put yourself out there again. Life, it sucks but it's so much fun.
beautiful_stranger Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 If you are already in a serious relationship with her then maybe call her 3 times a week and talk to her for 15-20 minutes on those nights. Ask her how her day went, listen attentively, ask questions about what she's talking to you about. Women are notorious for talking in details over the phone. Go out with her twice a week. Try not to stay out for more than 4 hours! Mix up the days though. Don't go out on the same days each week. Go out on a Tuesday & Friday one week and a Monday & a Thursday the next week. I think twice a week is safe. The idea is not to spend 7 nights a week with her or your interest level will climb through the roof! Buy her little token gifts from time to time like once every 2-3 months or so but not an expensive one at first. Start cheap and then slowly give her more expensive gifts. If your relationship progresses to moving in together then make it a point to kiss her good morning, kiss her goodnight, kiss her when you come home from work, hold and cuddle with her for about 10-15 minutes each night. These little gestures should help give her the sense that you are not taking her for granted. Intriguing theory. Would be interesting to know what OP's profession is? I think some of these could apply to women as well, in terms of pursuing men.
calazhage Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 OP is actually correct. All men are the same.. Good guys, bad boys, etc. If they meet a woman they are extremely interested in, chances are they will be "too needy" and women can sense this. Then their interest level plummets. I have seen this happen hundreds of times. The woman will also lose respect, as too much of your time is spent thinking of her.
Trimmer Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 I don't need someone like you to tell me that I don't belong in the dating world. Heh heh... I love the way that sounds... OP is actually correct. All men are the same.. Good guys, bad boys, etc. If they meet a woman they are extremely interested in, chances are they will be "too needy" and women can sense this. Then their interest level plummets. I have seen this happen hundreds of times. The woman will also lose respect, as too much of your time is spent thinking of her. No, see, a man can be no greater than 52.5% needy, as long as the woman shows a minimum of 72.6% interest, and the eigenvector of the linear solution matrix will be stable. Now, if her respect drops below the 63.9% threshold, then it has been shown to have a suppressive effect on her interest index, therefore there is not much headroom if she is already hovering near the 72.6% interest value mentioned above. For penis length PL > 8.2", multiply all female thresholds (interest, respect, sexual attraction) by 1.25.
39388 Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 An ideal relationship would be one in which the woman's interest level is in the 90s and the man's interest level is no higher than the mid 80s. When his interest level is in the 80s he can still be gone over her and manly at the same time. Not going for the woman in which you have the 90% interest level is idiotic, unless you know the woman has too low an interest level. The ideal relationship is where both have high interest levels in each other. Maybe thinking like this will keep me alone, but I'm not about to change.
BobSacamento Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 Chris I think you might be on to something. I mean the 90 % interest in someone could be 80 % lust. And when you start off that high chances are it will fade. I would rather start low in interest and have it grow to be totally honest. Like fall in love you know.
runner Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 sounds like the OP isn't all that interested in a real relationship (pun certainly intended), and just wants someone to keep him entertained until she figures out the charade and dumps him. wash, rinse, repeat whilst leaving behind him a string of jaded women who feel like they've wasted their time in the first place. if you can't man up and go after the one you really want whilst keeping your sense of self, i guess thats telling in itself. poor girls
movingonandon Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 Chris I think you might be on to something. I mean the 90 % interest in someone could be 80 % lust. And when you start off that high chances are it will fade. I would rather start low in interest and have it grow to be totally honest. Like fall in love you know. Much better scenario IMO as well, as long as you keep it under control. I'm not a huge fan of contrived dating theories overall, but occasionally they restate some basic facts about relationships. The controversy usually is stirred when we instinctually (and rightly so) disagree with such a cynical assessment of the process of attraction and would like to believe that it doesn't apply to us. But, you know what? As unique as we are as human beings, there are certain social regularities, and they apply to relationships too... As far as I'm concerned, there is nothing wrong with small doses of moderate old-fashioned sexism, including being somewhat distant in the courtshi process. Much of the problems today stem from uncontrolled escalation in the expectations of men. As much as it is nice to be treated like a queen, many women resent this deep down and end up not appreciating it anyway. (i know I sound like a grandpa, so save your breath ) All the grand seducers in history (fictional and non-fictional) have been quite selfish. There is no contradiction between being (healthily selfish) and being a gentleman.
princess Linda Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 this is funny as hell~! u think practical =like me.. as to protect yourself from being hurt.. cut the crap & just admit that you want to be 99.9%interested & you want the woman to be 99.9% interested too.. except it almost never happens that way.. so to protect yourself you will pick some1 who is more interested in you or who loves you more than you love them. (i'm a girl & i do this.. i think like a guy all the time*) weird i kno* anyway, i was 85% interested & the guy was 95% interested.. but i broke it off b/c i felt it wasn't fair to not be equally interested -b/c i truly love this man & feel he deserves as much as he gives.. ----perhaps with time i would become 100% interested.. but i know i held back.. and maybe i'm scared of fully commiting.... sigh* maybe u are to?... maybe we all are?
39388 Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 so to protect yourself you will pick some1 who is more interested in you or who loves you more than you love them. (i'm a girl & i do this.. i think like a guy all the time*) weird i kno* anyway, i was 85% interested & the guy was 95% interested.. but i broke it off b/c i felt it wasn't fair to not be equally interested -b/c i truly love this man & feel he deserves as much as he gives.. ----perhaps with time i would become 100% interested.. but i know i held back.. and maybe i'm scared of fully commiting.... Only a messed up guy would do something that crazy. Hard to believe the 85% based on breaking it up. Sounds more like 45% or less.
39388 Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 As far as I'm concerned, there is nothing wrong with small doses of moderate old-fashioned sexism, including being somewhat distant in the courtshi process. Much of the problems today stem from uncontrolled escalation in the expectations of men. As much as it is nice to be treated like a queen, many women resent this deep down and end up not appreciating it anyway. (i know I sound like a grandpa, so save your breath ) All the grand seducers in history (fictional and non-fictional) have been quite selfish. There is no contradiction between being (healthily selfish) and being a gentleman. I need to be strong enough to end a relationship quickly if a woman exhibits these behaviors.
monkey00 Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Having been in a relationship with a woman where it's 90-90 and another where it was 60-90...I would much happily choose the 90-90 any day. Yes, it's easier to be a man at 60 and seem to care less about the girl. But I would much rather feel butterflies when I see her, and feel miserable when I don't see her. Just because you are 90% interested in a girl doesn't mean you have to give up your social life or your friends for her, while it may be harder it makes the experience that much more fun. It sounds to me like what you're concerned about is maintaining the power in the relationship.
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