sjml251 Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 My ex bf of almost 8 years unexpectedly dumped me for another women a few months ago. We own our home together and had built what I thought was a nice, not perfect, but nice life. I could not believe it and it was incredibly painful. He acted like I should instantly be over our 8 year relationship and get over it. I found condoms in our house less than 1 week after he dumped me and was contantly finding all kinds of hurtful things everywhere as I stayed at home grieving while he was out dating. I moved out ASAP and that helped tons, instantly. Once he was out of my face, I was able to start working through the pain and see what a complete selfish a-hole he had been for so long.....losing him, although difficult to bear, was no real loss at all, in the long run. I thought he was someone special, someone who I could share a life with - but going through this breakup made me realize that I could never share a life with a person as self absorbed as he is. Of course, getting dumped for someone else was a bit of a self-esteem blow but I eventually realized that he just made a weak, shallow move (actually, a long series of weak shallow moves).....I don't need to beat myself up because he behaved like a complete jerk....it's no reflection on me at all, just a complete reflection of him. Well, of course, once I had finally worked through the bulk of the real painful break-up pangs, his rebound relationship ended (about a week and a half ago) and now he's having to deal with the pain of the loss of our relationship AND the pain of feeling like a completely guilty jerk because now his best friend (that was me) is gone for good because of how horribly and thoughtlessly he handled the situation with me.....I guess you reap what you sow. I don't see myself making any real effort to be his friend in the future - who needs a friend that could be so cruel, selfish, and thoughtless? I'm still stuck owning the house with him for the time being due to bad market but it's fine - we don't have to talk or anything so I'm able to pretty much maintain NC which is all I think I will ever want with him no matter how many times he says he's sorry. There is nothing he could really say or do to make any of it ok so NC is the only thing that makes sense to me.
LostFocus Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 I dated a girl for 3 and half years and I broke it off because I was moving a state away and was not willing to have a LDR with her. We were both in love but she betrayed my trust before and I wasn't willing to make the same mistake twice by leaving her alone. I invited her to come with me because i would have been able to support her. She declined and I left. A month after the break up, she moved in with another guy she had just met. A MONTH, I was hurt but I can't say I was surprised. She would call me often telling me how happy she was, probably to rub it in my face. I never got angry at her because I knew it would blow up in her face. I found a nice girl 3 months after the break up that lasted 10 months. My ex from 3yrs still calls me from time to time to chat. She is raising her son by herself and I literally see her ex on the street playing music for money. Ultimately I am happier today than when I was with her, she on the other hand has a tough life of working minimum wage and raising her son. I wish her the best.
brokenglass Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 My ex-fiance of 6 years pretty much moved all of her stuff out, and 3 weeks later tells me shes already slept with 3 different people. I suppose I don't blame her, nor am I surprised, but it was a definite blow to my self esteem and self worth. Whether or not it should have been remains to be seen, considering I was unfaithful to her at times. I could always try to justify why I did what I did. But I don't anymore, it was all selfish actions. But yeah, the moment she moved her stuff and our son's stuff out of our townhouse she got right back on her Yahoo messenger and hooked up with whomever, started going out, etc. I just stayed at home fantasizing she wasn't doing that stuff and was taking a breather from the past 6 years. Pretty naive huh? I'm trying not to let it affect me anymore than it already has, but it is without a doubt a shocking thing to learn, especially when you're pretty much forced to be in a friendly, civil relationship with this person for the sake of your child. Falling out of love has not nearly been as easy for me as it obviously has been to her.
EasyHeart Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 Update on my situation: I found out that my ex's new 'relationship' with her 'amazing' new boyfriend who really appreciated her and respected her lasted about one month -- they broke up in early March. Not sure who initiated the break up. She's apparently undaunted, though, and is hanging out in bars trying to meet guys. She's a pretty girl and I doubt she's being very picky, so I'm sure she's having success. And it makes me want to vomit my guts out. . . .
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