SpanksTheMonkey Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 Little past history I was in a abusive relationship for around 3 years he just recently left to live quite a ways away for work. We have still been in contact via phone tho hes very immature and controlling. I wasn't allowed to have any friends while we lived together for starters he has a drinking prob to boot! It was so hard at 1st but its been over a week now hes gone and its getting a little easer each day. So today I rang him to say I put 30 bucks into our joint bank account and ask him to please not touch it as Ive done a phone banking payment and don't want the account to bounce normal request I thought. With that he then lies and says oh well Ive already spent it on cigarettes and thats to bad cause he needed it more! Now to say the least I was p*ssed! as I had left him a message earlier in the day asking him to not use that money.. Now mind you his parents just gave him over a thousand bucks to move down there he really needs my 33? common..So anyways I quickly call the bank and find out its just a lie! and the joint hasn't been touched today. I really don't understand why he feels the need to upset me to that point for nothing he then said to me "oh I'm just not going to answer my # I'm not dealing with your sh*t today" My sh*t excuse me?? I didn't do anything wrong he always manages to twist his cruel acts to make me think I'm some how at fault hes the kind of person thats never wrong I'm so upset right now. Another example just a few days ago he was on his way down there south island that is and he stopped in a tiny town for a few days. Well I got a phone call that night he was drunk as hell and crying uncontrollably saying he had been beaten up! this was at 1:30 am mind you. So I tried to be nice and calming and supportive tell him to calm down every things going to be ok asking him what happened. He then turns around and tells me to shut up bitch and then hangs the phone up saying **** you! I was beside myself that night needless to say next day he rings like nothing happened turned out later he mouthed off to some local girl. And I guess her guy friends didn't like it to much from what I could gather he wasn't very forthcoming about that night. So the next day when I say don't you think you were a little rude last night he gets upset/nasty with me????? How is that wrong to say???? I dunno any advice much apshiated. Ps...I'm in the process of weening myself away from him I know I kneed to I guess I just need to know if any of this is my fault in anyways? So I can maybe get some reassurance and closure maybe I just need some extra support right now.. I also rang him today cause he had sent me some nice pics of the new place hes at. So I thought he would be happy to talk or at least in a level mood turns out not! Ive always wondered if he is a schizophrenic to be honest others had said he acts like it I don't know tho I'm not a mental health professional.
sb129 Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 Why do you even still have a joint bank account with him if you aren't together? Get that sorted out first. Second- change your phone number.
Author SpanksTheMonkey Posted February 22, 2009 Author Posted February 22, 2009 It was actually his account he added me too when we got together I have a personal one. But its in the rears a little bit at the moment its not cheep getting set up on your own again I'm finding. Oh I forgot to mention he also managed to get our hole moving truck fully packed stolen by hanging out with shady people yet another thing I was blamed for! So I have my own place now and am starting over. Mean time his parents are gold they have been helping me along the way since the robbery and they use that joint account to deposit money if I get into any jams! At the moment I appreciate them to no end . I just got the new # if he continues I may just do that I dunno I just wish we could leave on a good note I guess but maybe thats in vain...
Treasa Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Do you REALLY care about leaving on a good note with someone who acts like this?? I would spend whatever it cost to get a new, separate account. And then stop talking to him, stop taking his calls, stop hoping for something good to come out of this. Otherwise you're just inviting more crap.
Eve Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 I think he treats you in this manner because you are too open with him. He simply does not deserve the intimate reflections which you offer him. I say this because of his behaviours. Essentially, he sounds like a complete dick. I do struggle to understand situations such as yours. I now follow the explanation that someone I know gave within her reasons for staying in an abusive relationship, she said that, 'because noone had given me a chance, I kept giving him chances'. Her situation was probably worse than yours but holds some simular aspects. Whats most shocking for me is that he left you to secure work elsewhere and you are now continuing the bond.. I would say that it would be good to work on your self esteem and find out why you are so afraid to be free. Steer clear of relationships until you have answers that you can easily live by. Regards, Eve xx
Island Girl Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 This is just terrible. You say it is expensive to restart your situation and I do agree it can be challenging. But you took the money you did have and entrusted HIM with it?!! (The guy who has a track record of being abusive and completely unfeeling as far you are concerned.) Now, you have less than you did have. There's a shocker! You keep putting yourself in a position (even long distance now) where he can screw you over. And then you are surprised when he does what he has always done and screws you over. What is happening each time that you think some miraculous change has occurred and he is going to suddenly be a caring considerate human being? I can answer my own question: NOTHING And every time you are setting yourself up for anguish, stress, and financial hardship. The only way he can turn things around on you is if you ALLOW him to. That means you actually buy in and feel you have to justify yourself when he is just full of BS. So stop listening to anything he has to say. Remember he is a complete moron loser who has abused you and disrespected you. Remember you never deserved ANY of it and that he is not a part of your life - you don't have to speak with him - you can cut everything off and make arrangements for yourself your own way. It is up to you to protect yourself and treat yourself as you would want another to treat you. That means you put you and your needs first without putting yourself in a position where some leach can take advantage of you or abuse you in any way.
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