Lippy2 Posted February 21, 2009 Posted February 21, 2009 I am in need of some insight as I am feeling lost. My boyfriend and I had gotten back together this past Christmas, we had been broken up since August and talked and texted each other during that time. The whole time that we were broken up he told me that he never stopped loving me and that he would always be interested in me. He is the one who broke up with me saying it just wasn't going to work, he was mad at me at the time that happened. ( We have been together for 5 years - LDR for the past three years when he had to move away for work) So, we got back together at Christmas and he still seemed a little hesitant because he has so much going on in his work life and things were about to change there. He traveled some as it was but in the middle of January he found out that he would be traveling to the west coast almost every week for awhile and didn't know how much and when even after that. It seemed to really stress him out plus all the other changes work wise. He asked me to be patient and I said of course I would and I supported him 100%. He wasn't calling much or texting like he use even before this. Then he seems totally stressed from all the travel and everything. I was okay with it, I was trying to be understanding. Then a couple of days ago he calls and he seemed all agitated. Finally at somepoint in the conversation, I said is there a reason you don't call me back or want to talk to me. He said no, I just have been so tired and I feel bad for not calling because I want to but then I don't and then I think you'll be upset with me. So, he then says if I am going to be honest with myself and you, I have been doing alot of thinking and I think I need to take a step back and be by myself for awhile because I feel guilty that I can't give you what you want and need right now and I don't know when all the stuff is gonna slow down. That it isn't a question of him loving me because he does. He said he feels like he is always depressed when he talks to me. He is contemplating everything because he just doesn't know if it would work (like what are the expectations, what's the next step). He told me that I was the perfect girlfriend and no one could ask or better, that I was so supportive, giving understanding etc. If he wanted to be with someone it would be me. He said he didn't want to see anyone else, hence the I want to be by myself for awhile and he can't make any committments or promises right now. That he doesn't want to waste more of my time because I am wonderful and deserve better than he can give right now or might not ever be able to give. He said I don't want to tell you to wait because that's not fair to you. He just know it's not you, it's me .. UGH>>>> Theres more but I think ones gets the jist. Can anyone help me with a some insight as I am so very confused and HURT? I thought this was the man I was going to spend my life wife. Right now I don't know what to think?
saturnsfall Posted February 21, 2009 Posted February 21, 2009 Hi, It honestly sounds like he's overwhelmed from work. If I put myself in that situation (which I'm kind of in, however, I would be playing his role) I would not be able to be in a long distance relationship wile traveling so much. I think his honesty is wonderful, and I'm sure he cares for and loves you a great deal. He may be overwhelmed with everything at work, more than he thought he would be and cannot focus as he needs to right now. You mentioned thinking he's the one you would be spending your life with. I know this chapter wasn't written how you imagined or hoped it would be, but you don't know what the future holds. People go through fazes. You may very well talk to him down the road or see him and the both of you decide to give it another try. Things may settle down for him at work and he realizes he's ready to be in a relation ship with you once again. This is all hypothetical on my part, I do not know; however possibilities are endless in life. Right now, you probably feel like "this is it. It's over. We'll never be again" but your story is different from many of the other stories posted on this site. Your story talks about love, truth and honesty. There was no terrible ending to what was a terrible relationship. Yes, there was an ending. But the ending was due to time constraints. One thing you should do, is continue to be supportive and positive as you were during the time when the two of you were together. He will respect this and you more for keeping a positive attitude. This will show him you do not buckle under pressure and lose all control in upsetting situations. This will only keep his opinion of you as positive, and no one wants to lose something positive that made them happy and was wonderful all around. Make sense?
Author Lippy2 Posted February 21, 2009 Author Posted February 21, 2009 Hi, It honestly sounds like he's overwhelmed from work. If I put myself in that situation (which I'm kind of in, however, I would be playing his role) I would not be able to be in a long distance relationship wile traveling so much. I think his honesty is wonderful, and I'm sure he cares for and loves you a great deal. He may be overwhelmed with everything at work, more than he thought he would be and cannot focus as he needs to right now. You mentioned thinking he's the one you would be spending your life with. I know this chapter wasn't written how you imagined or hoped it would be, but you don't know what the future holds. People go through fazes. You may very well talk to him down the road or see him and the both of you decide to give it another try. Things may settle down for him at work and he realizes he's ready to be in a relation ship with you once again. This is all hypothetical on my part, I do not know; however possibilities are endless in life. Right now, you probably feel like "this is it. It's over. We'll never be again" but your story is different from many of the other stories posted on this site. Your story talks about love, truth and honesty. There was no terrible ending to what was a terrible relationship. Yes, there was an ending. But the ending was due to time constraints. One thing you should do, is continue to be supportive and positive as you were during the time when the two of you were together. He will respect this and you more for keeping a positive attitude. This will show him you do not buckle under pressure and lose all control in upsetting situations. This will only keep his opinion of you as positive, and no one wants to lose something positive that made them happy and was wonderful all around. Make sense? Yes, it makes sense and thank you. I suppose that sometimes I thinks it's just so cliche if you will. It's not you it's me. Your so wonderful but I don't want you. I know that may sound harsh but I sometimes wonder. I obviously understand the stresses of his life but if you love someone and want to be with them, you would call them, share with them. You would want to do these things and it seemed like he didn't want to anymore. He mentioned a couple of weeks ago before we broke up again that he got out of the habit of calling, which to me was not a very good statement, you should want to. There were times he didn't even return a text or phone call for three of 4 days. So, I am just wondering if maybe he is seeing someone else, hence the no phone calls sometimes and when he was home outside of his traveling he still didn't call much. I even asked him a couple of weeks ago, if I should just go away and leave him alone and he said no, that's no what I want. Also, during that conversation when we broke up he ask me if I wanted to be friends and start that way again because he likes talking to me. I told him that I would support him through anything. Then he said again, I just want to take a step back and look at everything and I want to say that it's not fair of me to say to you that's what I want and that the thought of you with someone else makes me want to puke. I guess I am thinking in my own mind that he just wanted out and wanted to be a NICE GUY and let me down gently but part of me wants to believe that he geuinely feels the way he says he does. I even asked him that's what he was doing and that it sounded cliche. He said I know it does but it's not.
saturnsfall Posted February 21, 2009 Posted February 21, 2009 We can never know what someone is truly thinking; however we can speculate all we want. You know this man; therefore you will know if he's being honest with you. It's easy for our reasoning to escape us and to think the complete opposite of what is really happening. Is this someone who has always been honest with you? I agree, him saying he's not calling and has gotten used to is, is a bit harsh, but maybe he's trying to retreat for reasons as he said. He can't give you what you need right now, or what he would like to give you. That could very well be. Maybe he feels like if he continues to call, it won't help either of you right now. When break ups happen, typically, we think it's about someone else. But this is what I think - he travels a lot from what you've said, so... when would he have the time to build a relationship with someone? I think that would be difficult. No, you will probably not know 100% whether or not there is truth to your fear, but it doesn't seem feesable. The best thing for you, right now, would be to take some time away from speaking with him and think about the situation and talk about. Not talking to him or calling him for a few days is not going to hurt anything. All it can do is either 1) leave things the way they are or 2) help the situation. How long has it been since you last spoke?
Author Lippy2 Posted February 21, 2009 Author Posted February 21, 2009 No he hasn't always been honest. Probably part of my fears. This was years ago though. We broke up Thursday night. the conversation ended with him saying talk to you later, bye. I did text him the next day because after being up all night and doing some of my own thinking, I wanted to talk with him about it. So I texted him "I know you have a tough busy day ( because I knew what he was doing that day)so if you get the chance this afternoon or evening could you give me a call." He didn't call and I probably shouldn't have done texted him but I wanted to talk some more because I felt kinda blindsided and wanted to tell him what I was thinking.
Author Lippy2 Posted February 21, 2009 Author Posted February 21, 2009 Oh one other thing. He did this last year, the I need some time and space to work on myself and my issues. That's actually what I said to him to other night, that he already did this and he said I know, I don't know why this is happenening again, maybe it's all the traveling.
saturnsfall Posted February 21, 2009 Posted February 21, 2009 Well, you can't beat yourself up over not hearing back from him because it seems like this has been the trend with him lately. I know how difficult it is to want to speak with someone and you can't. It's the worst feeling ever! You need to keep a calm pace though. Have you contacted him since Thursday? Traveling can be stressful, especially if someone travels quite a bit. There isn't a great deal of time to think about much, except what time the next flight is, where you have to be after you pick up a rental car and find your way to the destination you've never been to in a city you've never been to. As for his honesty, don't think about the past. Living in the past never helped anyone. Yes, you can learn from the past and tread with caution because of the past, but don't live in the past. I take it the two of you worked things out after his being dishonest, so don't go backwards.
Author Lippy2 Posted February 22, 2009 Author Posted February 22, 2009 No I have not contacted him since I sent the text message. Yes, we did talk about his dishonesty in the past and normally I don't think about but somehow someway there is a piece missing. I want to trust him, something just feels strange. How many times does one need to go figure things out and be alone, saying I can't make any committments or promises right now? I know it's been long distance for awhile but that's just it, we already have distance between us. I understand the stress of everything but he has done it even when things weren't this stressful saying he just needed to figure out his issues and work on himself and said the same thing he did this time that it isn't fair to ask me to wait. Sometimes I think he just doesn't want me in his life. I am just so confused. Should I support him or just leave him alone?
Author Lippy2 Posted February 22, 2009 Author Posted February 22, 2009 I guess I keep remembering things that he said. He said he didn't want to waste anymore of time. I really don't understand any of this. Is he really being honest with me or does he really just want to go away.
Author Lippy2 Posted February 24, 2009 Author Posted February 24, 2009 Does anyone else have an opinion? I could really use some help and support. Do I call him and continue to support him or leave him alone. Let him be. I don't know what to do. I feel helpless and alone. I feel like he does not want me.
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