Kelso Posted February 21, 2009 Posted February 21, 2009 Me: I'm 26 years old. I'm not the relationship type of person. My relationships usually don't last longer than few months. I'm very outgoing person. I do what I feel like I wanna do every time and I spend every earned dollar on myself. Him: Same age. Has been in few long term relationships (2+ years). The girls he dates are usually not very hot, not funny and usually tend to dislike me and my lifestyle. He has two kids with his girlfriend that he has been seeing since late summer 2006. Last night we were at a restaurant celebrating our friends birthday. He had informed me earlier that he would be leaving at 10.30 because he HAD TO catch a bus to the city where his gf's parents live. His gf's friend has a daughter who is turning 1 year old today and he was going to that birthday party. So he left the party at 10.30 to take a bus (even though I had told him that I could drive him the morning after). I decided to send his GF a text message which said: "He think we shouldn't send him alone with the bus, he is ****faced after 3 beers" which was of course not true. 4 seconds later his GF called him. So he left the birthday party to go to a ghost town that is 60 miles away to go to sleep. Is it really possible that anyone can really be that whipped?!?!?!?!?!? Guess I don't have to explain that his GF probably hates me even more now after that text
quankanne Posted February 21, 2009 Posted February 21, 2009 you just showed your rear by shooting off that email ...
whichwayisup Posted February 21, 2009 Posted February 21, 2009 Is it really possible that anyone can really be that whipped?!?!?!?!?!? It's called responsibility that he has to her and their child. They have children together so they ARE a family unit. He isn't whipped, he's doing what he has to do because THAT is his life now. Yeah I'm sure she thinks YOU are a bad influence on him. It seems you're in one place in life, party it up and drink, can't commit long term to anyone, and he is the opposite of that.
whichwayisup Posted February 21, 2009 Posted February 21, 2009 Let me ask you, are you a part of his life other than partying and laughing it up with him? Have you met his girlfriend? His children? Are you in his daily life, through thick and thin or are you just the fun friend from the past? He may be your oldest friend but what you did to him was outright cruel and manipulative. You aren't only messing with his girlfriend, you're messing with HIM and their relationship, their family. If you truly care about him, respect him and stop crapping on his lifestyle and his girlfriend, the mother of his children.
Author Kelso Posted February 22, 2009 Author Posted February 22, 2009 Sure, no problem. I have tried to be part of his life. But he doesn't need me, just like he doesn't need any of our other friends. Most of our communications are through MSN/AOL, and he never calls me, except of course when he needs something. And when I needs it, I do whatever I can to help him (just like when I picked him up at his school on Friday, even though it took 45 minutes). When I call him, he usually doesn't answer (uses the silence button) - and usually doesn't call back. I have met his girlfriend, but she has not made any effort to get to know me or any of our friends. That doesn't seem to matter to him. Of course I've met his kids, but they are still young (2yo and 5mth old), so I don't think that's the issue. Am I in his daily life? Yes and no. Whenever it suits him, he contacts me and I respond and help him if he asks for help. For an example. Last time when I went to the US, he asked me if I could buy some clothes for his children because it is a lot cheaper in the US then in our home country. I did and the baby clothes took half the space of my suitcase. To me, that was not a problem. I spent 2,5 hours in Babies'r'us finding EVERYTHING that his gf put on the list. The text I sent her gf wasn't cruel. It was sarcastic. The fact is, that she doesn't give a damn about me, so I don't care a lot about her as a person. But of course I respect her as a important person of my oldest and best friends life. I'm not crapping on his lifestyle. In fact, most of my friends have kids (including the one who had birthday last night). All of them, except from this one, can find time every now and then to go out and have fun once in a while. It's not like I'm asking him to go partying with me every weekend. It just hurts a little that me oldest and my best friend actually doesn't give a damn about my life, just because I don't want to get married and have children. I just can't respect someone that does not respect me. Is that bad?
Author Kelso Posted February 22, 2009 Author Posted February 22, 2009 and a little bit more... Am I his friend through thick and then? YES. I waited with him in a hospital for five hours when he has serious chest pains after soccer practice five years ago. I lent him 3.000 dollars to pay off their (mostly her) credit card bills last summer. He has payed me half back though. I have lent him my car almost every time I've been out of town (I travel a lot because of my job). And of course ... he has been using the TV I lent him for the past 2 years. That might not be the issue. But I have helped him a lot. But I don't get anything in return ... barely friendship. So I ask again .. is this normal?
carhill Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 Normal for a one-sided friendship. I would opine your live and let live lifestyle is likely why you and he are still friends. Your lifestyle is relatively flexible. I recall this dynamic well, as a single person for many years who had married friends. I always got the impression that they thought they were "more important" because they had families. The few who didn't went on to become close friends, helping me define the difference between friends and acquaintances. Try a little indifference. Worked great for me
whichwayisup Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 Then this changes everything. This new info you left out in your original post and it made you sound like you were just jealous of him choosing his girlfriend and family life over you. Bottomline is this, seems you've been there for him but he hasn't been there for you (which in one sense is kind of normal seeing as it's a man/woman friendship) so if this bugs you so much, TALK to him and sort this out..Or just stop being there for him everytime he needs something from you. Sorry if my reply earlier was harsh, but now that you've filled in the blanks more, I can understand that you feel unimportant and not included in his life.
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