akrinor Posted February 21, 2009 Posted February 21, 2009 I went to high school with my current boyfriend (I am now 33) and during that time, I never thought twice about him. Then, a week before I graduated, this guy I had been casually dating took me to meet his best friend. From the moment I looked at him I was in love. He was all I could think about. Immediately, we started spending a lot of time together, at my insistence. I have gone for long times without talking to him (almost 2 years at one point), but as soon as I talk to him again I am right back where I was. I truly think I am addicted to him. He is a drug to me. He has been the man that I have judged every other man in my life against. I even married another man, because I couldn't get my love to commit, but I ended up divorcing him as soon as I could. I wanted to be with my love. I am now with him and we are happy, but I wonder why I feel this way. I don't think he is perfect or anything, far from it, but I am so in love with him. There have been times when my feelings were not beneficial to me, but I couldn't give him up. Even while I was married, I planned how I would stop his wedding if I happened to find out that he was getting married (thank God he didn't do that!). Does anyone understand what I am talking about? Please tell me I am not crazy and that it's something chemical...or something. That is what I keep telling myself, as it is something I feel I have no control over it.
Cmgeary Posted February 21, 2009 Posted February 21, 2009 It's very simple - your in love. It's natural to have an attraction to someone you love. Your crazy, but only for him, and that's perfectly okay.
norajane Posted February 21, 2009 Posted February 21, 2009 Does he keep you off balance all the time? Does he withhold something from you - affection, his emotions, his thoughts, promises, plans for the future - things that prevent true emotional and intellectual intimacy and commitment? Does he do the push-pull dance with you, and has he done it for years? If so, both of you have issues with intimacy and commitment, so you're a "match" in that neither of you can really give your all to anyone, and you recognize that in each other. The rest is chemistry.
Author akrinor Posted February 21, 2009 Author Posted February 21, 2009 Does he keep you off balance all the time? Does he withhold something from you - affection, his emotions, his thoughts, promises, plans for the future - things that prevent true emotional and intellectual intimacy and commitment? Does he do the push-pull dance with you, and has he done it for years? If so, both of you have issues with intimacy and commitment, so you're a "match" in that neither of you can really give your all to anyone, and you recognize that in each other. The rest is chemistry. "Off balance" would be putting it mildly. It has seemed like up until very recently, the only time he would want to be with me was when I had finally decided that I just couldn't do it any longer. I think what finally got his ass in gear was me being married to someone else. He finally understood that I was going to move on, even if it killed me. He now talks forever and doesn't seem to be going anywhere, but it has been a long hard road to get here. I don't know why I stuck through such BS, except that I believed in my heart of hearts that we would be together. And that chemistry thing.
norajane Posted February 21, 2009 Posted February 21, 2009 Well, I don't want to sound like the voice of gloom and doom here, but this hard road isn't over. Let me guess, even now, maybe you feel like he's pulling away sometimes? Like he's not all there with you? Being together is "great", but in some very important way, it's not great at all and makes you feel uneasy? Do some reading on intimacy issues. He's not capable of being truly intimate with anyone - he can't give completely of himself to a relationship. He holds back some part of himself.
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