mm4184 Posted February 21, 2009 Posted February 21, 2009 Wow, I haven't logged in here for a long time because I've just been trying really hard to stay busy, go out, socialize, etc... So I want to update because I broke down after months of not crying.. Hope you guys have a chance to read this because I feel like I just don't have anyone to talk to anymore. We broke up in September but then a month later started seeing each other again and I clung onto a hope that one day he'll want me back. Things got complicated and we ended up not being on as good terms as we did when we first broke up and we fought because he caught me snooping etc.. so we just didn't trust each other anymore. This January, we exchanged Christmas presents and I decided to really detach myself. We were already having issues so I know he was going to detach himself either way. He's 30, doesn't feel he's where he needs to be, and I think he just wants to explore so I can't stay around to be hurt anymore. We ended it on good terms and even had "break up sex" and I have tried from that day to just let things go. I've been doing well with that aside from the fact that 2 of my best friends help out his TV show and are friends with him and his friends like I used to be. They don't really understand why I'm a little upset at them for continuing to be his friend but I also see their view that they have to do what they want to do in life and that TV show is supposedly that important to them along with the friendships between my ex and them (but if it wasn't for me, they wouldn't even be helping out with the show or be friends with him) So I kind of cut myself off from those 2 friends as much as it hurts but it also helped because I wasn't constantly reminded of him or hearing about what they've been up to etc. Then last night, I go to a lounge that I've been going to ever Thursday and one of my friends calls me to tell me that those 2 friends are there. They NEVER go there and everyone knows that I'm always there because the people who throw the party are my close friends. So I was surprised to hear they were there... but even more surprised that they didn't tell me they were coming, knowing for a fact I would be there. I still talk to them sometimes so I thought it was kind of rude they didn't contact me at all. Then as I'm walking to the place, my friend calls me again and tells me that my ex is there as well. It was like a shot in the heart. I was SO upset because first, my 2 friends could have warned me or at least let me know they were coming and that my ex was going to be there and second, because my ex knows for a fact that I am there every Thursday. Our last conversation he had said "You make it seem like we're never going to see each other anymore. I'll see you around I'm sure because we know the same people and I know that place is your spot every Thursday, etc" So I was just so shaken up because I hadn't seen him for so long AND my 2 friends didn't even tell me! There was a bit of drama but I guess it worked out a bit because last night they started a dress code and my ex and his brother didn't even get in. I saw them outside, said hi, kissed them on the cheek and went right in. My friends throwing the party said they didn't let him in because they started a dress code and inside I was kind of laughing because no one ever DOESN'T let them in because they're important in the music industry so they must have been really pissed. Anyways, I didn't even look at him when I said hi. It was all so fast and I was just so upset but my question is... WHY would he show up there!? KNOWING for a fact I would be there... and that I have been avoiding places he's at so why the hell would he go there? I know his brother might have wanted to go because they knew the DJs but he KNOWS that I would be there and that it is not a big place so he would have to see me. Is it because he's completely over it and doesn't care or is it because he wanted to see me? I don't get it. I know I shouldn't care but he's just not the type of guy to spite me. It's not like I'll get answers to my questions but I'm just wondering what could have got him to go when he knows I've been trying to get over him! Then my 2 friends.. whatever. I don't even want to waste my breath anymore. I guess I'm just upset because they're able to know what's going on with him and be part of his life I loved to be part of before.. the concerts, shows, parties, etc... I'm just so confused. I've been thinking about moving for so long but I don't want to run away and all my support system is here. I wish I was over it already! I miss him a lot... but I just can't hurt myself anymore
westexgrl Posted February 21, 2009 Posted February 21, 2009 It really is hard to run into an ex. Especially if he was the one that did the breaking up. It sounds like the 2 friends you are talking about may not really care too much about your feelings. It may have been a good idea to distance yourself and try to surround yourself with real friends. Real friends are hard to come by and if you have just one "real" friend-you're lucky. The lounge is a public place-right? So your ex has just as much right to go there as you, right? I'm not trying to be mean to you, but just because you like to go there doesn't mean he can't go too. Do you think he was going to try to get under your skin? If so, that isn't very cool. At this point, try to move on-it sounds like you've done a great job of it and what happened last night may help you to realize that the 2 of you really aren't meant to be-and that is a good thing to realize.
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