IZZIE Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 A bit scary posting on this site because I know I might get harsh comments, but I need to vent. My hopes are to receive some support, I suppose, even though I feel undeserving. Well, here goes... I'm involved with a MM and have been for more than two years. In some ways my situation is different, but in some ways my story is just like anyone else's. I've never before been involved with a MM and my desire is to not repeat this utterly awful behaviour. Yes, I'm fully aware of my sins, but I seem to have lost myself. I don't know how to get out of this situation - I'm sadly prioritizing feelings over rational and as a consequence my emotional life is in turmoil. How is my situation different? Maybe it isn't in the larger scheme of things. The MM is a Christian Syrian (cultural defintion more so than religious) and I'm European, also sharing Christian beliefs, but not behaviour. In the beginning, he pursued me strongly and I caved in. Early on, it was passion more than deep feelings of love, but love has of course evolved. He is a typical patriarchal Syrian man who comes from a family with strong traditions. He had a modern day arranged marriage - that is, he picked his wife who had the choice to say yes or no to him. No sex, kisses or spending time alone before marriage was consumated. He, like most MM I suppose, lack something in their marriage and thus pursue women who, more or less, lack some sort of stability. I am not saying this is the case for every woman, but there is some sort of punishing behaviour towards self in order to accept and choose to be the OW. Anyway - gotta try to keep it somewhat short - he is not happy and neither is she. She knows about me. His whole family (except mum and dad) knows about me and know me. It is somewhat 'ok' for a Syrian man to have an affair, but a divorce is different. If he divorces her based on loving another woman, the priest will not agree to a divorce. If he goes against the priests decision and divorces her, his close and extended family lose respect for him and he is 'cut' off from them. She has the right to divorce him - she has even gotten an 'ok' from his parents (they know he sees someone, but not that it is me), but chooses not to. If she divorces him, she will be looked upon as the bad woman/wife by the greater community who does not know their personal situation. Who dumps whom is very important. I feel horrible for being the OW and I have tried to leave the relationship numerous times, but he won't let me. Every time I try (I could try harder, I know) he comes back twice as strong. I love him, of course, but I don't want to live like this. And now I'm pretty sure, I'm pregnant. I am nearly 37 years old and I have no children. I cannot bare aborting a child. Partly because I want a child, but also because I'm already in the bad books with God. Had an awful dream about Satan last night and had to read the Bible and just hope that God has not for always turned his back on me. I know I have turned my back. I want to get my life with straight, but I just seem to be unable to shake my MM (whom I love, but can't continue living with - not like this). What to do? I can't move to get away. I've lived abroad for most my adult life and I can't leave my mother alone yet again. It would brake her heart. I am financially secure, have a prestigous job, my own place, a car, a BA and an MA and live in a country where parents get leave for more than one year and where day care is cheap. If he would leave her, I would be with him. But at the same time, I don't want to harm his family more than I already have. I just want to know how to get the strength to leave when he so strongly does not allow/want that to happen. I could shame him by talking to his uncle, but then, the child would suffer. Yes, I've put myself in this position and I would have to expect that I inflict pain on others by my selfish behaviour. But what to do? Should he be a part of the baby's life? Should I not allow the child to know the father? How does one manage to prioritize rationality over emotions when the trend has been/and is the opposite? I'm not sure how to deal with this situation and I hope someone can give me some valuable points. Thanks for reading my post.
Lizzie60 Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 I'm telling you.. those stupid religions.. If I were you, I would discuss this with him.. and go from there... I don't think that advices from pure strangers will help you if you don't talk to him first... unless you want him out of your life and your baby's life.. then leave and move on..
NoIDidn't Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 I won't call my religion stupid, like Lizzie did, but I hate when religious beliefs have people condemning themselves for things that are MORE THAN FORGIVABLE! My Bible says that there is ONE SIN that is unforgivable, and having a baby out of wedlock isn't it!!! Anyway, enough of the religious rant. IZZIE, please get to the doctor. This child may be the biggest blessing you've ever had. I don't particularly like it when mistresses get pregnant, but your situation IS very different considering the cultural differences vs the average American affair. Get a check up. Find out if you are pregnant. Get to a counsellor to get yourself extricated from this predicament. Keep the baby if that is what you want. At 37, with no kids, this child will be very wanted and very loved. Every child needs that, affair or not. Good luck.
quankanne Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 *hugs* this is no easy situation to respond to, but there is a lot of good that you've discovered so far: "I am financially secure, have a prestigious job, my own place, a car, a BA and an MA and live in a country where parents get leave for more than one year and where day care is cheap." Many women don't have these options, and I'm glad you're one of the fortunate ones. at this point, the focus is no longer your relationship with this married man, but the relationship you've got with your son/daughter (or both! Heee ... just being silly). that means from here on out, you need to look after your baby's best interest because no one else can do that for you. Your mate has a role, but I imagine it's limited because of his situation as a married man, so frankly, I wouldn't depend much on him. Not because he's a bad person, but because his priorities are to his marriage and family, even though he wants to be with you. do you have a support system in place? A friend or relative who can make this journey with you? You say you've got a generous maternity leave and inexpensive day care – find out specifically what you have available to you and what you need to do to get it lined up for when your little one arrives. Is the baby's dad physically, emotionally, financially able to help through the pregnancy and after the birth? You also need to get that straightened out so you know to what extent he's planning to be in y'alls lives. Also, because the culture is different than what I'm familiar with here, what is your child's role in his family? Will you be expected to bring your little one forth so that he can be a recognized member of the family, or will he be a secret? Either way, you need to emotionally and psychologically prepare for this ... I am nearly 37 years old and I have no children. I cannot bare aborting a child. Partly because I want a child, but also because I'm already in the bad books with God. Had an awful dream about Satan last night and had to read the Bible and just hope that God has not for always turned his back on me. I know I have turned my back. izzie, the absolutely best thing about God is that he is always ready, with his arms wide open, to welcome you back into the fold no matter what silly, stupid, hurtful or dumb thing we done – and now that you're fixing to be a mama, I think you'll understand more deeply because you'll be practicing that same kind of love and forgiveness with your little one. you'll do just fine, don't let anyone tell you otherwise, okay? q
norajane Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Be very, very careful. Once you confirm with a doctor that you are pregnant, please consult a lawyer before telling this guy you're having his baby. If their culture is as strict as you say, it's entirely possible that he may make things very difficult for you to ever free yourself of him and his family. Decide first whether you want him and his family in your child's life - along with all the religious restrictions he and his family will want to raise this child with. Fathers have parental rights, and you may not like how he raises the child and with what beliefs and strictures, when he has the child in his home for visitations.
Author IZZIE Posted February 21, 2009 Author Posted February 21, 2009 Thanks for your replies, it made me feel a little better to read your comments. I'm fairly convinced I am pregnant, but I will have a check up next week. I also think it might be a good idea for me to meet with a counsellor. I don't know how he will react emotionally when he finds out, but I do know that if it becomes official that I am carrying his child, he'd prefer it to be a secret. Why? Well, it's just as bad as him asking for a divorce for all the wrong reasons (in their culture). He will be the bad guy. Sure, many may think he should face up to it all regardless of the consequences, and sometimes I do to. But then I know that I will have a man who will always have to live with his family's disdain. He will not be allowed to marry me in an orthodox church and he will become a deeply unhappy man without his family's approval. That in turn will make our relationship sour and eventually he may become resentful towards me and the child. Family is incredibly important in their culture - everything revoles around it. I am not sure how to deal with this, just yet. If he will be a part of this child's life, I will worry less if it is a boy. If it is a girl, I'll be worried. A girl is not to have sex with a man before marriage. No kisses, no nothing. Not even hanging out with boys. Given that he is traditional, I will face problems if she grows up with a western way of thinking. Considering we live in Europe and if we would live without a close relationship with his side of the family, she will be influenced by our values of freedom and equality between men and women. I do, of course, agree with our values, but I also understand the future conflict between the MM and me. I'll keep you posted on my status.
jj33 Posted February 21, 2009 Posted February 21, 2009 Maybe you dont tell him at all. Maybe you just cut it off and go your own way if you can bear that thought. What I dont understand is you say our culture. If your culture is so strict, then how can you as a member of that community have a baby out of wedlock without risking losing your family and community? And what will that be like for your child?
Lucky_One Posted February 21, 2009 Posted February 21, 2009 I wouldn't want my son to be influenced by such values, either; why raise another man who acts or believes like your MM? I would personally cut him out of my life. You already know that your relationship with him is basically doomed to failure and unhappiness because of his cultural and familial beliefs. I wouldn't tell him about the pregnancy, would end the affair, and would have MY baby without his name, without his input, without his crazy ideals.
bentnotbroken Posted February 21, 2009 Posted February 21, 2009 God forgives for all our sins. Repentance is necessary but his love is always there.
signedin2008 Posted February 21, 2009 Posted February 21, 2009 I am not sure how to deal with this, just yet. If he will be a part of this child's life, I will worry less if it is a boy. If it is a girl, I'll be worried. A girl is not to have sex with a man before marriage. No kisses, no nothing. Not even hanging out with boys. Given that he is traditional, I will face problems if she grows up with a western way of thinking. Considering we live in Europe and if we would live without a close relationship with his side of the family, she will be influenced by our values of freedom and equality between men and women. I do, of course, agree with our values, but I also understand the future conflict between the MM and me. I'll keep you posted on my status. You have a long long road ahead of you. Whatever problem you can think of right now, it will be 10 time more and harder to handle. Why didn't you use protection? Birth control? Does he have other children? Have you ever face his wife? What is that like? Are you okay with being the title "mistresss" on the side with a child born out of wedlock? You said you're finanicially secure, why not move and cut all contact? Hard? yes, but wouldn't it be easier for the long run? How would your child feel growing up knowing that he/she is a dirty little secret for his father's side of the family, knowing that his half siblings are fully accepted, but not him/her and you? In summary, I think you should move and never be in contact with him or people related to him again, ever. That is the right thing to do, for you, once for the first time in this situation.
pelicanpreacher Posted February 21, 2009 Posted February 21, 2009 You MM is the ultimate in sleazy cowardice and a lying theiving jackal. On the one hand, he knew of every possible consequence and fallout of getting divorced in favor of ending his marriage for an OW but, instead of divorcing at the onset of his recognition that his marriage failed due to incompatability which was deemed acceptable, he chose the path that would ensure you'd understand why he could never ever get divorced. He hides behind the tenants of his religion, family's opinions, and cultural practices when it is convenient because if these issues really mattered in his life and perspective then your situation could never exist, right?!! Rid yourself of the love you feel for this animal posing as a man and brutally expose him to all that he knows so that he is forced to face the ramifications of having his life spun into a cold dark orbit for living the life of a jackal! As far as your life and the life of your unborn child goes, take heart in the fact that if Mary Magdeline could be forgiven then so can you but you must learn from the errors of your ways and go forth to sin no more!
sb129 Posted February 21, 2009 Posted February 21, 2009 Just wanted to say good luck with your pregnancy- I too am pregnant and in a loving marriage and couldn't begin to imagine what heartache you are going through. I would definitely keep the child, but as some of the others say, get legal advice and see where your options are as your MM may make life very difficult for you. Good luck.
carhill Posted February 21, 2009 Posted February 21, 2009 OP, assuming you do not live with your mother, does he know where she lives or how to contact her or anyone else in your family? If not, become a black hole (IOW, change locations without announcement) until the baby is born (if pregnant). During that time, detox your brain of the attraction chemicals for this man and approach your situation in a calm and reasonable manner. You're in charge of you. If your baby is a boy, I assume you know what that means in his culture. IMO, be very careful. I pass no judgement on your affair but rather suggest means to achieve personal health and safety. Best wishes and welcome to LS!
Lucky_One Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 If Mary Magdeline could be forgiven then so can you ! T/J OMG that was funny. Obviously, Pelican IS no preacher! The Second Vatican Council stated in 1969 that Mary Magdalene was nothing more than a woman suffering from mental illness whom Christ cured. Let me guess, Pelican - you still believe that she was a prostitue??
pelicanpreacher Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 T/J OMG that was funny. Obviously, Pelican IS no preacher! The Second Vatican Council stated in 1969 that Mary Magdalene was nothing more than a woman suffering from mental illness whom Christ cured. Let me guess, Pelican - you still believe that she was a prostitue?? Sorry, I follow the written word and all its allegories as is and not some revisionist interpretation of a Catholic religion so corrupt with power, greed, and vice that they believe that they alone hold province over the word of GOD! Sorry for the T/J but that comment begged for a response!
NoIDidn't Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 T/J OMG that was funny. Obviously, Pelican IS no preacher! The Second Vatican Council stated in 1969 that Mary Magdalene was nothing more than a woman suffering from mental illness whom Christ cured. Let me guess, Pelican - you still believe that she was a prostitue?? So that means that mentally ill people don't need to be forgiven for any sins they commit while ill, just cured and all is well? Funny. Sorry, I follow the written word and all its allegories as is and not some revisionist interpretation of a Catholic religion so corrupt with power, greed, and vice that they believe that they alone hold province over the word of GOD! Sorry for the T/J but that comment begged for a response! Cutting out the pontificating part where you call them greedy (lol), I agree. Hear, hear!
White Flower Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 I won't call my religion stupid, like Lizzie did, but I hate when religious beliefs have people condemning themselves for things that are MORE THAN FORGIVABLE! My Bible says that there is ONE SIN that is unforgivable, and having a baby out of wedlock isn't it!!! Anyway, enough of the religious rant. IZZIE, please get to the doctor. This child may be the biggest blessing you've ever had. I don't particularly like it when mistresses get pregnant, but your situation IS very different considering the cultural differences vs the average American affair. Get a check up. Find out if you are pregnant. Get to a counsellor to get yourself extricated from this predicament. Keep the baby if that is what you want. At 37, with no kids, this child will be very wanted and very loved. Every child needs that, affair or not. Good luck. Nice post NID. I agree wholeheartedly. IZZIE, as someone who has dealt with cultural differences as you are currently, I would seriously heed any and all advice given thus far. While some can overcome strong cultural morés for a woman they love, others cannot and will not. It really depends on 'how Syrian' he is. You may think about asking him questions in a round-about way to see 'what he would do if...' without telling him your actual condition. He may not really know hypothetically, but he'll give a pretty good indication. And don't beat yourself up over this. At 37 and childless, this could be the biggest blessing you'll ever know! Hugs, and welcome to LS.
Author IZZIE Posted March 1, 2009 Author Posted March 1, 2009 Well, it so happened that I turned out NOT pregnant and I am actually quite relieved. I'd love to have a baby, but since I am not happy with having put myself in this situation to begin with, having a child out of wedlock is not what I want. Perhaps now I can start to chemichally detox, as someone put it. That's really what it is, some mad addiction to this man whom I've come to love. Someone also wrote that he uses his cultural and religious traditions to justify his behaviour, and I do see that as a valid point. I know he loves me, but I also know he chooses to save face, and of course, the strength of his love towards me can therefore be questioned. We have a strong attraction between us, but our relationship during these two and a half years have not been without conflict. I am emotionally weak for his appeals, but I have on numerous times asked him to leave me and let me move on. It seems odd, perhaps, to ask someone you love to leave. Ultimately, I am the one who have to act consistently with what I ask for. It does make it harder though, when he does everything in his power to prevent that from happening. I do feel caught and somewhat confused. At times I wonder what goes on in his head. Whenever I need him, he is here. We talk several times every day and we see each other several times a week and I meet his brothers, cousins and uncles every so often. He has always been attentive and he reads me like a book, which means he almost always knows my state of mind and therefore meets my emotional needs (yes, to a certain extent). In that sense he is very passionate and caring, but he is also very demanding. He expects certain behaviour of me. I am to be 100% his. I am not to meet any other man (which of course, I'm not interested in), but he also does not want me to sit with male friends at, let's say, a café. I'm not talking about sitting alone with other male friends - if my female friends are drinking coffee and they have male friends drinking coffee with them, he becomes very angry if I'm hanging out with the bunch. In such scenarios, he expects me to tell him beforehand that there may be other men around. If I did not know beforehand, he would expect me to leave and go home after being cordial for a moment. You see, if his friends would see me sitting in mixed company (without him, my brothers or any male relative), that would allow them to think I am a 'bad' woman. No, they do not see me as a bad woman for being with a MM since I have not acted 'wrongly' in any social situation during our time together. He is controlling and also very jealous - he expects total loyality of me. It hasn't really bothered me that he is possessive, what bothers me is that the word 'loyal' is so broad. I do not want to act wrongly towards him, but I think I might have done so (in his eyes), for the first time. He is at the moment extremly angry with me and says he wants to forget me. I love him and I don't want to have a bad ending, while at the same time, I am extremly tired of living this secret life that I may use his anger towards me and see it as a way out. Why is he angry? Ultimately he is angry because I don't want to borrow 21 thousand dollars from the bank and lend it to him. Apparently, I am disloyal and must not love him very much since I resist helping him financially (that's a whole other story and I have valid reasons to object). Anyhow, I'm ranting today - and ranting negatively about the MM. He is wonderful towards me on so many occassions, but when I do something he considers 'wrong' he flares up and becomes irrational. If he was my husband that would be a different story, but as it is I am not his wife. I have given him my all (and to be fair, received loads from him). But, at the end of the day, I have no children, I have a secret life, I do not attend church as much because of my sins, I lie to some of my friends and to my family. This is all my doing, I know. I have chosen to live like this, but I am so tired of living in this enclosed box. I just hope that he would allow me to leave in order for me to detach and heal myself. If not, I may just have to move for a while.
65tr6 Posted March 1, 2009 Posted March 1, 2009 Well, it so happened that I turned out NOT pregnant and I am actually quite relieved. . IZZIE, I am going to be blunt here. Read your OP (the later part that talks about how you want him in your life and the baby) and this one that is filled with hatred toward him. First of all, I am glad to read that you are relieved you are not pregnant You just dodged a bullet. Now do the right thing... End the affair. Expose him, if you can. I doubt you can do that though. Use this event to change your life. Stop screwing around with MM.
jj33 Posted March 1, 2009 Posted March 1, 2009 Izzie look at what you just wrote. This man is VERY VERY traditional. And he expects you to sacrifice your life to be his mistress. You are held to the standard of a very traditional wife yet you do not have the benefits of being his wife. You just had a massive scare. This is indeed the time to detox. use this as a lesson to get away from the relationship, as hard as it may be. If he gets to a point where he cant live without you being in his life, he will have a decision to make. But you dont have to give up your life just to be his mistress, unless of course that is the future you want for yourself, growing old, alone waiting for a phone call or a visit from him.
Island Girl Posted March 1, 2009 Posted March 1, 2009 He is controlling and also very jealous - he expects total loyality of me. It hasn't really bothered me that he is possessive, what bothers me is that the word 'loyal' is so broad. I do not want to act wrongly towards him, but I think I might have done so (in his eyes), for the first time. I can not for the life of me understand why you haven't told him that he is completely disloyal to YOU since he does in fact sleep in a bed with his wife and go home to HER every night. I can't imagine why you haven't laughed in his face when he demands that you leave a table of mixed company lest you be perceived a "bad" woman! So what if his friends or family see you behaving as a European does?!! They have a different culture - and you do not expect them to change how they live - but they must respect your culture as well. Believe me - I know from whence I speak! He is at the moment extremly angry with me and says he wants to forget me. I love him and I don't want to have a bad ending, while at the same time, I am extremly tired of living this secret life that I may use his anger towards me and see it as a way out. Why is he angry? Ultimately he is angry because I don't want to borrow 21 thousand dollars from the bank and lend it to him. Apparently, I am disloyal and must not love him very much since I resist helping him financially (that's a whole other story and I have valid reasons to object). Of course you have very good reasons not to take out a 21,000.00 loan for him! The first of which is HE IS SOMEONE ELSE"S HUSBAND. This guy has a lot of nerve and to some extent you have created this monster. You should have never started cow towing to his demands (he has no right to demand ANYTHING). This can have no happy ending to be sure. You must end it and move on to someone whom you can at the VERY least be seen in public with!
signedin2008 Posted March 1, 2009 Posted March 1, 2009 Why is he angry? Ultimately he is angry because I don't want to borrow 21 thousand dollars from the bank and lend it to him. Apparently, I am disloyal and must not love him very much since I resist helping him financially (that's a whole other story and I have valid reasons to object). All these time, I was thinking maybe he is rich and charming, and that's why you put up with all these abuse. You can't even go out for coffee with a bunch of people when there is a MALE in that group among many other females? That's controlling and will easily lead to abusive. He want YOU, the mistress, to borrow him 21 thousand dollars and HE is ANGRY because you, the mistress doesn't agree to do so? wow. How low can you self-esteem be for you to still speak to him and sleep with him? Seriously!
Author IZZIE Posted March 1, 2009 Author Posted March 1, 2009 As an answer to one of the posts - he is not rich, but indeed very charming. And, I agree, me accepting his control indicates that I am at a low point in my life, which I am not proud of. That does not just include my acceptance of control though, it's the the fact that I've gone along with the whole package for this long. I never claimed I was at the top of my game, on the contrary, in my first post I mentioned that many women who chooses to live like this, lack some sort of stability within themselves. Of course, anticipating harsh comments, I wrote about what was most pressing at that time. But yes, I am at my lowest in every aspect of my emotional and spiritual life. The fact that he asked me for money, is ok. What is not ok, is the fact that he couldn't handle me saying no for the first time. Keep in mind, this happened last night (thus my anger) and just about an hour ago he left my keys in my mailbox without saying hello. Sometimes people do idiotic things based on irrational emotions and I am one of those women. However, I do not want to be one of those women any more, I want to find a way to move on for many reasons. That's one of the reasons I started writing in this forum - I guess it's my way of opening the door by listening to unbiased views. I know some will kick while I'm down, but I find that supportive comments help a lot more than the opposite. I don't want to retort to defensive reactions and thoughts as it's counter-effective to my one goal - to become whole again.
Mino Posted March 1, 2009 Posted March 1, 2009 Well, it so happened that I turned out NOT pregnant and I am actually quite relieved. I'd love to have a baby, but since I am not happy with having put myself in this situation to begin with, having a child out of wedlock is not what I want. Perhaps now I can start to chemichally detox, as someone put it. That's really what it is, some mad addiction to this man whom I've come to love. Someone also wrote that he uses his cultural and religious traditions to justify his behaviour, and I do see that as a valid point. I know he loves me, but I also know he chooses to save face, and of course, the strength of his love towards me can therefore be questioned. We have a strong attraction between us, but our relationship during these two and a half years have not been without conflict. I am emotionally weak for his appeals, but I have on numerous times asked him to leave me and let me move on. It seems odd, perhaps, to ask someone you love to leave. Ultimately, I am the one who have to act consistently with what I ask for. It does make it harder though, when he does everything in his power to prevent that from happening. I do feel caught and somewhat confused. At times I wonder what goes on in his head. Whenever I need him, he is here. We talk several times every day and we see each other several times a week and I meet his brothers, cousins and uncles every so often. He has always been attentive and he reads me like a book, which means he almost always knows my state of mind and therefore meets my emotional needs (yes, to a certain extent). In that sense he is very passionate and caring, but he is also very demanding. He expects certain behaviour of me. I am to be 100% his. I am not to meet any other man (which of course, I'm not interested in), but he also does not want me to sit with male friends at, let's say, a café. I'm not talking about sitting alone with other male friends - if my female friends are drinking coffee and they have male friends drinking coffee with them, he becomes very angry if I'm hanging out with the bunch. In such scenarios, he expects me to tell him beforehand that there may be other men around. If I did not know beforehand, he would expect me to leave and go home after being cordial for a moment. You see, if his friends would see me sitting in mixed company (without him, my brothers or any male relative), that would allow them to think I am a 'bad' woman. No, they do not see me as a bad woman for being with a MM since I have not acted 'wrongly' in any social situation during our time together. He is controlling and also very jealous - he expects total loyality of me. It hasn't really bothered me that he is possessive, what bothers me is that the word 'loyal' is so broad. I do not want to act wrongly towards him, but I think I might have done so (in his eyes), for the first time. He is at the moment extremly angry with me and says he wants to forget me. I love him and I don't want to have a bad ending, while at the same time, I am extremly tired of living this secret life that I may use his anger towards me and see it as a way out. Why is he angry? Ultimately he is angry because I don't want to borrow 21 thousand dollars from the bank and lend it to him. Apparently, I am disloyal and must not love him very much since I resist helping him financially (that's a whole other story and I have valid reasons to object). Anyhow, I'm ranting today - and ranting negatively about the MM. He is wonderful towards me on so many occassions, but when I do something he considers 'wrong' he flares up and becomes irrational. If he was my husband that would be a different story, but as it is I am not his wife. I have given him my all (and to be fair, received loads from him). But, at the end of the day, I have no children, I have a secret life, I do not attend church as much because of my sins, I lie to some of my friends and to my family. This is all my doing, I know. I have chosen to live like this, but I am so tired of living in this enclosed box. I just hope that he would allow me to leave in order for me to detach and heal myself. If not, I may just have to move for a while. did I read this right, he is angry because you will not borrow 21 thousand dollars for him? Hello, YOU GOT A CON ARTIST ON YOUR HANDS< A man should NEVER ask you FOr MONEY... RUN!!!!! This evil con artist is about ripping you off, has nothing to do with a realtionship, or Loyalty, He is a scam!!! He is obviously manipulating you, do you not see this the the minute he asked for CASH?????
blondesmiler Posted March 1, 2009 Posted March 1, 2009 did I read this right, he is angry because you will not borrow 21 thousand dollars for him? Hello, YOU GOT A CON ARTIST ON YOUR HANDS< A man should NEVER ask you FOr MONEY... RUN!!!!! This evil con artist is about ripping you off, has nothing to do with a realtionship, or Loyalty, He is a scam!!! He is obviously manipulating you, do you not see this the the minute he asked for CASH????? Agreed........
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