carhill Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 OP, I know you'll listen to the women here, but I'm going to vote no-go on this. That's some of the best, most sincere bravo sierra I've heard and I've heard plenty (from my male friends). Dollars to donuts this guy is real attractive Link to post Share on other sites
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted February 23, 2009 Author Share Posted February 23, 2009 OP, I know you'll listen to the women here, but I'm going to vote no-go on this. That's some of the best, most sincere bravo sierra I've heard and I've heard plenty (from my male friends). Dollars to donuts this guy is real attractive haha thats funny...well yes he is very very adorable....I honestly love the way he looks....but his looks are more boyish and sweet, than hot and sexy you know? I think he has a problem with that cuz everytime I say "you're cute" he says "thats all? not sexy?" i mean, he is, but for other reasons, not because he is particularly calvin klein model. Im not sure he was trying to use that as the sole excuse for the whole sex deal. i have a feeling that its deeper than that...but thats what he said anyway... In any case, we're doing really well now. Im feeling a lot more positive and calm after we talked on satruday. I think the fact that i got to speak my part made it better. Did anything change? not really, the possibility of our relationship ending is still there (as it is in any relationship i guess), but at least he knows what my fears are and he's doing a great job at calming them down Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 I'll tell you. I had a serious conversation with my wife today and divorce mediators and lawyers were mentioned in it. She provided a lot of the same "stuff" that you're hearing from this guy. I simply (well, nothing with me is ever simple ) said that I'm not seeing her action matching her words and that I'm watching and continuing to give her the validation she's asking for. This is closest I've come to acting in totality, scorched earth policy. Looking back, the same issues which are causing those thoughts were there when we began many years ago, but I either was too immature or "snowed" to see them. I'm here to tell you, when you have doubts, there's a reason for them, so get to the bottom of them. It's far better to do it in the beginning, trust me FWIW, I am and have always been wide open about my feelings and insecurities and I've never said the words you heard. Not have sex because I'm not feeling physically fit and desirable? Crap, if I thought that, I'd still be a virgin Pregnancy? Hello, Mr. Condom. Hello, mrs birth control. Hello, mrs IUD. Whatever. My god. Tell me, is this guy available? Does he pick up and/or return calls within an hour? Can you stop by his home at any time when he's there? Does he invite you to? You'll hear from the women (and likely some of the men) that I'm personalizing here and they'd be exactly right. That's where my advice comes from. I've been subject many times in my life to smooth-talking women who've used me for an emotional tampon and it's taught me a few things. I'm happy you feel better and implore you to accept my controversial opinion as just that, an opinion of a stranger. Know that I'll be happy to be wrong. I want people to be happy. Heck, I want to be happy. We all deserve that Link to post Share on other sites
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted February 24, 2009 Author Share Posted February 24, 2009 FWIW, I am and have always been wide open about my feelings and insecurities and I've never said the words you heard. Not have sex because I'm not feeling physically fit and desirable? Crap, if I thought that, I'd still be a virgin Pregnancy? Hello, Mr. Condom. Hello, mrs birth control. Hello, mrs IUD. Whatever. My god. Hm thats true but i guess we all have some sort of random issues that may look totally ridiculous to others. Im thinking this is his...and the thing is, its not sexual things per se, its literal intercourse. everything else, he's cool with. Maybe it isnt the fitness issue, it might be something else which he might be even more embarrased for. Regarding birth control, we always use condoms, but I cant take pills or take anything with hormones so thats out of the question. Bassically we are relying on condoms &FAM method which we will be discussing more openly since before it was just me knowing when i could or couldnt get pregnant. He asked me to get him more involved in it so i will. Tell me, is this guy available? Does he pick up and/or return calls within an hour? Can you stop by his home at any time when he's there? Does he invite you to? See thats the thing! his actions prior (and even after) to this conversation contradict his "detached" thing. He is so loving, caring and super attentive! He's always calling me, wanting to see me etc. I would feel 100% comfortable and welcome to come to his house without prior arrangements. He literally "chased" me for 3 months before i said yes to date him. Bassically, he is pretty awesome so this whole "i dont want to get attached" sorta sideswiped me. I guess thats the reason I see what Ddraper means...it makes a whole lot more sense from what i know him to be... Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 Has anything else changed besides the attachment thing? Seems kinda odd that he'd be so sure of his attraction in the beginning and now, absent obvious negative signs from you, he's backing off. How much do you know about his last relationship? How much responsibility does he take for its success and/or failure? Last question is likely toughest...are you sure you want to put time and energy into something that you're having to think about so much right now and which could turn out to be a LDR in a short period of time? Only you can balance that equation. I've known the feeling of loving someone beyond myself and knowing I had to let them go, and feeling that pain. Sometimes, whether it be due to timing and/or incompatibility, things just don't work out. Hope you can find your solution Link to post Share on other sites
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