almostthere Posted October 3, 2003 Posted October 3, 2003 Ok this is buggin me.... I got out of an 8 year relationship/marriage 14 months ago (in Aug). I started dating right away. I had been with my ex since I was 15 and never experienced life as a single adult and I wasnt going to wait any longer. With the exception of one guy....all my dates were great. I ended up staying there until 6 - 7 am the next day...and not sleeping....just talking. I dont really believe in the whole slut thing. Sex is a normal part of human nature and we all want it. So first dates could involve it if the chemistry is there...and there is a definate chance of a seeing them situation. I only had one one night stand. And thats the only one I regret. That made me feel down on myself. Having said that....I have a huge concern. Since I moved out I have been on a lot of dates. I have never just seen one guy at a time. Usually it was a definate 2 (with sometimes 3 or 4) Basically I am just as bad as some guys. Well 3 months ago I met this great guy. So I cut it off with everyone I was seeing (only 2 people at that time) to be with just this guy. I am falling for him big time. We arent seeing other people we actually have a relationship. I havent talked to this guy I used to havefeeling for since I met him. But he just started calling me again this week. So....I went to his house last night. We just talked no touching or kissing or anything. We had a lot to catch up on. I knew I missed him all this time but I didnt know how much until last night. My bf is leaving for MO tonight and wont be back until Sunday night so I probably wont see him until Monday. I have never doubted myself as far as staying faithful to him before now. I am falling for him.....but I have already fallen for this other guy many months ago. I have been seeing him off and on for over a year. Do you think some people just cant be happy with seeing only one person? I mean Im happy but I dont want to lose this guy....either of them....I dont know...this all sounds shallow and selfish to you guys Im sure. But this is a huge problem of mine. I do this all the time. I stay with only one person for a few weeks then I add in a second and sometimes third....I dont know. My bf asked me if we could see other people then changed his mind saying that he was wrong for asking and doesnt want to do that. BUT now I am thinking about seeing if he does want to do that. I am very confused. I let the other guy go and got over him....I didnt plan on him coming back to me. So things were great until he called. Now we are hanging out on Saturday too. Im in a mess and I dont know what I want anymore. I dont know what questions to ask you guys I guess Im just thinking out loud or whatever to get a response. I feel the same amount of caring for both of them. But they are so different u cant even compare them. I dont know maybe I am just gonna mess up everything good for me because I am so confused all the time. I am totally afraid to fall in love but yet I am so afraid to be alone. I never cared before about seeing more then one. No one ever knew no one ever got hurt. but I cant get myself to not feel guilty about wanting to be with both of them. I dont know....hopefully, you guys can knock some sense in me or offer up some suggestions.
TremblingBluStar Posted October 3, 2003 Posted October 3, 2003 Suggestion 1: if you aren't ready for a serious, totally committed relationship, then don't get into one! If you want the benefits of a committed relationship, but still want to experience other guys your only option is to mess around behind your bf's back. That, of course, is totally up to you. However, I wouldn't recommend you do such a thing. I think our society is becoming increasingly conservative when it comes to dating, which concerns me. People are no longer open to dating a person they don't already know fairly well, and most people are against dating more than one person at the same time. I personally have no problem with multiple dating partners, as long as you aren't giving one the impression that you're exclusive, and you aren't sleeping with more than one person - that's how diseases and other nasty things spread around. Is it possible that you're afraid of being committed to one person? I'd definetly take your bf's advice, since he was kind enough to suggest it and start seeing other people.
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