zhsoj Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 I kind of understand where you're coming from. I'm in a contract job that will be over in a few months, and then I'll be forced to not only find a new job but also find a new town to live in as there really aren't any jobs for what I do here. I dated a girl for a few months a few months ago and learned I'm really not well suited to casual dating so I've figured that I'm just not going to pursue anything until I relocate and get settled again. In the meantime I'm a bit lonely and it's quite frustrating knowing that I'm going to stay this way for quite some time, even if it is by choice... Self-imposed prison I guess. I don't know what to tell you, but I will say that when I was an undergrad no one really looked down on older students.
Author Lights Posted June 6, 2009 Author Posted June 6, 2009 Yeah, I wouldn't mind trying for something short-term. To me it's not so much "older student" but "almost-30-year-old living with his parents" that I fear being viewed as a loser for.
lonelygurl Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 Obviously, I don't plan on making battling through social scenes a priority, given the way other things in life have been going for me. I am mainly wondering whether it is worth bothering with if someone happens to pass by. Would it be a smart tactic, or a foolish one? I think it would depend on what it is in your life you feel is not in order. For myself my X left me because he said he couldn't handle my "disorders" and I am working on many issues with depression and anxiety. Therefore, I am not trying to or will try to date anyone. I need to spend time on myself to get my head sorted out without dating. Because if I date then I don't work on fixing myself. If is other things like job, moving, saving or paying down debt ect, then I don't see why you should pass up the opportunity if someone comes along.
BlueHarvest Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 I understand the thinking here, but from my perspective, the best time to look for a relationship is when you're basically content with your life. (Although, as I said earlier, having things in your life that you want to change shouldn't be an impediment to dating.) You want to be somebody who doesn't NEED another person in their life in order to be happy, but who wants somebody anyway. And you want the other person to be the same way. If you're both in that place, then you'll manage to avoid, considerably, that whole relying-on-the-other-person-for-happiness thing. The Bolded part for emphasis. This is the truest saying, yet I myself am victim to it. I feel like I NEED someone in order to be happy. I'm happy with my life for the most part. Of course there are things I wish to change about it, but I WANT another person who enjoys the same things I do. And every day that goes by without meeting that person feels like it's another step towards being lonely and 6 feet under. I honestly don't know how to get myself out of this rut of thinking I NEED to be in a relationship. (Also it stems from me having a very black and white view on people I consider female friends and people who are potential girlfriends but that's a topic for another time possibly).
PaperCuts Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 This is an interesting question. I've got depression, and am unsure whether anyone would want anyone else with depression, and whether it could halt/damage a relationship. Girls generally go for guys who are happy and cheerful and all that. I've had it for years though, probably approaching 4 or 5 now (I should probably seek help but I don't have the guts!). In terms of the few friends I have, they don't notice it at all. In fact they would be very surprised to hear that I have it as I don't express myself much. But yeh I get very low on a near weekly basis, it's like everything is wrong with me. On a lighter note I'm starting my first job next Tuesday! Which means more responsibilities and more money, which I think is a good thing...
SummerLady Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Obviously, I don't plan on making battling through social scenes a priority, given the way other things in life have been going for me. I am mainly wondering whether it is worth bothering with if someone happens to pass by. Would it be a smart tactic, or a foolish one? The logical answer is no BUT there is no harm in trying. You never know when you are going to meet the right person. I would give it a try but not beat yourself up and have inflated expectations. Go with the flow. Have fun with it as much as possible. Light and happy.
Author Lights Posted June 8, 2009 Author Posted June 8, 2009 The logical answer is no BUT there is no harm in trying. You never know when you are going to meet the right person. I would give it a try but not beat yourself up and have inflated expectations. Go with the flow. Have fun with it as much as possible. Light and happy. I wish social anything was light and happy and that it actually flowed...
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