Lights Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Obviously, I don't plan on making battling through social scenes a priority, given the way other things in life have been going for me. I am mainly wondering whether it is worth bothering with if someone happens to pass by. Would it be a smart tactic, or a foolish one?
SpanksTheMonkey Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 I'm wondering the same thing at the moment let me know if you find out I have a few male friends/acquaintances didn't seek them out mind you. Who I'm afraid could become more if I allowed/encouraged it so not sure if I should avoid the hole situation all together. Cause my life is certainly not in order yet confusing I know...
Storyrider Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Yes, you should always be open to meeting the right woman. You never know when an opportunity will present itself, and it isn't always going to be when you're expecting it.
Jenny123 Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 I'm in a similar pickle, awaiting on starting new job,there has been many delays. I have no money, no job- not exactly top of my game but will be! When life isn't flowing great, your not as bubbly, happy etc.. But i'm prepared to give a special date a shot-experience if anything else!
CommitmentPhobe Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Oddly enough I think more women were interested in me when my life wasn't together at all. Make of that what you will.
fral945 Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Oddly enough I think more women were interested in me when my life wasn't together at all. Make of that what you will. I found this to be the case as well. I left my career temporarily at one time to pursue something different, making less money and basically was less stable in every way. The women were flocking to me. Now that I'm back in my stable career, the attention has once again subsided. Anyway, OP, I say why not? If people waited until they were organized to form relationships, few relationships would ever develop. A lot of people meet their spouses/SO in college, where there lives aren't even close to being organized. Most people go through cycles of life where they are more organized at times than others. I think most women just like to see that you are on a path somewhere and have goals.
movingonandon Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 My ex dumped me precisely in the moment my life got in order (for someone in the exact insecure situaion i was 5-6 years ago), but, i wouldn't generalize based on her, since I've always suspected she has some sort of addiction to drama. All else equal, women will prefer your life to be in order. But, there are so many other contingencies, such as what's your line of business, what's your age, what type of people you generaly hang out with, so it's basically a crapshoot. If you feel like dating - date..
carhill Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 OP, seize the day. When you achieve perfection you die. Enjoy the journey
alphamale Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Is it worth attempting to meet women when one's life isn't yet in order?? no, not really. be a bit selfish and fix your life first
movingonandon Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 It also really depends on your personality type, i.t. to what extent can you let go. I personally have some pronounced controlling tendencies, so relationship-wise I'm neither too motivated nor too pleasant to be around unless everything else in my life, and i mean almost everything, is in order (you should see my closet ). Not to mention that such attitude could spill over on the relationship itself. Listen to Carhil here - let go; and, literally - when everything in your life is perfect, you're as good as dead - this basically would mean that you're "done". I wish I paid more attention to this before my last relationship fell apart .
reservoirdog1 Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Firstly, I wouldn't put dating aside unless you're pretty much a complete mess (i.e. no job, living with parents, not looking after your appearance, substance problems, etc.). As long as you have a job and your own place, you take care of yourself, and have some goals and dreams that you're taking steps toward, then go for it. By waiting till your life is perfect or has reached a certain level that's considerably above where it is now, all you're doing is "postponing happiness". You keep telling yourself "I'll be happy when I've got X job, when I'm making $___ per year, when I own X car, then I'll date." But because life throws you curveballs and human beings are hard-wired to not be content with the status quo -- no matter how great it may look to outsiders -- the targets you set will always shift. And lo and behold, five years will pass without you making any effort to date, and you'll feel like you've wasted all that time. And that'll depress you and you won't want to date. A buddy of mine is in this trap right now. He has a good job (makes a bit more $ than I do), a nice place to live, he's interesting, and a good looking guy. And yet, for some reason he's in a mindset that keeps him from going after girls. Keeps saying he needs to work on himself more first. We're both single guys; on Saturday night I went to a Valentine's Day singles party and suggested he go as well. He declined, stayed home alone, and got stoned. I went to the party where I basically knew nobody (which is not a situation I tend to enjoy), had a blast, and met a pretty cool girl who I'm seeing again tonight. My life's not exactly where I want it to be and there are things I want to change; however, I know what they are and I'm taking concrete steps towards changing them. With women, presenting yourself as a guy with goals and dreams that you're working towards will trump the fact that your life isn't perfect, every time. They'll see you as motivated, ambitious, vital, and interesting. Life's not a dress rehearsal, and it's not a quest for a "finished product". The only "finished product" would be, I guess, a good looking corpse.
carhill Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 The really cool thing is having someone to share the path with you. Think about that, OP. It's all the really inconsequential, sometimes painful, sometimes embarrassing, sometimes humorous stuff which is the really important stuff in life to share. Those are what memories are made of. When you come to die, and you will do that alone, memories (hopefully) are all you have left. Enjoy the ride
Author Lights Posted February 20, 2009 Author Posted February 20, 2009 Firstly, I wouldn't put dating aside unless you're pretty much a complete mess (i.e. no job, living with parents, not looking after your appearance, substance problems, etc.). As long as you have a job and your own place, you take care of yourself, and have some goals and dreams that you're taking steps toward, then go for it. My current situation qualifies as "complete mess" at this time, to use your terminology. (No job for quite a while now, living back with parents; I may have to find some way to move out anyways though--thankfully I do have some money saved up. Been doing what I can to improve the situation and get to school or something, but things haven't been going too well on that front so far.)
Jenny123 Posted February 21, 2009 Posted February 21, 2009 I'm not working, but job happening in a month. I went on a date, felt a bit of a loser as haven't worked for a few months (awaiting this job). I had a blast, seeing him again, we'll see how it pans out. These things are inconsequential to the people that matter. Confidence, self-worth are natural to feel. I felt I couldn't contribute anything-I'm wrong. Good luckx
Author Lights Posted February 22, 2009 Author Posted February 22, 2009 I'm not working, but job happening in a month. I went on a date, felt a bit of a loser as haven't worked for a few months (awaiting this job). I had a blast, seeing him again, we'll see how it pans out. These things are inconsequential to the people that matter. Confidence, self-worth are natural to feel. I felt I couldn't contribute anything-I'm wrong. Good luckx Congratulations and good luck! And thanks. It also really depends on your personality type, i.t. to what extent can you let go. I personally have some pronounced controlling tendencies, so relationship-wise I'm neither too motivated nor too pleasant to be around unless everything else in my life, and i mean almost everything, is in order (you should see my closet ). Not to mention that such attitude could spill over on the relationship itself. Listen to Carhil here - let go; and, literally - when everything in your life is perfect, you're as good as dead - this basically would mean that you're "done". I wish I paid more attention to this before my last relationship fell apart . Well, it wasn't about control of a relationship. More that too much of my life isn't in any remotely positive state (jobless, living with parents, trying to change directions but no confidence in much of anything I try to do in my life, etc.). True, I don't expect perfection.
Storyrider Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 I stand by my comment in your other thread that school is an ideal place to meet women. You are smart, lights, and the classroom is the perfect arena for you to use that to your advantage. Smart is sexy. School also creates an artificial environment where you're thrown together with women all the time. I think this is the bright side to your situation. Your posts have often been about your frustration at the idea of approaching women cold. Sit by girls! Share notes with them. Study with them.
Author Lights Posted February 22, 2009 Author Posted February 22, 2009 I stand by my comment in your other thread that school is an ideal place to meet women. You are smart, lights, and the classroom is the perfect arena for you to use that to your advantage. Smart is sexy. School also creates an artificial environment where you're thrown together with women all the time. I think this is the bright side to your situation. Your posts have often been about your frustration at the idea of approaching women cold. Sit by girls! Share notes with them. Study with them. Thanks, Storyrider. I don't know what the situation will be with school just yet. If I do end up going this year, I can only hope that part will be different this time around.
chris250 Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 I would say that once my life is in perfect or near perfect order that's when it's NOT worth pursuing a relationship with a woman. Why would I need a relationship if I'm happy with my life already? Once my life is fulfilled on my own then I won't want women around anymore. The only reason to share my life with someone is because my life isn't already fulfilled. So if my life ever gets in order before I get serious with another woman then I will stop pursuing dating altogether. It's the only sure way to keep my life in the direction I want it to go. Being single and happy is the best of both worlds. The loneliness doesn't bother you and you are free from being responsible for someone else's happiness. Yes I feel responsible for the girl's happiness once I enter into a relationship.
socialight Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 If you meet a good girl, put your best foot forward, and if she or you are not in that place in life, act graceful, and move on. But realize that even if you "lose", you really win. Because making a positive, confident, happy impression on someone can pay dividends in ways, times and place you cannot possibly fathom or predict.
reservoirdog1 Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 I would say that once my life is in perfect or near perfect order that's when it's NOT worth pursuing a relationship with a woman. Why would I need a relationship if I'm happy with my life already? Once my life is fulfilled on my own then I won't want women around anymore. The only reason to share my life with someone is because my life isn't already fulfilled. So if my life ever gets in order before I get serious with another woman then I will stop pursuing dating altogether. It's the only sure way to keep my life in the direction I want it to go. Being single and happy is the best of both worlds. The loneliness doesn't bother you and you are free from being responsible for someone else's happiness. Yes I feel responsible for the girl's happiness once I enter into a relationship. I understand the thinking here, but from my perspective, the best time to look for a relationship is when you're basically content with your life. (Although, as I said earlier, having things in your life that you want to change shouldn't be an impediment to dating.) You want to be somebody who doesn't NEED another person in their life in order to be happy, but who wants somebody anyway. And you want the other person to be the same way. If you're both in that place, then you'll manage to avoid, considerably, that whole relying-on-the-other-person-for-happiness thing.
Author Lights Posted June 4, 2009 Author Posted June 4, 2009 I've been taking some classes (though I'm not in a school program) in hopes of improving at least some things in my life, but still the rest of my life is broken. I've happened to have met a couple women at the classes (very difficult to do; the moment class is over everyone dashes off and chats on their Blackberries). I've considered trying to ask them out, but attempting things like dating just seems so frivolous and pointless while I'm still commuting from far away and living at my parents' place and stuff's still a train wreck. (What really sucks is that I have no idea what I did right that actually got them to even talk and be friendly at all--I have no idea how to replicate that feat save for depending purely on luck, but that's a matter for another thread I suppose.) I'm afraid that if I tell too much about myself I'll condemn myself to shame that will destroy whatever chances I may actually have. (Basically, I'm afraid that I'll be identified as a "loser" at my age.) Part of me wouldn't mind doing some dating-for-fun or just to get some social practice, but another part of me just thinks it's all pointless...
stepka Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 Well how many of us here have our life exactly where we want it? We're all on a journey.
Soul Bear Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 I think it would be foolish to pass up any opportunity when she/he walks your way. restepka(as Ali-G says)- your very right!!
Author Lights Posted June 5, 2009 Author Posted June 5, 2009 Well how many of us here have our life exactly where we want it? We're all on a journey. I think it would be foolish to pass up any opportunity when she/he walks your way. restepka(as Ali-G says)- your very right!! Thanks, I suppose that's true. What would I best do to avoid broadcasting my loser-ish status?
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