stampdaddy Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 I can't speak for when I'm 60...yet...but I plan on getting there. I can tell you that in my case, it very, very rarely comes to mind anymore. Especially when we're out doing stuff together, or being romantic between us. And when it does come to mind, on those rare occasions...its very easy for me to look at where we're at NOW and realize that this is far more important than worrying about where we were at then. We're about five years post d-day at this point. well, OWL, my friend, not to "minimize" your very painful experience, but your "imagination" isnt filled with "the touches, the kisses, the love making, the shared and/or stolen moments, etc...", which is great for you and your wife.. I know you still have your own personal "triggers" I am sure, but you can't look at another couple in a restaurant kissing, and "picturing" that being YOUR wife with ANOTHER man.. Which again, is good for you. I just wonder how it is for those folks years down the road..
65tr6 Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 I just wonder how it is for those folks years down the road.. probably a dig at folks like me. I dont know the answer because I am not quite there yet. But I would imagine these triggers can only get less intense and frequent with time provided there is a solid recovery plan and both the spouses put in 100% to move forward. The key being a very solid recovery plan. I read posts where BS just of all a sudden pull the plug on recovery and leave. I know they have every right to do what they want, but it is very unlikely in my case. I dont think recovery is everyone....In my opinion you recover with the intention of remaining together for rest of your life. If so, why would it matter how it would be different when you are 10 yrs into recovery or when you hit 60 ? I would think a good recovery can only make a marriage stronger every day.
stampdaddy Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 probably a dig at folks like me. I dont know the answer because I am not quite there yet. But I would imagine these triggers can only get less intense and frequent with time provided there is a solid recovery plan and both the spouses put in 100% to move forward. The key being a very solid recovery plan. I read posts where BS just of all a sudden pull the plug on recovery and leave. I know they have every right to do what they want, but it is very unlikely in my case. I dont think recovery is everyone....In my opinion you recover with the intention of remaining together for rest of your life. If so, why would it matter how it would be different when you are 10 yrs into recovery or when you hit 60 ? I would think a good recovery can only make a marriage stronger every day. no "dig", if I understand the meaning of that word.. Well, it sounds like you have a very good plan and that is well, GOOD. thanks for the input
NoIDidn't Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 What kind of ceremony did you have? I have NEVER witnessed a marriage where the guests took vows having anything to do with "protecting" the union of the two people being married. They are there witnessing the union and showing their support of your marriage and their well wishes for the relationship. But what goes on in the relationship is between you and your husband alone. Just because YOU haven't experienced this, doesn't mean that others haven't. I get really tired of people projecting what they think should be the case over what they are being told actually happened. Some ceremonies are like mine. Not my problem or fault that you haven't witnessed or been a part of one of those kinds of ceremonies. I agree that what happens between the couple is up to them, but the people that are invited to the ceremony are people that the couple feel will support them (even counsel them to weather the storms together). But on *protecting* the marriage, there are many things that friends and family can do to protect a marriage for the couple (with the couple). 1. Not keep secrets for one of the spouses that would prove detrimental to the marriage. 2. Not introduce one of the spouses to another suitable partner 3. Not do anything that undermines or disrespects one of the spouses. His sister is not at fault for his choices, but she should have told him she was going to tell his wife in my opinion. She kept a secret that she should not have. This is a classic case of "The Wife is Always the Last to Know".
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