sweetcarla Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Okay, so here is my story My husband and I have had a pretty solid relationship for the past seven years. Like any other married couple we have our ups and downs but overall I would give us about a B grade. Anyway, about 6 months ago, my husband started coming home a bit later than usual on a consistent basis, so of coarse my cheater radar started signaling. I decided to check his cell phone looking for any unusual numbers or texts, but found NOTHING. So I began calling him a bit more at work very randomly, not so much where I would draw his attention but enough at odd times to verify if he was where he was supposed to be. So at this point, I'm a little confused and I'm starting to feel guilty, because I know something is up, but since I can't prove it I feel like I'm wrong for even thinking of him like that. So I tried to let it go!! But then one random late evening after another, I started noticing a perfume scent that I KNOW WAS NOT MINE!! So one day he calls me from work and tells me that he will be staying a little late AGAIN, so I say okay and we hung up. He then texts me and tells me that he wont be having dinner, he'll just get some take out. So I can go ahead and eat instead of waiting for him and he'll have the left over for lunch tomorrow. Normally, I cook dinner and wait for him to come home so we can eat together so I text him back asking him if he really doesn't want me to cook dinner and on top of that wants me to have dinner alone. He text me back telling me never mind I can cook dinner and wait until he gets home. At this point you know that internally I was out of control because suspicions and doubts about his faith to me were at an all time high! I thought I would take advantage of the situation and just let my doubts out and ask him if he was having an affair with another woman. So I made dinner accordingly assuming that he would be home two hours later than regular. I sat there, waiting for two and a half f***in hours and he is not home yet. I decided to call him at work and of coarse he was there!!! He told me that he is still busy and he will call me back. I ended up going to bed because I got tired of waiting on him for almost five hours. So the next day, he's home at his usual time and I played calm to avoid any arguments, I cannot tell you how tough it was, because the only thing I wanted to do is stab the bastard. Forgive Me God!?! So we’re eating dinner and before I even knew it, the words just came out of my mouth Are you cheating on me? He looked at me like I was absolutely crazy and said NO! He told me he loved me and said he would never do such a thing. So I asked him about the way he smelled everyday he came home and he told me that there was a new nurse in his department that wore a loud perfume and that he had nothing to do with it. I asked him one more time and told him if he was sure of what he was saying and he said he was 100% positive. Now here is the saddest part of the story. Him telling me no actually made me feel better, even though deep inside me I didn't believe him. Can anyone make sense of that??? Anyways, my best friend of course knew about the whole situation and she called me up one day and told me about this website she called "www.gurltalkktv.com" that had released a DVD called "The Cheating Truth" She continued to tell me about the guy who runs gurltalkktv and that he's pretty popular because of the unfiltered advice he offers women about relationships and he could probably help me out. So I asked her do you think he or his video can really help me. And she said, by all the women who support and write to him, I can only imagine yes, plus he's so honest, it’s what we need at times. So at this point, I'M IN and I WANT IT BAD, but there is no way I can order a DVD about cheating with my husbands credit card so of coarse I asked her if she can put it on her credit card and that I would pay her later. So anyways, the DVD arrives at my best friend's address and I go over there and we watch it together. Now what was so funny is that after it ended, we both sat there in silence and when we looked at each other we just started laughing so hard, cause of how quiet it made the both of us. Honestly it was awesome and she said, I told you he was good. Lol Anyway, I ended up bringing it back home with me and hid it in one of my shoe boxes. I decided that I was going to watch it with my husband, but just wanted to wait until the time felt right. About a week later, I called him up at work and asked him if he wouldn't mind if we sat down at home and watched a DVD my friend gave me about relationships and he said it was fine. So I made his favorite dinner and waited on him and as soon as he came home, I pressed play. Now you know I've already seen it so I honestly wasn't even watching it, I was listening and WATCHING HIM. I wanted to watch his reaction as he was listening to what was being said. The whole time I was watching him, he was nodding his head agreeing with what was being said. And what threw me for a loop is that he began nodding at things during the movie that I thought he NEVER WOULD. Just when you think you know everything about a person, you learn that you do not. Anyway after the DVD was over, I wanted to have an honest conversation like the DVD suggested, but he was just sitting there in silence. I nudged him and asked him if he was okay and he said yeah, just thinking. I said, about what? He said he was thinking about everything he heard. Now with the way he was acting, I began to feel if he was gonna tell me something I didn't want to hear and I started feeling nauseous. But I felt like it was now or never so I asked him one more time, if he cheating on me. I was so scared of hearing the truth but I still wanted to know because it was killing me inside. He told me that he always promised to tell me the truth but sometimes I might not be too happy hearing the truth. By then I knew he cheated but I still waited for the answer and I was fighting back my tears, I felt sad, betrayed, angry and so stupid for ever believing that he never would cheat on me. He was quiet for five minutes looking away and I was quiet as I starred at him. Finally, after what felt like an hour, he looked at me and told me that he was actually having an affair with his nurse. He said he wanted to tell me because how much he believed in being honest, but how could he. He said, how do I tell the one person I most love in the world that I failed. Now I was so upset, that I slapped him. I've never hit him before and I started crying. All the suspicious stress came pouring out of me. There was so much that I wanted to say to him, but all I can do was cry. I told him that I thought he was a better man than that and he'll never know how much it hurts me to be so wrong. I asked him what was it about the movie that made him tell me the truth and he said, because the guy was right and I felt like that you could see through me. He undressed my bullsh*t and there I was, another cheating husband. I don't know what it was about those words he said that made me feel so happy. But I think it was that he understood that he had dethroned himself in my eyes. Anyway, to make a long story short, he gave me the usual routine of he'd never do it again, and I eventually said we will try to move on. So far things have been okay, but you know what they say.... once a cheater always a cheater so we shall see. What has changed though is that he has started coming home on time and no longer do I smell the perfume. He seems happier to be home and everything on the surface seems better The best part is that last month he called me from work and told me to get dressed and take a break from cooking because we were going out to eat. We went to a lovely restaurant and he told me how his day went and mentioned that the girl he had an affair with approached him at work after they have not spoke for some time and started flirting but he did not even flirt back and told her that she needs to stop immediately. It was nice to hear, but I am still being cautious. Anyway, I just wanted to share my story, because overall I do feel things have gotten better and I just want to provide some hope to all the other women who have to deal with the stupidity of their men, or I should say choose to. I'm just happy to have found something to allow my husband and I to converse on a REAL level and I have begun to better understand him. I don't know what will work for you and your man, but for us it was that DVD. I probably should write the guy and say thank you, but I really wanted to share my story with other women first. Anyway, hope it helps.
2sunny Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 that's it? what about him quitting his job so he doesn't see her everyday? what about counseling to find out WHY he would do this to you and your marriage? what about his consequences? he says ooopsie - sorry i got caught - let me take you out to dinner and that makes everything just peachy? i don't think so! you had to catch him for him to admit... he never even came to you willingly with the truth. you both have work to do! his word means NOTHING because he's already lied and didn't have a problem lying to you and disregarding you and your commitment. and why is this under the dating section? might want to consider the fact that it should be under infidelity! maybe your denial and blinders are big - but i did read that you were married, right?
taylor Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 I don't mean to burst your bubble, SweetCarla, but your husband will cheat on you again unless you and he DEAL with his infidelity. What you did was sweep it under the carpet and chalk it up to male "stupidity." Stupidity did not make him cheat. He cheated because he wanted to and because he thought he could get away with it. And he did..until you caught him. He knew you knew. That's the only reason he fessed up. The writing was on the wall. What else could he do? And then he tells you the Other Woman continues to flirt with him, but he doesn't take her up on her advances. Aawww, isn't that sweet... WAKE UP, SweetCarla! He told you that story because he wants to calm your suspicions...make you think he's going to be a good little boy now. He's waiting for the storm to blow over...get you back in the kitchen making dinner with a happy little smile on your face...AND THEN he will resume the affair with his nurse. Of course he's distancing somewhat from the OW. He got caught!!! Too risky to keep on doing what he was doing...at least for a little while. He has you SNOWED and you don't even know it. This is what is so sad. Do you think for one minute because you caught your husband cheating that he is going to stop...lose all lust and temptation for the OW...continue to work side by side with her as "buddies" resisting all her advances? Sorry, but human emotion doesn't work that way. You want it to work that way..but it's all wishful thinking. It isn't reality. Don't underestimate the POWER of emotions that affair partners feel for each other. Your little slap on the wrist had about as much effect as an umbrella in a hurricane. If you want to save your marriage..and yes, I mean save...because it IS in trouble, you need to get you and your husband into marriage counseling. Affairs are symptoms of marital problems...needs not being met...issues inside the wayward spouse. You thought you had a B+ marriage. Your husband, by his cheating, has proven you wrong. Your marriage is in trouble. Get to counseling and find out why. Also, your husband needs to sever all ties with this Other Woman. As long as he is working with her, he will continue to have feelings for her...whether its lust, temptation, or deeper feelings of emotional attachment. The only way to break the bond between your husband and this OW is to make sure they never have any kind of contact whatsoever. You will be making a huge mistake if you underestimate the strength of this bond. I'm glad the DVD was helpful in getting your husband to confess to the affair. Now, you need to get busy reading about affairs. You need to educate yourself. You and your husband are far from being out of the woods.
serial muse Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Consider this is the OP's first and only post and it really seems to be about pushing this DVD, I think this thread might be a veiled advertisement...
2sure Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 In the event this IS an advert or even a real experience, I want to caution readers: After discovering, or even suspecting an affair the FIRST OBVIOUS thing to do is speak to your spouse about it. This woman for some reason could not, so she chose this avenue of the video. Which is fine, if you need to communicate that indirectly. But she DID nothing. By telling him she knew, then doing nothing - she merely condoned his behavior. Also, it sounds like this H is a step ahead of her. People in an Affair talk to each other on the phone, or text, you can count on it. Since she checked his phone and found nothing - he has another she doesn't know about.
jwi71 Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Oh wow! A magic DVD which fixes everything. It even convinces lying cheating men to confess their wrongs!! In ONE HOUR! (Maybe we should show it to George Bush?)
taylor Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 So I made dinner accordingly assuming that he would be home two hours later than regular. I sat there, waiting for two and a half f***in hours and he is not home yet. I decided to call him at work and of coarse he was there!!! He told me that he is still busy and he will call me back. I ended up going to bed because I got tired of waiting on him for almost five hours. You should have gone to his place of employment and SURPRISED him. This whole scenario really angers me. He knows you are at home cooking for him and waiting for him and the whole time HE IS WITH THE OW. He probably ate with her and then had her for dessert! I want to slap him myself! Are you cheating on me? He looked at me like I was absolutely crazy and said NO! He told me he loved me and said he would never do such a thing. So I asked him about the way he smelled everyday he came home and he told me that there was a new nurse in his department that wore a loud perfume and that he had nothing to do with it. I asked him one more time and told him if he was sure of what he was saying and he said he was 100% positive. See how easy it was for him to lie to you? You are gullible, easy to appease. He will use this to his advantage when he decided to resume the affair. It will be harder to fool you now, he knows it. He knows he will just have to work a little harder at it...get sneakier, be more discreet. Now here is the saddest part of the story. Him telling me no actually made me feel better, even though deep inside me I didn't believe him. Can anyone make sense of that??? Of course! It made you feel better because that's what you wanted to hear. You wanted to believe your husband wasn't capable of being such a scumbag - betraying you the way he did. It was easier to believe he was still a good guy than accept that he isn't...easier to believe he still loved you, than question whether he no longer did. The whole time I was watching him, he was nodding his head agreeing with what was being said. And what threw me for a loop is that he began nodding at things during the movie that I thought he NEVER WOULD. And what do you think he was thinking while he sat there watching that video?....I'M BUSTED!!!! he was just sitting there in silence. I nudged him and asked him if he was okay and he said yeah, just thinking. I said, about what? He said he was thinking about everything he heard. He was trying to figure out how he could get out of this one. You had him cornered. He had to think quick...what could he tell you that would cause the least amount of damage? How could he tell you he had an affair and keep you from going ballistic? That's what he was thinking. he looked at me and told me that he was actually having an affair with his nurse. He said he wanted to tell me because how much he believed in being honest, but how could he. NO, he didn't WANT to tell you. He HAD to tell you because YOU ALREADY KNEW and he knew you did. He knew he was busted. HE HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO TELL YOU. This had nothing to do with honesty. If he wanted to be honest, he would have told you months ago. how do I tell the one person I most love in the world that I failed. Interpretation: How do I tell my wife I lied to her deliberately so that I could have sex with the nurse at work and not get caught? Now I was so upset, that I slapped him. I've never hit him before and I started crying. All the suspicious stress came pouring out of me. There was so much that I wanted to say to him, but all I can do was cry. Most BS would have kicked his azz out the door and left him crying and begging to get back in. I asked him what was it about the movie that made him tell me the truth and he said, because the guy was right and I felt like that you could see through me. He undressed my bullsh*t and there I was, another cheating husband. Interpretation: I knew you knew I cheated. I had no choice but to confess. I don't know what it was about those words he said that made me feel so happy. It's because you THOUGHT he was showing genuine remorse for what he did. BUT YOU ARE WRONG. It wasn't genuine. He said those pretty little words to appease you...keep you from going ballistic...to smooth things over...to keep you from throwing him out of the house!!! If your husband was truly sorry for what he did, he would have immediately severed all contact with the OM and insisted he get some counseling to find out why he chose to cheat on you. He gave me the usual routine of he'd never do it again, and I eventually said we will try to move on. Of course he did. Again, confess and then do damage control...appease you...keep you calm...tell you everything is going to be alright...let's just forget about it and move on. THAT's what he wants you to do. Forget about it...like it means nothing. The thing is it isn't nothing. It's HUGE. And you both need to deal with it or it will happen again. So far things have been okay, but you know what they say.... once a cheater always a cheater so we shall see. What has changed though is that he has started coming home on time and no longer do I smell the perfume. He seems happier to be home and everything on the surface seems better Of course things seem better. He is laying low..again, appeasing you...biding his time. He's going to act like the good little boy until all this "blows over." Then guess what he will do? You are right...everything on the SURFACE seems better...but underneath..things are still brewing. Get to counseling...fast. The best part is that last month he called me from work and told me to get dressed and take a break from cooking because we were going out to eat. We went to a lovely restaurant and he told me how his day went and mentioned that the girl he had an affair with approached him at work after they have not spoke for some time and started flirting but he did not even flirt back and told her that she needs to stop immediately. It was nice to hear, but I am still being cautious. This paragraph really angered me. He told you to take a break from cooking? You sound like the maid in the house. And I can't believe you are OK with your husband still working with this OW! As long as you are OK with him having ties to this women...well, he will continue to have ties with her. You are NOT being cautious. You have done nothing to prevent your husband from resuming an affair with this woman. You are sitting back playing happy little housewife while he continues to rub elbows with her at work. It's only a matter of time.... Anyway, I just wanted to share my story, because overall I do feel things have gotten better and I just want to provide some hope to all the other women who have to deal with the stupidity of their men, or I should say choose to. It isn't STUPIDITY you have to deal with...it's INFIDELITY. The two are not even remotely related. The only stupid thing your husband did, in his eyes, was get caught. I have begun to better understand him. Have you, really? What do you understand now that you didn't understand before?
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