faspitchman Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Have been involved with MOW for many years, lots of ups and downs, but we love each other and are committed to each other but want to maintain our marriages for many reasons. We would love to be able to see each other everyday, but not possible with our marriages, have to be discreet. We are frustrated at times, but feel it is worth it. So we live double lives. Anyone want to share experiences in a situation like mine? How have you maintained your marriage and kept your affair going? Would like to hear your comments or your stories.
bentnotbroken Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Do you know the real meaning of commitment? Or is it only a situational concept?
jwi71 Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Have been involved with MOW for many years, lots of ups and downs, but we love each other and are committed to each other but want to maintain our marriages for many reasons. We would love to be able to see each other everyday, but not possible with our marriages, have to be discreet. We are frustrated at times, but feel it is worth it. So we live double lives. Anyone want to share experiences in a situation like mine? How have you maintained your marriage and kept your affair going? Would like to hear your comments or your stories. Time and pressure. Under both all things crack then yield. Same with you. It only takes ONE mistake, one slip and the cat is out of the bag. MY vote, and I bet the vote of others is....end the A or end he M. Rarely, like a snowball's chance in hell, does this work. One will get caught and immediately throw the other under the bus. Can you image how that will feel when your true love paints you as some addicted psychopathic liar and stalker? Pick. W or OW. It will come to that eventually.
CAMAYPARK Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Good luck to you, fp. I am not here to judge, but as long as both of you realises what is at stake and are satisfy with whatever that you currently have, who are we to judge
samprez Posted February 21, 2009 Posted February 21, 2009 Time and pressure. Under both all things crack then yield. Same with you. It only takes ONE mistake, one slip and the cat is out of the bag. MY vote, and I bet the vote of others is....end the A or end he M. Rarely, like a snowball's chance in hell, does this work. One will get caught and immediately throw the other under the bus. Can you image how that will feel when your true love paints you as some addicted psychopathic liar and stalker? Pick. W or OW. It will come to that eventually. Funny but not really. The idea that you're involved in an A and then try to throw the other person under the bus cracks me up. When I got caught, I didn't even go that route. How could I? I was involved long enough that saying that she did this or that was bunk. Ultimately, it's just as defense mechanism but I would bet most BS wouldn't buy it anyway. No way.
2sunny Posted February 21, 2009 Posted February 21, 2009 believe it! a lot of people post here when their WS tries to deflect the attention onto the OW/OM. of course they are asking if it's possible that the lies the WS says are true. yep, they really want to believe the WS hasn't actually or technically strayed.
OpenBook Posted February 21, 2009 Posted February 21, 2009 I'm having a hard time believing the W hasn't caught on that something is going on. How could she NOT? It's her H - the guy she goes to bed with every night, and wakes up with every morning. Unless the two of them are already living separate lives - i.e., sleeping in separate bedrooms, passing each other in the hallway every now and then, etc. And I'm curious - why the thread asking for other CH's to share their experiences? Are you trying to get better at it? or trying to decide if it's worth continuing to live the double-life? Or are you just seeking assurance that you're not the only guy out there who's doing this? If that's the case, trust me pal - there are MANY MANY others out there who're doing the same thing you are. I'm mystified why anyone would want to live their lives like that. But I'm not walking around in your moccasins. I can tell you this, though - there aren't many CH's who post here. They're probably too busy (and happy) juggling their double-lives. Are you happy, faspitchman?
whichwayisup Posted February 21, 2009 Posted February 21, 2009 but we love each other and are committed to each other but want to maintain our marriages for many reasons. Having your cake and eating too. Why not allow your wife to enjoy the same thing? HAVE an open marriage that way SHE can get her needs met by another man. Let me guess, you probably wouldn't like that or want to share her with another man. It's OK for you to live a double life but not OK for her...Right?
blinded Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Have been involved with MOW for many years, lots of ups and downs, but we love each other and are committed to each other but want to maintain our marriages for many reasons. We would love to be able to see each other everyday, but not possible with our marriages, have to be discreet. We are frustrated at times, but feel it is worth it. So we live double lives. Anyone want to share experiences in a situation like mine? How have you maintained your marriage and kept your affair going? Would like to hear your comments or your stories. I was in a very similar relationship. I know I'm opening myself up for the tomato throwing, but I don't think you should feel alone. It's very hard and I think more complicated that a traditional A b/c so much more is at stake. I think it's a double betrayal. But you've been doing it for years and just started posting now. Maybe deep down it's taking a toll on you emotionally? I'm here if you just need a friend to talk to someone to just listen
confusedinkansas Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 Been there / Done that It's not easy....Well it was easy ~ right up until his wife left him (not because of HIS A...but because of HERS, she left him for another man) When she left him he was devistated. Decided he couldn't trust women AT ALL....& dumped me! It's all fun & games until someone gets hurt. Even though he & I have not had contact in quite a long time - I still think of him & have a little pain in my heart..... Years later I still struggle with the guilt from time to time. But you know - to each his or her own. If it works for you & you get what you need...it's all good! But I'd suspect that either her husband knows or your wife knows.
bentnotbroken Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 Been there / Done that It's not easy....Well it was easy ~ right up until his wife left him (not because of HIS A...but because of HERS, she left him for another man) When she left him he was devistated. Decided he couldn't trust women AT ALL....& dumped me! It's all fun & games until someone gets hurt. Even though he & I have not had contact in quite a long time - I still think of him & have a little pain in my heart..... Years later I still struggle with the guilt from time to time. But you know - to each his or her own. If it works for you & you get what you need...it's all good! But I'd suspect that either her husband knows or your wife knows. It think the point is it isn't all good. If it were spouses wouldn't have a problem with it. And no one would be hurt when it ended, AP, MP or BS. Nothing is good that hurts so many.
Geishawhelk Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 I love that: "Committed to MOW". I don't suppose it ever crossed your mind that the one person - and the only person - you should be committed to - is your own wife? Is there any justifiable, honest, good and logical reason why you decided it would be better to betray her, lie to her, cheat on her, deceive her and abuse your marriage in this way - instead of actually talking it over with her and deciding to (ONE) either work on it or (TWO) end it properly and release both of you from your marriage...?? Has it not occurred to you to actually lay your cards on the table and be upfront with her, and let her find happiness, comfort and love with someone else? OK, now.... ....let's wait for it.......
Reggie Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 What a heart rendering story. True love, up against all odds. Now, back to my latest Harlequin Romance.
2sure Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 There are many posters on her who like you, are involved in affairs. Because this is a support forum and because the nature of affairs is to say the least , logistically inconvenient - most of them do not post here until: They want to end either the marriage or the affair. They have been found out and want to save the marriage. They want their affair partner to leave the marriage. You see, having both usually is not a problem requiring support. The only problem arises when the affair is brought to light. Marriage is a committment that involves way more than love, thats why it is entered into so seriously. Anyone can decide they are in love and /or exclusive. Thats easy. The committment comes from accepting the day to day, the crisis that arises, the financial and legal aspects of a union. Sometimes, through the hard periods that affect every marriage and life - the legal and financial aspects are hold us together until we pull through. That being said - calling your affair a "committment" with no thoughts of actually being committed, or relieving yourself of your existing committments...just sounds ...how old are you?
crazy love Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 Have been involved with MOW for many years, lots of ups and downs, but we love each other and are committed to each other but want to maintain our marriages for many reasons. We would love to be able to see each other everyday, but not possible with our marriages, have to be discreet. We are frustrated at times, but feel it is worth it. So we live double lives. Anyone want to share experiences in a situation like mine? How have you maintained your marriage and kept your affair going? Would like to hear your comments or your stories. Hey FastPitchMan. I've been in a very similar situation. Actually almost identical situation. It is pretty mind blowing sometimes. Do you ever think that you will find yourselves together? You and OW? I'd like to know how the 2 of you cope with the conflicting feelings, well...I'd like to hear it from your "man" prospective actually. For me the ups and downs used to be pretty intense, but now the downs seem to have mellowed out while the ups are beyond words.
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