Isolde Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Hey all, I've just realized that I view dating in a kind of weird way: I don't like dating just for dating's sake. Honestly, the idea of getting dinner with someone a few times and never seeing them again seems very weird and forced to me. I DO realize that some dating is usually necessary to find a relationship--but I feel like people who go on date after date, aren't any more likely to find what they want than people who leave it up to chance. Therefore, ironically, the fact that no one has been asking me out doesn't really bother me much. I DO want to hang out with guys, but either as friends or as more-than-friends. That grey area, I can't stand!
calazhage Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 I agree.. I cannot stand dating.. Meeting, getting to know the other person, hearing their stories, telling your same stories...Not knowing if you are completely wasting your time..
MN randomguy Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Dating is really a relatively recent development over the last couple of generations in our culture. I'm currently reading a book about how modern dating just doesn't work. I think that sometime in the future things will have to change. The most frustrating thing from a guy's prospective is that the way things currently work is that the poo rises to the top. I haven't read far enough to see what he proposes.
fishtaco Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 So what's the solution? If you're genuine but everyone around is playing games, what do you do? I understand what you're saying. Why waste time with someone when you know it's not going to work out. Well, people do that all the time. I don't know why, but they do. The only way to tell is after they disappear, then you know they weren't serious. There's no way to pre-filter them. I have a "sidekick" that hangs out with me all the time. She's from Mexico City, and doesn't have much dating experience. After observing me in action, at first she was surprised how "fast" I move. I would go flirt with a chick, then go for her number (not really fast by our standards, she's just not used to the dating scene). Then she would be surprised at how flirty women are, she would think the women were all really into me based on the way they were acting, only to find out later they weren't interested at all. They were just playing around. My sidekick doesn't act like this. If she showed interest in a man, it's REALLY because she's interested. But little does she know, women like her are in the extreme minority. After a number of iterations of observing various So-Cal dating actions that I got myself into, she was shocked and called her friends in Mexico City, like she saw something crazy. Her friends told her - So? we do that here too. This is just how it is. It's even international. If you have a solution I'd like to know. I'm a "modern dater" not because I like to, but because I have to. If you have a good solution I'm all ears. But until then, I'm right there on the bandwagon.
calazhage Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 I agree with fish taco... Typically if a latin American woman goes on a date with you, she is interested. If you sleep with her, she is your girlfriend, or expects to be.If she flirts, she is genuinely interested. Not just doing it for attention. Sex is also better, because you know this woman likes you. Modern dating in this culture is a joke. You go out with a woman several times, maybe even have sex with her, and often times still have no idea if she is even that interested, lol. Like cold fish. Meantime she is dating other guys, getting free meals, wants to be entertained.. I personally will not go out with a woman more than 2 times. If she is not my girlfriend by then, I move on to another. Maybe it sounds crazy, but it works pretty well.. In the past, anytime I dated a girl 5 6 7 8 9 times, and still were not exclusive, it was a complete waste of time.
fishtaco Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Actually I'm not saying Latina's are more serious. Other than having brothers that want to kick you ass even if she's the one that came on to you, they're pretty much the same as far as dating is concerned. They are every bit "modern daters" as anyone else. My theory is that it has to do with big cities. In densely populated areas, this is how dating is like - no one take it seriously. 90% of the time it's just play. Survival of the fittest. Here's the system, you can't change it, so what are you going to do about it? That's what I believe anyway.
Trialbyfire Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Different people date lightly or seriously, at different times of their lives. As long as both parties are into the light stuff, why not? It's only if one person is mislead or wants to believe otherwise, that things go south. Also, if you don't date people, how will you know what works for you and what doesn't? I'm not suggesting that you leap into bed with every guy you date, just that you learn what kind of guys work for you.
calazhage Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 This is assuming people are open, honest, and truthful during casual dating..How often does that happen?
carhill Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Why not just go out and have a good time? Share your zest for life? See what happens. Look at TBF. A month and a half and she's engaged. That's zest
Trialbyfire Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Why not just go out and have a good time? Share your zest for life? See what happens. Look at TBF. A month and a half and she's engaged. That's zest Crazy times, carhill. I would never have called this one, not in a million years!
chrislovestosurf Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 shes engaged after a month and a half of dating? Did i interpret that correctly? Isolde, no grey area for you and me baby.
Trialbyfire Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 It's been 51 days or 7.285714 weeks. You'd best get going with Isolde!
carhill Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Can you see that huge sparkler on her finger? This is the potential when one has a positive outlook on dating. I can put aside my personal pain and see the value in that philosophy and feel her joy. That's what life is about
chrislovestosurf Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 dont get me wrong, im happy for you tbf, but well... i dunno forget it. Isolde, are you telling me that guys arent knocking down your door wanting to date you? or that they are but you are being extremely selective based on their looks/personality?
carhill Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 This is why TBF is the perfect person to post in this thread. She's extremely selective regarding men, as Isolde appears to be. Perhaps they are selective in different ways but, regardless, it shows that persistence and a positive attitude do pay off
Trialbyfire Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 I can only recommend patience with A LOT of luck. When you find the right man, it feels right and is sooooooo easy, in that everything happens so naturally. This didn't mean I didn't date. I dated what, 8 or 9 different guys in the last couple of years. They were primarily good guys, a few permanent bachelors, the rest, assorted.
sumdude Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Why not just go out and have a good time? Share your zest for life? See what happens. Look at TBF. A month and a half and she's engaged. That's zest !!!??? TBF?? WTF?? coool! congrats, guess I've been out of the loop lately.
Trialbyfire Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 !!!??? TBF?? WTF?? coool! congrats, guess I've been out of the loop lately. Thanks! There's no real loop. Just crazy times this year!
blondesmiler Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Hey all, I've just realized that I view dating in a kind of weird way: I don't like dating just for dating's sake. Honestly, the idea of getting dinner with someone a few times and never seeing them again seems very weird and forced to me. I DO realize that some dating is usually necessary to find a relationship--but I feel like people who go on date after date, aren't any more likely to find what they want than people who leave it up to chance. Therefore, ironically, the fact that no one has been asking me out doesn't really bother me much. I DO want to hang out with guys, but either as friends or as more-than-friends. That grey area, I can't stand! I know I had more fun dating when I wasn't interested in a relationship and just went along for male company. If anything had become of the dates and gone further that would have been great but just going out without any hopes certainly left me less frustrated with the dating scene.
Chicago_Guy Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 I agree with fish taco... Modern dating in this culture is a joke. You go out with a woman several times, maybe even have sex with her, and often times still have no idea if she is even that interested, lol. Like cold fish. Meantime she is dating other guys, getting free meals, wants to be entertained.. I personally will not go out with a woman more than 2 times. If she is not my girlfriend by then, I move on to another. Maybe it sounds crazy, but it works pretty well.. In the past, anytime I dated a girl 5 6 7 8 9 times, and still were not exclusive, it was a complete waste of time. Unfortunately, there seem to be a lot of women like that in big cities. They take advantage of the genuine guys who do want a relationship with a good woman.
Author Isolde Posted February 20, 2009 Author Posted February 20, 2009 Different people date lightly or seriously, at different times of their lives. As long as both parties are into the light stuff, why not? It's only if one person is mislead or wants to believe otherwise, that things go south. Also, if you don't date people, how will you know what works for you and what doesn't? I'm not suggesting that you leap into bed with every guy you date, just that you learn what kind of guys work for you. Right, I'm not attacking anyone's preferences here or even dating as a whole, I just find myself unable to stomach the idea of "casually dating"--dating someone you're not that into just because you're bored. Or going out on a couple dates where there's no chemistry just because you have nothing else going on. I think I already know what works for me. I want a man that is sensitive, caring and shares some of my quirky interests. Someone free-minded, independent, and yet affectionate.
Author Isolde Posted February 20, 2009 Author Posted February 20, 2009 I know I had more fun dating when I wasn't interested in a relationship and just went along for male company. If anything had become of the dates and gone further that would have been great but just going out without any hopes certainly left me less frustrated with the dating scene. That's just it though. I feel like if I go on a few dates and nothing happens, not even a kiss, it's just so ... unfulfilling, I end up wishing I'd stayed home. It doesn't help that I really enjoy physical affection, so going on chemistry-less dates makes me yearn for that even more. I'm not saying I'm looking for a hookup--I'm just saying I hate the feeling of there being no chemistry on either side.
Author Isolde Posted February 20, 2009 Author Posted February 20, 2009 Thanks! There's no real loop. Just crazy times this year! Oh, I figured I should send you a great big CONGRATULATIONS. It's refreshing to see what life can bring people sometimes. Your ring is very pretty.
Author Isolde Posted February 20, 2009 Author Posted February 20, 2009 This didn't mean I didn't date. I dated what, 8 or 9 different guys in the last couple of years. They were primarily good guys, a few permanent bachelors, the rest, assorted. This is the other thing. I feel like going out with good guys that I'm reasonably attracted to and not having anything develop would be disappointing. Am I just being ridiculous? I know I need to get out there, I'm just a frickin' coward.
carhill Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 OP, you're going to "what if" yourself right into a solo gig at a nursing home. Stop it!
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