V.Vixen Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 For some reason I have this nagging feeling that I shouldn't go out with this guy I am seeing. He is nice, gentlemanly, and I find him attractive, so I don't GET it! Is this that woman's intuition thing? We are supposed to go out tonight for a 3rd date. Things have been going pretty well, but I have that feeling in my gut and I don't know why. Would you go with that intuition, or just dismiss it as nerves?
Island Girl Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 If I got that feeling I'd stop seeing him. It would just be in the back of my head freaking me out so communication would be forced and any possible relationship may be strained because of it. It just isn't worth it. I'd go out with a different guy.
Author V.Vixen Posted February 20, 2009 Author Posted February 20, 2009 I just wish I could pinpoint it! I can't! I know I tend to be on the picky side, but I usually have a REASON. This will drive me nuts either way, especially if I break it off with him without having a good reason to give him.
Isolde Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Funny, but this thread should be reassuring to some of us. I suppose sometimes people reject based on a holistic feeling that there isn't chemistry, as opposed to something concrete being wrong with the person.
Island Girl Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Funny, but this thread should be reassuring to some of us. I suppose sometimes people reject based on a holistic feeling that there isn't chemistry, as opposed to something concrete being wrong with the person. More often than not - that's all it is. That and personal taste. Neither should be taken as an affront to the other person but just accepted.
Trialbyfire Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Don't dismiss it. There's something you're picking up. It's like double-vision. Best to bide your time and find out what your sensing, otherwise you might regret letting go before you figure it out. Once you've pinpointed it, you can decide if it's something you can handle or something that's a dealbreaker.
TwilightSky Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 I don't know--let's say you meet someone who you think as a "nice guy" and he turns out to be a jerk, happens all the time I hear. "Women's intuition" isn't always accurate. But, you don't seem terribly interested, and since this seems to really bother you, just go with what you feel.
movingonandon Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 You will only get female responses here, 80% in favor of going with the gut feeling, 20% against (and I'm being generous). Girls freak out for random, vague reasons. Guys just take it for granted (and move on when that happens). More to the point, I would recommend not putting that much weight on whatever feeling/intuition you have. The fact that you cannot produce any evidence to justify it suggests that it might be a function of your own fears and insecurities rather than anything this guy does (or doesn't). Intuition is seriously overrated. You can put in your head all sorts of crazy ideas and then chalk them up to "intuition".
Author V.Vixen Posted February 20, 2009 Author Posted February 20, 2009 I have a lot going on in my personal life (medical problemsbills/, personal/work challenges, etc), so I think I may need to just continue to talk to him at least. I feel like my 'intuition' might be off because of these things, or maybe not.
movingonandon Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 I have a lot going on in my personal life (medical problemsbills/, personal/work challenges, etc), so I think I may need to just continue to talk to him at least. I feel like my 'intuition' might be off because of these things, or maybe not. Exactly, I'm not saying that intuition is completely useless - it is not, insofar it is promptly *complemented with some credible evidence* (which it is supposed to help you uncover by sensitizing you to what to look for). Otherwise it's just neurosis, or anxiety, or gas, or whatever
Trialbyfire Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Are you analytical by nature V.Vixen? If so, you can figure out what your intuition is telling you by marking down when you feel uncomfortable and what your conversations/interactions were at the time with him. Never ignore it! Figure it out. Btdt, bought the shirt and threw it out...
Author V.Vixen Posted February 20, 2009 Author Posted February 20, 2009 Otherwise it's just neurosis, or anxiety, or gas, or whatever I think I have all of these things. It's been a high anxiety week, so I am not going to think too much.
Author V.Vixen Posted February 20, 2009 Author Posted February 20, 2009 Are you analytical by nature V.Vixen? If so, you can figure out what your intuition is telling you by marking down when you feel uncomfortable and what your conversations/interactions were at the time with him. Never ignore it! Figure it out. Btdt, bought the shirt and threw it out... I am analytical by nature, but I think my current situations might be hindering that ability, perhaps. Hence, me feeling crazy for not having a reason.
2sunny Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 when i feel this way and i can't pinpoint it - i usually find by paying closer attention that the actions or effort doesn't match the words. the fact that they don't match shows me that the person isn't as interested as they say they are.
Scarlett513 Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 I think if you're not feeling it for any reason (even if you can't pinpoint it), don't force it. If you have to convince yourself to go out with him, it's probably not worth pursuing.
Author V.Vixen Posted February 20, 2009 Author Posted February 20, 2009 I told him I wasn't feeling well tonight, and now I wonder if it was all in my head and I could have ruined something good.
ddraper Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 You seem to have an attraction problem. He's nice and gentlemanly, in your words, sometimes good things, sometimes bad things. I think in this instance you might THINK you are attracted to him, but you actually are not. You women have a very counter intuitive way about you and attraction. Your move.
LovieDove24 Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 V. Vixen I'm very intrigued by this thread because I had this *same* feeling with the last guy I dated. I couldn't pinpoint the origin of that weird stomachey feeling for the life of me. In the first month of dating him, I was also seeing a second guy whom I never had a weird feeling with. Second guy was also very safe: very shy, wasn't making a move, and slightly down on himself. Im guessing all these attributes were what added up to my feeling like second guy was harmless. Needless to say I ended up dumping him and getting exclusive with "weird feeling" guy. This was my experience: I was having this icky feeling almost instantly from the first time we spoke on the phone. I brushed it aside as nothing of course because we were having such wonderful conversation and he seemed very kind. After our first date, that sealed it for me. He was fun, understood me, grew up in similar backgrounds, and he had this intensity in his eyes when he looked at me that just made me feel instant connection. Plus the kiss at the end of the night was sparks galore. And suddenly that uneasy feeling I first had on the phone with him went away. However it didn't go away completely...even as I sure as hell tried to ignore it. Throughout the four months that we dated it kept popping up from time to time. Something always just felt a bit "anxious" and a bit "off." Its the best I can describe it. I even found myself "digging" for information about him. Looking for red flags in every possible area...SOMETHING to verify that this icky feeling had some origin. After awhile I decided not project these feelings onto him of course because I accepted them as my own and as seperate from him. After all, I was very nervous about relationships in general and was scared of letting my guard down. I was (and still am) in therapy trying to work on my inner happiness, so I figured that dealing with feelings ON MY OWN in this situation was good practice. So once again, I still felt "it" I just didn't let myself associate it with HIM. So whats the point in all this? I now realize for me my internal sensor was going off saying "You're not ready for a relationship!" And most importantly "He's NOT the one to bring out the best in you even when you WERE ready for one." He ended up leaving me without a word: no email, no phone call, no nothing after four months. Something in me knew he was not good for me. It just wasnt visible on the outside. Hindsight of course is 20/20 and I'm not saying you should dump him without a chance. I just wanted you to hear that this feeling is there for a reason. Whether or not you know what it is yet. Try and decide whether it has something to do with YOU or with HIM. Best of luck.
GorillaTheater Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 It's exactly why I'm here. Something is starting to feel amiss in my 25-year marriage, but I can't even begin to put my finger on it. Tough subject to bring up (with either my wife or the forums) when I feel like I don't know what the hell I'm talking about.
LovieDove24 Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Oh and movingonandon, if you don't think its important to put too much stock into intuition... Why is it that certain men and certain situations trigger icky feelings while others don't? If we get an overall weird or bad feeling from someone, wouldn't it be in our best benefit to avoid them for serious relationships? For our own happiness, this only seems logical. Be around those you feel good with, discard the ones you don't...
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