carona716 Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 The situation goes like this. I love this girl I have been dating for almost 2 years, and have known her for almost 7 now. We were ready to get married to each other, I even asked her father for permission! Currently she is going to school about 45 minutes away, and she comes to visit on the weekends. Things were going great until... i\I was on skype the other night, and some random person messages me with a copy-pasted facebook conversation my GF was having with some guy i have never heard about. I dont know who the guy was, but the message was my GF and this guy role play cybering together. Naturally, I was angry, so I call her when I know she is out of class. She admits almost immediatly, spamming me with sorry and 'I was trying to get him to stop, I just didnt know how.' She told me this is the first time anything like this has happened, but I wanted her facebook information just to double check for myself. You would figure in this situation, someone would be willing to hand it over, just to set their lovers heart at ease. Nope. Says im just going to have to trust her, that she values her privacy very highly. Whatever, i'm a forgiving guy, i'll let her have her privacy, at the expense of confirmation. So I forgive her, and tell her we will be able to work this out. The next day, i notice he is still on her friends list, so I decide to get a little bit of controll on the situation, and message him myself, telling him I dont like what he is doing with my GF and to please knock it off. He replies with, 'Ok, sorry, its just how we have been doing it for years.' Excuse me? I call her again, repeating the message to her, asking her, a bit forcefully, 'How long has this been going on?' Pause...........'So its been going on for a couple years, ok!?' I really dont want to leave her, so all I could say was 'if you have an ounce of love in your heart that you claim too, you will find a way to make this right. You have a campus full of friends, figure something out' She seemed very apologetic, and even told me she would figure something out. After first lieing to me, telling me this was the first and only time this has happened, and then not even bother telling me about it our whole relationship, when should I draw the line??
cresentcrow44 Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Man, thats a tough one. When your in Love you want to believe your partner when they tell you a thing. When they get caught in the lie, not once but twice here, well, it would make me wonder if there will be a next time. Maybe its like when something has gone on for so long its hard to figure out how to end it or change the nature of the relationship because she didnt want to hurt his feelings or some such?. That by no means excuses the lie, but perhaps now that its in the open, and she says she wants to make it right, give her a chance to, see waht happens. Also Id want to know who sent this to you. Kind of manipulative, dont you think?
Davey McG Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Don't be a chump. She is disrespecting you on many levels and will continue to do so until you dump her. 1. She's cybering over the internet with other guys (one that you know of) 2. She's still friends with the guy she's doing that with (the one you know of) 3. Won't be transparent after betraying you. Dump her, she is capable of much more. And don't contact the guy. He doesn't know you, care about you or owe you anything. She's the one that's doing it and willfully. She's not a victim but a willful participant. It's probably happened lots of times before and this is the first time she got caught. RUN. She's playing you for a fool
wowIlose Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Wow. How crappy is this. Here you are wanting to marry this girl, thinking shes the love of your life and then something like this surfaces. The trust has been broken and you will forever be paranoid about her actions moving forward. The bottom line: you can not trust her because she is not trust worthy. This is a form of cheating and it really shows what is she is capable of. Who knows what else she could have done to this point that you do not know about. Do you really want to marry this girl? Think really straight here. Take your emotions out of the picture (i know its hard..) and think... you want this woman to be the mother of your children in the future? I hope you come to your senses and end this. It will be extremely painful but not as painful as going through marriage, divorce, child custody and finding out shes done worse. Get out while you can. Good luck.
samspade Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Drop her like a bad habit, and thank your lucky stars you did not marry this woman. The fact is, you ALREADY trusted her, and she betrayed that trust. It's on her, not you. Just move on. You should not tolerate this kind of disrespectful behavior, and anyone who acts like this should not be a part of your life. If you try to "make it right" and work on it, it will be on her absurd terms, and you will always be suspicious. It will eat at you and eventually your insecurity over her untrustworthy behavior will give HER a terrific reason to dump YOU. It sucks - you loved her, she hurt you. The best thing you can do is walk away - and don't look back. It will be painful in the short term but will save you a LOT more pain in the long term.
Author carona716 Posted February 25, 2009 Author Posted February 25, 2009 Thanks for all the input everyone...This is a lot tougher than I though. We have broken up, me being a bit more bitter than i would like to be. She told me that I was manipulative and controlling and shes the better person no matter what. I know I wasent, she is just trying to convince herself to make herself feel better. The worst part is, her friends, and parents, hate me because she all told them a story that conveniently forgot to include the fact she cheated on me. it sucks, her getting a big sympathy party, while i sit here with my head in my hands. I have also wrote about this here since these things have happened: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t180689/
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