blondesmiler Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 and celebate! Is that what is likely? I am in my thirties, I go on the odd date but never progresses any further even when I have shown interest. Dating is getting more frustrating and less fun month by month. I have kind of resided myself to a life of singledom, but deep down I yearn to spend some quality time with someone lovely and wonderful, to cherish them and be cherished. What exactly does one have to be other than oneself to get with partner these days? Get tired of my non single friends seeing me as just Debz, Debz is always free, and them telling me things like "its not all a bed of roses you know" (yeah as if I didn't know that, didn't stop them from getting with their SO/OH) or "you never know whats round the corner" (how many corners does one have to go round til you keep going around in circles ) or "single life is so easy I don't know what you worry about" (yeah cause single life never gets dull or lonley its always totally perfect and wonderful ) yada yada yada. How does one get on well in the world of dating? and more?
complication Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 Get a new, fresh look, start approaching (I'm assuming you're a guy). If you're a girl, start approaching, too. Try dating online. Honsetly, how many people do you nkow are single for life? I've known people who are single for months or years and then find someone. I'm 21. In the past 6 months after I got out of a 1 year relationship, I went on dates with 6 girls. None worked out. Do I care? Nope, I can easiy approach today and find another girl.
Author blondesmiler Posted February 19, 2009 Author Posted February 19, 2009 Get a new, fresh look, start approaching (I'm assuming you're a guy). If you're a girl, start approaching, too. Try dating online. Honsetly, how many people do you nkow are single for life? I've known people who are single for months or years and then find someone. I'm 21. In the past 6 months after I got out of a 1 year relationship, I went on dates with 6 girls. None worked out. Do I care? Nope, I can easiy approach today and find another girl. online - been doing for ages, nothing significant has become of that I know quite a few single people, doesn't stop me from yearning to be with someone though. My pic ~ do I really look like a guy, I flippin hope not otherwise that could be the issue
complication Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 online - been doing for ages, nothing significant has become of that I know quite a few single people, doesn't stop me from yearning to be with someone though. My pic ~ do I really look like a guy, I flippin hope not otherwise that could be the issue Sorry I couldn't see ya. Do you have a bigger picture? I'll tell ya with brutal honesty what you could do differently as you nkow guys are purely judging off of looks initially.
Author blondesmiler Posted February 19, 2009 Author Posted February 19, 2009 Sorry I couldn't see ya. Do you have a bigger picture? I'll tell ya with brutal honesty what you could do differently as you nkow guys are purely judging off of looks initially. That isn't the issue, I was just messing . I look pretty good, keep in good shape, dress very well, have a happy bubbly personality and am fun. Doesn't seem to be enough.
complication Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 That isn't the issue, I was just messing . I look pretty good, keep in good shape, dress very well, have a happy bubbly personality and am fun. Doesn't seem to be enough. Realize this, and it's honest. In the 30s, I'd say a lot of people have someone. Not all, but a lot. Guys in your age run a much higher risk of approaching because the odds are you'll have someone. Younger guys would approach a girl in her 30s, but they'd approach a girl in the lower 20s first. So you have two options...start approaching guys, because guys are girly now a'days, or go to social places to meet. Or hit on your single guy friends.
prettybaby Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 Where exactly do you live? I have found that location can actually be an issue. I've lived in different countries and areas, and it is definitely a huge factor that people don't always realize. Especially if you've always lived in the same area. I have scored plently of dates in some places, and zero in others. Quite frankly, you seem good looking from your picture, and if you're bubbly and approachable, then that's really all you need initially.
fral945 Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 Find some unbiased opinions. I have found that helps me. I have even asked my unsuccessful dates to tell me why they weren't interested in me before ending contact. Sometimes I got more than I wanted to know. But it did give me insights into myself I did not have before. I've even video taped myself just to see how I carry myself and what kind of physical impression I give to people. We all tend to think of ourselves in a positive light. Try to step outside of yourself and put yourself in the shoes of the men that you would be most interested in.
CommitmentPhobe Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 Wait a minute, NO There isn't a single thing I've achieved in this life that I haven't found at some point lacking some fun and being quite challenging. You're not exactly past it yet! So what's with the resignation? Just having a "feel sorry for myself" day? I don't think there's anything about your situation that's anything out of the ordinary.
Author blondesmiler Posted February 19, 2009 Author Posted February 19, 2009 Find some unbiased opinions. I have found that helps me. I have even asked my unsuccessful dates to tell me why they weren't interested in me before ending contact. Sometimes I got more than I wanted to know. But it did give me insights into myself I did not have before. I've even video taped myself just to see how I carry myself and what kind of physical impression I give to people. We all tend to think of ourselves in a positive light. Try to step outside of yourself and put yourself in the shoes of the men that you would be most interested in. Am not sure about the video taping, being a women I know the camera adds 10lbs not sure am ready for that but your suggestions are very good. I have sometime this weekend, I will indeed try the stepping outside of ones own shoes and see. Thanks
Author blondesmiler Posted February 19, 2009 Author Posted February 19, 2009 Wait a minute, NO There isn't a single thing I've achieved in this life that I haven't found at some point lacking some fun and being quite challenging. You're not exactly past it yet! So what's with the resignation? Just having a "feel sorry for myself" day? I don't think there's anything about your situation that's anything out of the ordinary. Its not that I feel sorry for myself today, I just cannot seem to get someone too date regularly which is frustrating and just feel that perhaps it just isn't meant to be. I try, I yearn but cannot seem to make it happen. Perhaps just need to reside to being single and stop trying to find love n stuff, maybe then things will happen??? (thats what I meant to say before) Its like having an aspiration that no matter what I do or how I try, I simply cannot achieve.
fral945 Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 Am not sure about the video taping, being a women I know the camera adds 10lbs not sure am ready for that but your suggestions are very good. I have sometime this weekend, I will indeed try the stepping outside of ones own shoes and see. Thanks Yea, videotaping does help (even if it frightens you a bit ). For me, I discovered the way I carried myself was very off putting.
clv0116 Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 Your avatar isn't very flattering, maybe you need to look into projecting a different image?
fishtaco Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 That isn't the issue, I was just messing . I look pretty good, keep in good shape, dress very well, have a happy bubbly personality and am fun. Doesn't seem to be enough. But do you have nice rack? That's the key. Just kidding. This is dating. This is just how it is. I'm still not over my ex, so I haven't really committed myself fully into the dating scene. I've sort of put my toes in to test the water, and already I ran into flaky attention whore game playing women. Once I really do get going, I'll get plenty more of those. Just make sure you have a good filter. Most women out there are simply crap, just some crap are more physically attractive than others. I'm sure same goes for men. Grass is greener on the other side. I say enjoy your single life when you're single. Enjoy your partner life when you're in a relationship. Neither one is better than the other, they're just different. You have to take the goods with the bads. Men have it just as bad as you do, if not worse. At least you get free meals if things fizzle out.
Author blondesmiler Posted February 19, 2009 Author Posted February 19, 2009 Your avatar isn't very flattering, maybe you need to look into projecting a different image? No, its not a great picture and its tiny....I look good and also look alot younger than my age but its not "all" about looks....but perhaps as the gentleman before you suggested am not putting myself forward in the best light, even though I believed previously I was/am.
lovestruck818 Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 Get a new, fresh look, start approaching (I'm assuming you're a guy). If you're a girl, start approaching, too. Try dating online. Honsetly, how many people do you nkow are single for life? I've known people who are single for months or years and then find someone. I'm 21. In the past 6 months after I got out of a 1 year relationship, I went on dates with 6 girls. None worked out. Do I care? Nope, I can easiy approach today and find another girl. Complication- I wish it really were that easy to just say "I'll find someone else"...but it isn't that easy! I've been single since August, I am 27 years old. I hate being single and I am always going on dates and nothing is working out! It's not easy to just say that you will find someone...b/c a lot of people don't. And ya can't just blame one person. Some of the men liked me and I didn't like them...some I liked and they didn't like me. It's all about finding someone who can jive with you and you can jive with. There are soooooo many people out there. I think finding a monogamous relationship that you can be happy with is one of the HARDEST things to do.
Author blondesmiler Posted February 19, 2009 Author Posted February 19, 2009 But do you have nice rack? That's the key. Just kidding. This is dating. This is just how it is. I'm still not over my ex, so I haven't really committed myself fully into the dating scene. I've sort of put my toes in to test the water, and already I ran into flaky attention whore game playing women. Once I really do get going, I'll get plenty more of those. Just make sure you have a good filter. Most women out there are simply crap, just some crap are more physically attractive than others. I'm sure same goes for men. Grass is greener on the other side. I say enjoy your single life when you're single. Enjoy your partner life when you're in a relationship. Neither one is better than the other, they're just different. You have to take the goods with the bads. Men have it just as bad as you do, if not worse. At least you get free meals if things fizzle out. Free meals, not in the UK we don't!! lol I have been single for the best part of 7yrs give or take the odd fling and one 7month relationship. I have been single for 18months currently, its long enough to have enjoyed the single life and now bit bored of it. Companionship, affection, passion are all things you do not get in single life or in minute amounts. I'd like more.
clv0116 Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 No, its not a great picture and its tiny....I look good and also look alot younger than my age but its not "all" about looks....but perhaps as the gentleman before you suggested am not putting myself forward in the best light, even though I believed previously I was/am. Probably so. Love it or hate it, guys decide pretty fast based on looks whether to pursue or not. Sometimes men and women get thrown together in a captive situation and that barrier gets beaten down but it's not the common case. I'm apparently a bit of a downer to talk to about this so I'll bow out unless you want me to comment further here.
fishtaco Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 Free meals, not in the UK we don't!! lol I have been single for the best part of 7yrs give or take the odd fling and one 7month relationship. I have been single for 18months currently, its long enough to have enjoyed the single life and now bit bored of it. Companionship, affection, passion are all things you do not get in single life or in minute amounts. I'd like more. Men don't pay for dates in the UK? Hmmm... if it weren't for the bad weather and people pronouncing English words the wrong way, I'd consider moving there. Just kidding, accents foreign to any area are usually considered sexy. But I wasn't kidding about the weather. I look at it as for every "date" that doesn't work out, you've dodged a bullet. Imagine if somehow through sheer will power you forced it to turn into a relationship, how well is that going to go? It's always better to be single than to be in a bad relationship. Being single is hard on your self esteem though, I have to admit. 7 years is a bit long. Do you get dates often? Because really what makes the difference is the quantity, not how long you've been single.
complication Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 Based off of your small picture, and I am a catch (...don't I sound like a cliche douche?), I'd date you, and I'm 21. Smile at a guy, let him initiate. Be a bit of a chase, but show interest. Hence, look at what that girl did to me in my own thread, case in point, I want her even more. Go approach guys. Half the reason dating sucks is because guys have to do all the work. Girls, look good...and look approachable. I've spoken to a girl once who gave me a smile, EASIEST conversation ever. It didn't go far into dating, but the point is I felt more comfortable. Too many people have a down look...and I don't approach because of it. Sometimes, I have, and it's surprising by how quickly their face turns. You can tell within 30 seconds if a person is interested More to a major US city, with your accent it makes me want you bad. I'd LOVE to date an English chick.
Author blondesmiler Posted February 19, 2009 Author Posted February 19, 2009 Men don't pay for dates in the UK? Hmmm... if it weren't for the bad weather and people pronouncing English words the wrong way, I'd consider moving there. Just kidding, accents foreign to any area are usually considered sexy. But I wasn't kidding about the weather. I look at it as for every "date" that doesn't work out, you've dodged a bullet. Imagine if somehow through sheer will power you forced it to turn into a relationship, how well is that going to go? It's always better to be single than to be in a bad relationship. Being single is hard on your self esteem though, I have to admit. 7 years is a bit long. Do you get dates often? Because really what makes the difference is the quantity, not how long you've been single. Yeah that is part of it, being single you do doubt yourself, after going on anothe failed date you'll question yourself, your actions, doubt yourself. It all takes it toll eventually it becomes a bind rather than a pleasure. I would however most def prefer to be single that in a rubbish bad relationship with someone who does't want me, like me, etc etc Based off of your small picture, and I am a catch (...don't I sound like a cliche douche?), I'd date you, and I'm 21. Smile at a guy, let him initiate. Be a bit of a chase, but show interest. Hence, look at what that girl did to me in my own thread, case in point, I want her even more. Go approach guys. Half the reason dating sucks is because guys have to do all the work. Girls, look good...and look approachable. I've spoken to a girl once who gave me a smile, EASIEST conversation ever. It didn't go far into dating, but the point is I felt more comfortable. Too many people have a down look...and I don't approach because of it. Sometimes, I have, and it's surprising by how quickly their face turns. You can tell within 30 seconds if a person is interested More to a major US city, with your accent it makes me want you bad. I'd LOVE to date an English chick. Thats very nice, unfortunately alot of UK guys don't think that way. I can talk to any bloke about anything, but if out (not on a date) and I see someone I like I get shy and cannot approach them, its kinda pathetic. I just get really shy. Probably so. Love it or hate it, guys decide pretty fast based on looks whether to pursue or not. Sometimes men and women get thrown together in a captive situation and that barrier gets beaten down but it's not the common case. I'm apparently a bit of a downer to talk to about this so I'll bow out unless you want me to comment further here. You can comment all you like, just be nice....lol
CommitmentPhobe Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 Its not that I feel sorry for myself today, I just cannot seem to get someone too date regularly which is frustrating and just feel that perhaps it just isn't meant to be. I try, I yearn but cannot seem to make it happen. Perhaps just need to reside to being single and stop trying to find love n stuff, maybe then things will happen??? (thats what I meant to say before) Its like having an aspiration that no matter what I do or how I try, I simply cannot achieve. I think it's ok to have the aspiration, if you don't expect it to happen. If you don't expect it to happen you can try to aspire to it without getting as frustrated. You can want it to happen without expecting it to happen. You've also got to think about it from the other angle, you have something to offer to someone too, there's probably someone out there with the same aspiration, don't let them miss out on that.
Author blondesmiler Posted February 19, 2009 Author Posted February 19, 2009 I think it's ok to have the aspiration, if you don't expect it to happen. If you don't expect it to happen you can try to aspire to it without getting as frustrated. You can want it to happen without expecting it to happen. You've also got to think about it from the other angle, you have something to offer to someone too, there's probably someone out there with the same aspiration, don't let them miss out on that. Yes and I feel its all going to waste!
CommitmentPhobe Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 Yes and I feel its all going to waste! Yeah I don't think you're alone in feeling like that.
Isolde Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 Maybe this sounds very simplistic, but I feel like when you change your perspective from wanting general acceptance to wanting to accept and be accepted by the RIGHT guy (yeah, there are multiple people that everyone could be compatible with, but not THAT many), things begin to make more sense.
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