saturnsfall Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 The story about I to tell you is, in one word, sad: I reconnected with an old friend of mine who I previously knew through an ex of mine. We reconnected when I went to a party at his house back in late December of this past year. I didn't go for him though, I went to see my ex who I hadn't seen for over three years. Well, we exchange numbers (not me and my ex, me and my ex's friend) We've had the most amazing, priceless few months. We're completely in sync and mesh together wonderfully. We've admitted to one another how great everything is. Well, one night he tries to kiss me. I didn't want to ruin the friendship; which I knew would happen. The next time we spent time together, it was inevitable and it was wonderful. How he touches me, so gently and loving. Words cannot describe how I feel when I lay in his arms at night and how breathless it is to wake up seeing him look at me, kiss my forehead and smile. So, this has been going on for awhile now, and we have both openly admitted our feelings for one another. He got out of a long term relationship last October as did I. When my relationship ended, I was crushed. I posted on here and I didn't know what I would do, and I didn't think I would make it out... until I stumbled across this old friend. Having said that, I'm incredibly afraid of getting hurt again. I fear so much that, I asked him where we stood. He said he doesn't know right now, and that he's not ready for a relationship yet (given he just got out of one) He said he can't give a defined answer right now, and that he doesn't want to lose me as a friend either way. He says he has some major feelings towards me. I understand how he feels, I'm just so afraid that I'm going to continue spending time with him, and end up getting hurt. He said he's not going to meet anyone else if that's what I'm afraid of (come on, that's ridiculous... isn't it?) So, basically, I told him I have feelings and I'm afraid and I don't know what to do with us and our relationship. I said I didn't think I could be his friend knowing how we feel and not knowing whether we would work towards something or not (this upset him greatly) We decided since we couldn't come to a conclusion we were both happy with and since neither one of us wants to lose the other that we would take the next couple weeks to think about it and re-group after (he's going on vacation for two weeks) I see some good in this, I see it as an opportunity for him to think and to miss me; which is a plus, and I think he will (Did I make a mistake having this conversation with him? I feel like I've lost him!) The worst part, I was offered a job in another state and I need to make a decision by next Friday. I do not know what to do and I spend every spare moment in tears because I'm so confused. How can I possibly stay here for him, on a whim that maybe, someday, we will be together? Do people do this? The thought of leaving him ties knots in my stomach and I feel nauseous. I have toyed with the idea of continuing to live here and commute everyday. This would all be for this one person who I adore so much. I lay awake at night, and I don't sleep. I truly, do not know what to do. I am at a complete loss, on a tight time line, and we're reopening this discussion in two weeks, but I will have had to made my decision by then. Someone, please... suggestions?
MeMyself&I Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 I would maybe wait as long as you can in the two weeks (if you even have a way to talk to him sooner) and let him know you respected the two-week time line but you needed to talk to him sooner. You are right in not giving up this job opportunity on a whim. You need to tell him how you feel. Let him know about the job and see how he reacts. Also, if you can stay where you are and commute (you mentioned this in your post), what's stops you from moving and you or he can commute to see the other? Also do you have a job where you are now? Is this new job a major break in your career? How far away will you be from each other? If you are unemployed and need this job, with the economy the way it is it may be hard to give it up. How long total have you known each other as friends then dated? The hard thing is it sounds like you may not be able to contact him. Do you feel comfortable contacting him if he IS on vacation and you have a way. I would not suggest this if you don't feel like you have a strong enough or long enough history for this to not seem like you are going overboard. If this relationship is fairly new it does seem like maybe you have to really decide in your mind if you have a chance. You really are in a rough situation. Hopefully other people will reply in similar situations or with more insight.
Author saturnsfall Posted February 19, 2009 Author Posted February 19, 2009 I would maybe wait as long as you can in the two weeks (if you even have a way to talk to him sooner) and let him know you respected the two-week time line but you needed to talk to him sooner. You are right in not giving up this job opportunity on a whim. You need to tell him how you feel. Let him know about the job and see how he reacts. Also, if you can stay where you are and commute (you mentioned this in your post), what's stops you from moving and you or he can commute to see the other? Also do you have a job where you are now? Is this new job a major break in your career? How far away will you be from each other? If you are unemployed and need this job, with the economy the way it is it may be hard to give it up. How long total have you known each other as friends then dated? The hard thing is it sounds like you may not be able to contact him. Do you feel comfortable contacting him if he IS on vacation and you have a way. I would not suggest this if you don't feel like you have a strong enough or long enough history for this to not seem like you are going overboard. If this relationship is fairly new it does seem like maybe you have to really decide in your mind if you have a chance. You really are in a rough situation. Hopefully other people will reply in similar situations or with more insight. We decided last night, we would talk when he gets back, he doesn't leave until next Tuesday. I did write him a short email today (just because he usually emails me 10 times a day, and it was a bit sad to not have an email from him) Part of the reason I told him how I feel is because of the job. He knows all about the job. He says ultimately, he doesn't want me to go, but if I feel I want to, then I should. His expression has dropped the few times I've mentioned it, but I try not to talk to him about it because it's a sad subject to me. The job is two hours away from where I live now. Yes, we could drive to see one another, but there's so much comfort knowing I'm a couple towns away from him rather than 2 hours. Being closer means I can see him more. Previously we knew one another for one year and now we've reconnected. So, a little over one year all together. We never dated (well, that's the issue here. Even over this past weekend, we spent the entire weekend together in such an amazing fashion, words cannot do it justice. He even made a remark as if we were dating. I think he's really afraid to be honest) I won't contact him while he's away, I typically don't do that unless there's an emergency. He'll be back, and the last thing I want to be is a pest. I want him to know I respect boundaries and I'm not overbearing as his past relationships have been. Do I think I have a chance? Given how we spend our time together, absolutely. I think I would need to hang in there. Two people cannot take such passion and replace it with friendship, can they? I wouldn't be able to.
Author saturnsfall Posted February 20, 2009 Author Posted February 20, 2009 I feel absolutely horrible. I feel like I cannot call my best friend. I feel like I've lost so much. I have no idea what he's thinking or feeling. This is not good for anyone.
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