carhill Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 A person, woman or man, who has interest expands their time to include that interest. That expansion can include a five-minute phone call. Dollars to donuts, lady #1 and GF #1 and #2 know that OP is reading FB (it is obvious in his OP) and their discourse is deceptively nonchalant, in light of her not returning his message. IMO, it's purposeful. OP, you sound like a creative guy. Take that unorthodox date idea and ask someone else out. Take the initiative. Waiting around for women (besides trying to figure them out) was the single largest mistake I made in my youth. You can do better
Tomcat33 Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 A person, woman or man, who has interest expands their time to include that interest. That expansion can include a five-minute phone call. Not everyone works at the same pace or functios equally if there was a track record of a string of incidents I might be so inclined to make a more educated assement of the situation, but as it stands right now it is one date and one cancellation WOOPDY DOO. It's not enough to go on. Dollars to donuts, lady #1 and GF #1 and #2 know that OP is reading FB (it is obvious in his OP) and their discourse is deceptively nonchalant, in light of her not returning his message. IMO, it's purposeful. That is your opinion, you are also a few decades older than these kids, you don't use FaceBook along with dating and your style of dating and interaction (as is mine) is quite different than how kids interact today. So that is your opinion. As I also have mine. I see nothing alarming so far but I find it extremely paranoid to think all these girls are conspiring against him. It's a bit much frankly.
carhill Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 Well, it seems to be the young man who has the problem with it, not me I'm suggesting an alternative perhaps more in line with what his perception of dating and relationships are, since he's have difficulty here. Let us not forget I met my wife in a similar fashion and we were using the predecessors of today's social networking sites back when a 14.4 baud modem was fast. I'm giving him advice based on my real world experiences with women in his environment. Some aspect change, such as women "hooking up" more easily and nonchalantly than they did when I was his age, but the underlying interpersonal dynamics are the same. How's your back doing?
Tomcat33 Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 I'm suggesting an alternative perhaps more in line with what his perception of dating and relationships are, since he's have difficulty here. I dunno seems counter productive to tell him to walk away after only one instance of something that doesn't match up, he has no proof of any sort of conspiracy or "playing" happening it seems like a lot of notions fabiracted in his head given a few turn of events that are somewhat unclear. But he is still very intersted in this girl. As I said before so far I don't think she did anything so wrong, something came up and she cancelled the date and wants to get together at a later time. If he walks away now he will feel like "what if" He really doesn't have much to go on to walk away now. Am I missing something but what is it that she did that was so flaky and terrible??? Do you guys honestly think that FB conversation was some big plot against him? My back is great thanks for asking Car, all systems go and back to full swing of things.
CommitmentPhobe Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 The important thing isn't her actions it's how you respond to them If you get yourself invested and have expectations of how others should act when all you're doing is setting up a date then you're going to be forever in trouble. Don't take it seriously until you meet up go out and it develops into something. And get used to it. Find something else to do..
carhill Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 My back is great thanks for asking Car, all systems go and back to full swing of thingsHey, glad to hear that. My wife suffers from lumbar disk issues and it's a real pain, in the true sense of the word.... I wish I could wave a wand and make that go away, to be sure. The thrust of my advice to the OP, perhaps delivered improperly, was to assign the relative importance to this person and dynamic that she deserves. They had a great time; he wants to ask her out on another date but she seems busy. Good on her for having a full social/school/work calendar. Perhaps another young lady would like to join him when he wants to socialize, since she's busy. Only way to know is to ask I think she has him pegged exactly right as to his importance in her social life. Now he needs to take this lesson and learn from it. OP, you're in college. Do something bold and unorthodox by, if you see a young lady who catches your eye, asking her out. This other young lady with the FB friends is still there, still alive, presumably healthy and will get back to you if and when she decides to. You have no control over her; you do have control over YOU. Good luck!
Tomcat33 Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 Hey, glad to hear that. My wife suffers from lumbar disk issues and it's a real pain, in the true sense of the word.... I wish I could wave a wand and make that go away, to be sure. Ouch that's tough,your poor wife! She is a hair dresser though correct? It is prob related to posture at work. I was afraid it might be that for me (the lumbar thing) but thank god my xrays all came out perfect, spine is looking good it was definitely a torn ligament. . Do something bold and unorthodox by, if you see a young lady who catches your eye, asking her out. This other young lady with the FB friends is still there, still alive, presumably healthy and will get back to you if and when she decides to. You have no control over her; you do have control over YOU. Good luck! I cannot disagree with that. Keep busy until the object of great interest comes around, it's the only way. If you sit by the phone/computer waiting that's when you start to fabricate a bunch of crazy stories in your head and reality takes on a whole new meaning, it becomes this uncontrollable beast. Don't do that, your mind is your own worst enemy.
carhill Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 Yep, my mind was my own worst enemy for many years. Still is, some days BTW, chiro really has helped my W, as well as a specific mattress style. Her chiro suggested something simple, like alternating feet for pumping up the chair at work, and that has really helped balance stresses. OP, hope you're still reading. LS exists because the world is full of different people with different perspectives and opinions. Hopefully, what you read will be helpful for you. It sure has helped me
Author complication Posted February 19, 2009 Author Posted February 19, 2009 I appreciate the optimism in some posts. It's currently 4:45 PM here, she's "done" at 5, and last time she called post-work she called at 6 so lets hopef for the best. if today passes by, typically a 2nd call is not worth it. Perhaps I can wait until the weekend.
BCCA Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 A person, woman or man, who has interest expands their time to include that interest. That expansion can include a five-minute phone call. I really believe this to be true. I met a girl one time, and had to work over 100 hours one week, and I found time to give her a call and set up a date, and return a few texts and an email. It really doesnt take that long to send a text or FB message. Speaking of FB, stay away from it. You're only leaving yourself with more questions than answers each time. I dunno seems counter productive to tell him to walk away after only one instance of something that doesn't match up In my entire life, I have never known anyone to act like this initially, and then change into being less flaky or more interested. By the same token, I've never had a call go unreturned, tried again, and had the second try go any differently. With that said, he made a call, and she may return it. But if not, its definitely time to let this one go. And if I had a penny for everytime a girl gave me their number, and then didnt answer or return my call I would be swimming in pennies right now. I dont mean to be so generic, but my friend...this is the way dating goes. A series of meeting people that are seemingly interested, only to discover later that they're on a different page. Eventually, you find someone and match up with them, but for how long is anyone's guess.
carhill Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 Eventually, you find someone and match up with them, but for how long is anyone's guess. LOL, that's when you die, ala "a match made in heaven"
Author complication Posted February 24, 2009 Author Posted February 24, 2009 I just have an update to this whole situation. A few days went by after I left the message, and, again, her friend even didn't get a call back. I decided to text her saying "hope you're having a good week, but i'm busy this week so if u wanna do somethin next week let me kno" and she said back immediatly "I'm sorry! it's been hectic this week and i've been rushing all over" and I said "all good. i gotta go, buddy's here, if u wanna do somethin give me a call, otherwise hav ea good week" and she said "ha ok thanks have fun" A few days, nothing. So I sent her a message on Facebook, because frankly her telling me her schedule + insisting she wanted to do something but then NOT seems odd. This is a transcript. me: i cannot believe you actually got a cake for your birthday. you should have date it after the busy week...but that's a northern life...if you're moving up there, you think you can handle that? Her: heck yea i got a cake for my half bday. hater. i can handle ny, ny ain't got nothing on me. Me: hey you barely know me and you think i'm a hater? i'm a lover. i love cake. perhaps not as much as you though lol. if you can handle NY, lets see you prove it on a bowlin alley. that is, if you're still down to lose with bumpers let me konw. no biggie either way. Her: for sure before spring break we'll go bowling. we'll get coffee or something sometime this week. i can handle ny, but i don't think my bowling skills will accurately reflect haha. and you def hated on the cake. "i can't believe you actually got a cake..." that's hatinSo...it's interesting/odd. I didn't even suggest "coffee or something". What do you guys make of this all? I kind of want to tell her , "you're pretty forthcoming, i didn't even suggest "coffee or something'. but sounds good. i didn't know if you wanted to meet up again because i didn't get a text or anything you kno? i'll call you later to set somethin up"
confused_2008 Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 I think you sound desperate and she doesn't sound all that interested. Don't send the text. I say ask her out for a specific date and time. If she is busy, ask her to pick a time right there on the phone. If she doesn't and says you can do it another time, be done with her. If she was interested, she would make time for you. As a side note, I hate facebook for communicating for someone you are interested in dating. It's so flighty and hard to take seriously. If these are wall posts, people always say "We should get together some time" or stuff along those lines on each other's walls. It makes them feel cool to show off how they have an active social life.
Author complication Posted February 24, 2009 Author Posted February 24, 2009 I think you sound desperate and she doesn't sound all that interested. Don't send the text. I say ask her out for a specific date and time. If she is busy, ask her to pick a time right there on the phone. If she doesn't and says you can do it another time, be done with her. If she was interested, she would make time for you. As a side note, I hate facebook for communicating for someone you are interested in dating. It's so flighty and hard to take seriously. If these are wall posts, people always say "We should get together some time" or stuff along those lines on each other's walls. It makes them feel cool to show off how they have an active social life. I think you should read the rest of the thread. I did not talk to her via Facebook until just now. If you don't mind, please do it and then let me know what you think?
sand26 Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 I appreciate the optimism in some posts. It's currently 4:45 PM here, she's "done" at 5, and last time she called post-work she called at 6 so lets hopef for the best. if today passes by, typically a 2nd call is not worth it. Perhaps I can wait until the weekend. just so you know bro.... girls can feel this kind of obsessive (kind of desperate) behavior. I'm not saying you are desperate, but you sure are spending way too much time analyzing someone else's actions and interpreting them. You need to stop thinking about her, you hardly know her anyway. Go out and do something else with some friends. And stop calling her names like dumb and judging her, those kind of thoughts just build a hidden wall of animosity between people. I mean geesh you have only been on one date and you are already crucifying this girl for not being at your beck and call. Honestly, and you won't want to hear this, but you are probably not ready for adult relationships, you sound kind of clingy and co-dependent, judge your own actions not hers. good luck buddy, the mfk
confused_2008 Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 Okay, I quickly reread the thread because I didn't really remember what all happened. My opinion is still she's not that interested, but that's just my opinion. I still say put her on the back burner because obsessing over her isn't going to help anything at all. If she did lose interest, it could be for so many reasons. And, you said in your first post that she wrote on your wall. Again, just my opinion, but I don't take communication like that on facebook seriously. I've read too much into it in the past and got my expectations up, only to realize it meant nothing.
Recommended Posts