2sunny Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 I think that's uncalled for... The comment is totally inappropriate. This IS someone I care about and NOT some sick a twisted fantasy as you might like others to believe. If you have nothing constructive to offer, I suggest you go elsewhere. me inappropriate? i'm just working on the facts that you typed, and i'm entitled to give my opinion based on your facts. she IS young enough to be your daughter - what is wrong with pointing out the obvious? if nothing seemed wrong then there would be no reason for you to be defensive. it wasn't a comment in judgement at all... just calling attention to the facts you typed. i care about a LOT of people in this age group, but i don't see a reason to date them. i am 4 years younger than you.
Lizzie60 Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 this part was uncalled for: while you're at it - pretend you're having sex with your daughter too. that was mean..
2sunny Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 this part was uncalled for: while you're at it - pretend you're having sex with your daughter too. that was mean.. and that is why i don't date boys in there 20's. it is worth asking if he actually thinks this is fair to her for the long run. i can appreciate your position Lizzie because you aren't trying to take these young guy's lives (and youth) away by being selfishly driven. you are up front and logical about what the dynamics of this age gap can and can not produce in a "relationship." somewhere - someone is bound to get the short end of the stick and i can only see it being the gal in this case. i'm just being realistic.
Kasan Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 This IS someone I care about and NOT some sick a twisted fantasy as you might like others to believe. So what's the problem with being yourself then? Why can't you talk about anything at all, even if it dates you? Your girlfriend knows exactly how old you are, so IMO anything should be open for discussion. Anything!!!
Kasan Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 I'm back again............... Do you have children? If so, how do they feel about this woman you are dating? How do your friends feel about your dating her? Is the age factor an issue with her? Do you take her to functions where your friends attend?
CommitmentPhobe Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 So? Age means a lot, not little. Plus I'm younger than you but seriously huge age differences are unbearable. Face it, no matter how much you say that two people love each other, huge age differences will prove decisive. Ah you're just jealous, find someone of your own and chill out.
Geishawhelk Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 and that is why i don't date boys in there 20's. it is worth asking if he actually thinks this is fair to her for the long run. i can appreciate your position Lizzie because you aren't trying to take these young guy's lives (and youth) away by being selfishly driven. you are up front and logical about what the dynamics of this age gap can and can not produce in a "relationship." somewhere - someone is bound to get the short end of the stick and i can only see it being the gal in this case. i'm just being realistic. This would be funny if it wasn't so ridiculous. I don't expect she's being led into doing anything against her will. She's an adult, and probably knows how old he is. If they're both consenting adults, the only problem is in your mind. I'm sure the discussion has drifted into such areas, but even if it hasn't, what makes you think that the only one concerned with how to make this work well, is the OP? I'm frankly astonished at how judgemental you're being.
Tomcat33 Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 I'm back again............... Do you have children? If so, how do they feel about this woman you are dating? How do your friends feel about your dating her? Is the age factor an issue with her? Do you take her to functions where your friends attend? WOAH holy Spanish Inquisition. The guy just wants to know what to talk about, how did this turn into a moral witch hunt? Anyway back on topic, she is 26 not retarded how hard can it be to make conversation with a 26 yr old woman? C'mon now!
CommitmentPhobe Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 me inappropriate? i'm just working on the facts that you typed, and i'm entitled to give my opinion based on your facts. she IS young enough to be your daughter - what is wrong with pointing out the obvious? if nothing seemed wrong then there would be no reason for you to be defensive. it wasn't a comment in judgement at all... just calling attention to the facts you typed. i care about a LOT of people in this age group, but i don't see a reason to date them. i am 4 years younger than you. He didn't start this thread talking about the horrific problems in his relationship, he only came in to ask what topics of conversation he could talk about. You don't know him, his girlfriend or what they're about. You have no right to make a judgement call and are just coming across as someone who's very sour with nothing better to do than to pick apart others.
2sunny Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 i don't think it's judgmental to want the best for a young gal and her future. logically looking at the big picture and her future - it may be cause for concern. of course they can choose what they want. if that's the case - they can discuss anything under the sun. i have some of the most fascinating conversations with family members that are in their 70's and 80's with no effort. i suppose the question remains... does she actually know your true age Tyrone?
CommitmentPhobe Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 i don't think it's judgmental to want the best for a young gal and her future. logically looking at the big picture and her future - it may be cause for concern. WTF? you have no idea who this woman is, what her circumstances are what is best for her or anything. You have no idea what the bigger picture is here and are just sticking your oar in where it's not needed.
2sunny Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 WTF? you have no idea who this woman is, what her circumstances are what is best for her or anything. You have no idea what the bigger picture is here and are just sticking your oar in where it's not needed. you may be right - point taken. my apologies.
Kasan Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 WOAH holy Spanish Inquisition. The guy just wants to know what to talk about, how did this turn into a moral witch hunt? I don't consider my questions a moral witch hunt at all................ I'm wondering why it's so hard for him to have topics to discuss.
Tomcat33 Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 I don't consider my questions a moral witch hunt at all................ I'm wondering why it's so hard for him to have topics to discuss. Fair enough. I just fail to see how this: Do you have children? If so, how do they feel about this woman you are dating? How do your friends feel about your dating her? Is the age factor an issue with her? Do you take her to functions where your friends attend? Has anything to do with the original topic question?
Tomcat33 Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 I suppose the question remains... does she actually know your true age Tyrone? Now that's a good question! It seems the OP is trying really hard to NOT to be his age which what is impeding him from having a good rapport with this woman.
Kasan Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 Has anything to do with the original topic question? Nope, it doesn't which makes you off topic too.
2sunny Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 it looks to me from the other thread you started in Dec 08 like you turned your wife in for a newer model. it's ok mainly because technically, she's not your wife. my question at this point is, did you leave your wife (common law- 11 years) before you started dating the 26 year old gal you are now seeing? on topic, you can talk with either one of them about anything and everything.
CaliGuy Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 Thanks... But I don't know where this is going. I'm well aware that our age difference has inherent problems from a long-term standpoint. However, we're just getting to know each other. It's just that the physical part moved a little faster than usual -- I've never had a more fulfilling sex life. And, why do I need to "find someone my own age"? It's common in other cultures (Europe, Asia) for older men to marry younger women -- I suppose these cultures are wrong? or (different?) Thanks northstar1 for the advise. Those sound like great suggestions. I say just be yourself. She will love you for who you are. Don't try and change yourself to fit into what you perceive she will want. She obviously liked you enough when you first met to take things to the next level just as you are, so why change the formula that has worked? You don't need to impress her. You don't need to change who you are. Just be comfortable and happy with yourself. The more you try to over think the relationship the greater the window of opportunity you will create for her feelings to change. You will make mistakes, you will become needy and clingy. Don't lose sight of who you are. Don't change. Just be the fun, carefree and happy guy she first met and the relationship will progress on it's own. The more control you try and take, the less control you will actually have. And don't bother with the nay-sayers. Hell, most of them are jealous Be proud that you still have the goods to attract someone much younger than you.
Tomcat33 Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 Nope, it doesn't which makes you off topic too. WTF!?!? I could care less what his family or friends think of him dating that girl, it was your thought own it.
chris250 Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 I personally think that the age for being considered jail-bait should be raised significantly. 18 is too young. It ought to be against the law for a 51 year old man to date a 26 year old daughter. So I don't have any advice on what you should talk to her about because I don't think you should talk to her at all. You are old enough to be her father for Christ's sakes! That fact alone should make it illegal for you to date her. If I had a 26 year old daughter living in my house and she was dating a 51 year old man I would absolutely forbid it especially if he was older than me. I could be in my 40s having a 26 year old daughter.
CommitmentPhobe Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 I personally think that the age for being considered jail-bait should be raised significantly. 18 is too young. It ought to be against the law for a 51 year old man to date a 26 year old daughter. So I don't have any advice on what you should talk to her about because I don't think you should talk to her at all. You are old enough to be her father for Christ's sakes! That fact alone should make it illegal for you to date her. If I had a 26 year old daughter living in my house and she was dating a 51 year old man I would absolutely forbid it especially if he was older than me. I could be in my 40s having a 26 year old daughter. What about if your 26 year old daughter became transsexual and started dating a 51 year old woman. What would bother you most about that scenario?
chris250 Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 What about if your 26 year old daughter became transsexual and started dating a 51 year old woman. What would bother you most about that scenario? It would bother me that the person she's dating is old enough to be a parent. It has nothing to do with her sexual preference. Being lesbian, straight or a transsexual is not the issue. There is a reason there are laws on the books about adults not being allowed to date anyone under 18. That age needs to be raised in proportion to the age difference between the 2 parties. There are serious psychological and other consequences of dating someone who is old enough to be a parent whether it's illegal or not. Where do we draw the line? Would it be ok for me to date a 75 year old woman? Would it be ok to date someone who is older than my grandmother?
Mahatma Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 If you have to come to a forum to ask people what you should talk about with someone, you two obviously do not click, or you are too worried about it not working out. Talk about what you want to talk about. If she does not enjoy it, then move on. I have always found it funny when people comment saying they do not know what to talk about with a new person. Just talk like you would to any of your friends or a past girlfriend.
2sunny Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 Just talk like you would to any of your friends or a past girlfriend. or chat with her about things you would normally discuss with your wife. does she know you have a common law wife?
CommitmentPhobe Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 IWould it be ok for me to date a 75 year old woman? Yes it would Because you're old enough to make your own decisions and live with the consequences. That's where the line is drawn. That's why the cut off point is 18 because that's when people are considered adults. You cannot legislate to nanny adults, although I wouldn't be surprised if that is where everything goes anyway, because around every corner there's always a vocal do-gooder that thinks they know what's best for everyone else.
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