TheBigQuestion Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 Hey everyone, thanks ahead of time for reading. I have known this girl as a somewhat distant acquaintance through a mutual friend for a long time now. I have always been attracted to her to some degree, but she was in a relationship up until this past November. We didn't get to see each other much so I didn't think much of it. About a month ago we were at a party together and got to talking, and we started making out for a short time. We were already friends on facebook and over the next few weeks we spent a good amount of time talking on over the internet and on the phone and so forth, and also went on a few "dates" a few times where our rapport seemed very good and we got along great. She's very attractive, intelligent, and we share MANY common interests. A combination of those 3 is not something I come across often on this university's campus, so I'm naturally a lot more infatuated with her than I would be with anyone else. Things got physical again this past sunday (I guess 2nd-base-ish is a good way to describe it), but I don't plan on moving it any further for a while. There's a lot of things that I interpret to be good indicators that we could eventually have something long-term. She stays interested in conversations even when what I'm talking about isn't particularly exciting, she often starts more conversations/calls/texts before I do, awkward silences are relatively rare, she's always finding somewhat indirect ways to say she likes me, she agreed to see me at the drop of a hat and didn't seem to mind being made late for work as a result, and we've already gotten physical on three separate occasions. That's the good stuff. The bad stuff is that she's only about 3 months removed from a long-term relationship. Our mutual friend has told us that as a general rule, she has a lot of baggage due to always having a need to be in a relationship and starting them for the wrong reasons. He has also told me that he's under the impression that she isn't looking for a relationship at the moment (a contradiction, or maybe she's learning?), and by all accounts she probably shouldn't be. I also know that she's been casually dating/messing around with at least one other guy. So I guess my problem is the following. She clearly wants me to be more than a friend, at least slightly more than a friend with benefits (I've done that before, and known others who have, and those relationships NEVER get into the length and depth of conversation and connection that we have), but she's probably not exactly sure if it ought to go anywhere beyond that. Although it's still early, I'm pretty sure my goal is for it to be long-term. I'm stuck in a position where it's still too early for me to talk about what the "future" should hold, but I still want to hold her attention long enough so that we can discuss that without putting her in an uncomfortable situation. In other words, are there any surefire signs that would indicate "Hey, I may not have really wanted a relationship, but now that you came along, I'm seriously considering it!"? I understand that this is kind of a complicated question (either that or I'm just being way too rational for my own good), but the advice I need is just some general do's and don'ts for the next few weeks/months. I'd operate under the assumption that she "isn't looking" a relationship, but I've always found that to be pretty ambiguous. I wasn't actively "looking" for a relationship either, but I'm quite struck by her and am now seriously considering it. A lot of people who for whatever reason (good or bad) claim to be avoiding relationships end up pursuing one when they feel they've found someone worth holding onto, even in the wake of a lot of baggage or other such things. So I guess what I'm looking for is just to see if what I've got so far sounds like it's on the right track, that the signs of attraction/attachment that she gives me and the good times we've had together so far, outweigh the baggage and the somewhat flaky nature, and so forth. And also any general tips on how to make sure I don't put a hole in this somewhat delicate situation. Thanks a lot!
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