osu5920 Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 I've been dating this girl for approximately 1.5 months. We were "talking" for probably a month prior to that. We met because we are in the same major at my University. I thought things were going well. We started off just going on dates on Friday or Saturday nights. Over time, we moved to adding lunches during the week and seeing or talking to each other every day. Currently, we talk daily on the phone and see each other almost daily. We're both in Graduate school so we're both pretty busy. About two weeks ago, she invited me to her parents. It took me by surprise, but she told me that her family is very casual and wouldn't think much of it. After talking to her about it for a while, she flat out told me she wanted me there. So, I decided to go. It was fun and went well from my perspective. (this will be important later) For Valentines, I took her out on a dinner date and we went and saw a Ballet at the theater. The evening was great. We went back to her place and started to make out (we've not had sex), all of the sudden she stopped and told me she had to tell me something. She proceeds to tell me that she broke up with her old boyfriend about 4 months ago, and that they had been together for quite a while. Several years I surmised. I was somewhat aware of this, but it had never seemed an issue. Apparently, she stumbled across a new photo of him on Facebook with his new girlfriend and it made her upset. She told me that she saw this and was upset to see him with someone else, but not because she wanted to be with him. (She dumped him by the way.) She also said she wasn't quite sure what that meant. She reiterated several times that she had not been in contact with him (I believe this). Additionally, she told me that, although she was excited about me meeting her parents, it was quite awkward for her. Finally, she told me that she liked the idea of us dating but wasn't quite sure about the "boyfriend" word yet. I guess I had thought we were heading in that direction too, though I too would characterize our relationship as just dating. Basically, she just said she's confused. She said she wants to stay with me because she sees a future in us. She repeated that several times. But, she's also scared that she's confused and wanted me to know because she felt like she should let me know. This all was a bit shocking to me because I thought things had been going well. I told her that I wanted to stick around and see how things go. I told her that, although talking about her ex is hard, it's a part of her that made her who she is today. And the person she is today is the person I like. It's all part of the package so to speak. I also told her I was glad she told me because I want to maintain a standard of honesty. I encouraged her to share things with me in the future if she needed to. She was very concerned about how I felt about all of it. We were lying in each others arms on the sofa just talking, and she suddenly hugged me and said "I want you to know I'm here to help you too". That's the type of person she is... very caring. It's part of why I like her. I've dated a lot. And I got a very good feeling from this one. we're both 24 and not exactly looking for marriage, but on the lookout for prospects. She's a good prospect. I'm confused about what to do. My friends say dump her because she's probably not over her ex. I'm not really a quitter. I think we can work on it and see it through. In fact, she told me today she feels so much better about things because we talked about it. She said she feels closer. I don't know what I feel. It kinda feels like the rug got pulled out from under me. I wanna stick with it, but I also want to do what's healthy for me. Any ideas? Thanks for reading if you made it this far!
Viking Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 Hang in there! That's about all I can say. She felt that she trusts you enough to tell you her insecurities. Don't go all flippant and make her regret her decision to tell you. On a side note, take it at an easy pace so she doesn't feel all caught up in the moment and pressured to do anything, say anything or feel anything other than what she wants to do/say/feel. The ball is in your court because of her openness. Don't throw it out just because it's not bouncing right. The ball needs to be pumped up a little and put to good use and she needs to be shown that you can help her not necessarily "get over" her ex, but show her that she doesn't need to think of him. Good luck. Keep asking questions. Works for me. Oregon State eh?
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