Prim&proper Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 So I went to see that movie He's just not that into you this weekend (3 days after breakup) and it made me so mad. The whole movie is all about how women are socialized to believe that they are the exception and not the rule when it comes to men and love. Well, the ending was mostly happy thereby stressing that indeed we are each an exception when really we all can't be exceptions. Anyway, it's made me now hope that my ex will realize his mistake and come running back. (synopsis of breakup: ex broke up with me 3 times, this last time he says he love me but doesn't feel the heads over heels, walk on air, love feeling with me). Why do I keep hoping that he'll miss me enough and realize how much we are right for each other and come back? I know this only happens in the movie, but darn it, I can't get that hope out of my mind. Do you still feel the hope even though you know it's not possible?
SYL Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 I love this movie -- it was just light fun and a good laugh... I must've been in the mood for it because it's not normally my type of movie. Feeling hope? Initially... But as you recover and gain strength, you find the ability to dissect the relationship and realize that it really is not meant to be. Grieving is a process... This might be helpful (no, I didn't write it myself but 'borrowed' it from the web because it's good): Stages of Grief After a Loss There are 5 stages of grief that we go through when we experience a loss. I'll list them for you, in case you don't know them. Except for the first and last stages, these do not necessarily occur in this order. The first stage is shock / denial. This is the initial 'I can't believe this is happening' stage. You may think or feel things like, 'Maybe we'll get back together.' Or, 'This can't be over.' The second stage is depression. In this stage you feel the sadness and pain associated with the loss. You may eat and sleep too much or too little, have crying spells, have little energy, and lose interest in things you usually enjoy. The third stage is bargaining. In this stage you may be thinking 'Maybe if I/s/he had done______, then we would still be together.' Or, 'Maybe if I/s/he will do______, we can make it work.' The fourth stage is anger. You may be angry with him / her, yourself, or both of you. Thoughts and feelings such as, 'How dare s/he ______?' Or, 'S/He has really made a fool of me.' The final stage is acceptance. In this stage you finally let go and start moving on. Bear in mind that this is normal and necessary in healing. Many people get involved in other relationships right away to avoid working through these stages. That is why rebounds hardly ever work out in the long run... You may go through each stage more than once. So if you are angry right now, that doesn't mean that you won't be again. There is no set time limit on grieving. It takes as long as it takes. Recognizing what you're feeling and what stage you're in can help you get through it better.
BCCA Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 Anyway, it's made me now hope that my ex will realize his mistake and come running back. The first step would be 'realizing' he's made the mistake, which he may not ever do, because it may not be a mistake to him. I know we all want the fairy tale ending, but it seriously never happens. Hoping against hope to be the luckiest person on earth hasn't worked out well for many gamblers over the years. I've been in your shoes, and the sooner you just give up hope, the sooner you'll start healing. The premise of the movie is the way the dating world goes. You know in your mind whether someone is interested or not, but you hope against all odds with your heart to be the exception to the rule.
LostLamb Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 So I went to see that movie He's just not that into you this weekend (3 days after breakup) and it made me so mad. The whole movie is all about how women are socialized to believe that they are the exception and not the rule when it comes to men and love. Well, the ending was mostly happy thereby stressing that indeed we are each an exception when really we all can't be exceptions. Anyway, it's made me now hope that my ex will realize his mistake and come running back. (synopsis of breakup: ex broke up with me 3 times, this last time he says he love me but doesn't feel the heads over heels, walk on air, love feeling with me). Why do I keep hoping that he'll miss me enough and realize how much we are right for each other and come back? I know this only happens in the movie, but darn it, I can't get that hope out of my mind. Do you still feel the hope even though you know it's not possible? My break-up was complicated. I wouldn't mind going back in time so I could date my ex again but I don't sit here thinking it will happen. The sad thing is the more I talk to new men (very rare) the more I realise what I lost. Hollywood films are tripe! Go and watch a French film as they are more realistic about love:)
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