monkeymaid Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 Ok, so ive read a lot of the threads on this board for the last 2 months, and there is soo much good cathartic info flying around and knowledgable people to offer good advice. long story short ...i am looking for the way back into her heart. ...i did the breaking up and i want her back BAD!!!here is the scenario i work for exs parents (they own 2 businesses and i work at her moms she works at her dads) ex and i broke up 2 months ago (she gave me the ultimatum, i bitched out and agreed to it, then 2 days later she ****ed up bad and i told her no more) we txtd every so often after a week of nc her gramps in a nother country died, so i picked up all of her dads shifts and ended up working with her. it was all flirty and sexual tension was obvious. then i told her that when her parents get back we shouldnt see eachother for a long time she said ok. one night we flirted and i went to her house, almost smashed but a coworker had to pick somehting up so no go i apologized for what i did, my shortcomings, my part in the breakup, wished her well, and basically took all of the heat. she then yelled at me saying whats gonna be different, etc... 8 days later she called me at 1 am but i ignored it she texted methe next 3 days in a row. i finally answered her text, and we talked about farting, and the moon, and bs'd. i mentioned to her that she had a thermal of mine and she told me to come get it. then she told me she might be going out and she will text me, then i got a text asking if i was home and i wasnt so i told her i really just wanted to tell her something face to face ....i really just wanted to explain to her that we should seriously not talk or see each other till we could get our heads screwed on right. she took it as me telling her to go **** herself so i left it alone. she wanted to argue 2 weeks later i was talking to her mom about some stuff we should do at work and she told me to talk to my ex about it. so i called her, and she thought it was an emergency. boom! another 1 am call (2 actually) i called her back the next day, explained why i had called, and that was it. 2 days later was valentines day. i left a card at her work, and asked her to go hiking. and she accepted at first, then said its a bad idea, then yelled at me more, and told me no. at 10:30pmshe texted me, after her best friend left her house, and i went over there and we ended up having sex. as soon as i showed up it was as if nothing was ever wrong. we laughed and played etcc... after sex we talked and held eachother she was soo affectionate (little kisses, hugs, wiping stuff from my face, brought me some cookies she made) she told me shefelt good. the next morning, she called me and said she thinks we had closure sex (what is that btw? does it exist?) i was cool about it said ok, and laughed a little. i told her i could try to entertain the idea for about 5 mins. ....she said we could be friends now, and would have to control our attraction towards each other. what the hell is going on here? her bday is friday and her sister who is throwing her a surprise party invited me to it (because everyone at work got invited), and im not sure if i shoudl go or what. ....i know the issues revolving around our breakup and am seeing a psychologist for them. how can i get her back. ....i actually dont mind either way because if shes gonna be happy, i can find happiness too, but i mean how do i do this??? sorry if this is such a long read.ask if you need more info or are confused.
Author monkeymaid Posted February 19, 2009 Author Posted February 19, 2009 anyone?? please!!! im so lost. im starting to lose sleep again over this, and i really want to make this work. ive cried thinking about the hurt i caused and how hurt i am, but i know the problems and know how to fix them, i just dont know how to get the opportunity to show her without watching her date other guys. ...we were friends for 5 years before, and its just not enough to be just that. right from the start of our friendship there was something there, but she was taken and i was moving aways, then i was taken and she moved away, then blah blah blah and wow, did i **** up royally by breaking up with her. ...my mommy stuff and her ex boyfriend stuff clashed, but my mommy stuff is going away fast with help from a psych and i dont want to add to her ex stuff. i cant believe im even typing this, but i still love her. i just want to know if i can just attract her back, or do i talk it out, which women dont seem to trust words, but they do trust how they feel. ...i dont know aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!
Geishawhelk Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 Nope. Not going to work. You two have issues and agendas, and unless you can be mature and not compete in a relationship, it's not going to work. I think the adage "never go back" is an appropriate one. I'm afraid you need to get over it, move on and let things go. Sorry, but there you are.
Author monkeymaid Posted February 19, 2009 Author Posted February 19, 2009 that makes sense. i dont have any more excuses for myself, ...loves a bitch thank you for responding. ...ive thought this before, but am having a tough time sifting through allof my thoughts and seeing which ones suitmy logical brain and my desires at the same time. opinions, advice any positive or negative comments are more than welcome. ...thank you geishe and mary
CaliGuy Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 I still can't figure out what the question is!
Author monkeymaid Posted February 19, 2009 Author Posted February 19, 2009 how do i get her back? ...what is the process to get her to come back? She says she wants to be friends and activity partners, and she misses hanging out with me, but thats all she wants even though we have openly admitted to being still attracted to one another. she says it will go away, and we are going to have to control it till it does. so my questions are: how do i get her to date me exclusively again? what can i do to get her to open up to the idea of "us" again? should i be her friend for now? do i go to her surprise birthday party tomorrow night? and will it help us be together if i go or dont go?
carhill Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 Drama queen Don't go to the party and don't be her friend. Trust me I take credit cards
Author monkeymaid Posted February 20, 2009 Author Posted February 20, 2009 right. ...no games, just truth. . ....really?? honestly? arent i supposed to elicit emotions from her?? isnt there suppoesed to be a push pull going on?? to be completely honest, marys response would work if i were the one in my exes position, but im a guy and i honestly dont know of any woman at any age that would ge for that unless they are married and there husbands ****ed up. i would love the reasoning behind this answer mary please please please explain!! (serious) as it just doesnt make sense to me how that could work. either way im not going to the party. my buds are taking me snowboarding instead, and my therapist has told me to do what i think might be right, and we will talk about the long term outcomes next week as i only need to worry about 1 life for now. man all of these responses are so helpful and from different points of view, and i am starting to see with perspective this whole thing from beginning to end ...well at least the present (like 5 years ago to now).thank you everyone, this is rather cathartic. caliguy, im in your exes shoes, but being less at fault, and i promise you shes hurting. but think about it...do you really want a whiny needy girl to come crawling back to you?? you say you have girls lining up, but youre still entertaining her. why? u still love her? oh, and its cash on delivery!
diskey23 Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 just dont act desperate, dont talk about feelings, make sure she doesnt think you'll take her back in a second but also dont make it look like youre bitter as hell about the situation. if you cant handle that, & im serious, then go NC. thats what most people on here will tell you anyway.
Author monkeymaid Posted February 22, 2009 Author Posted February 22, 2009 ok, so i followed a little bit of everyones advice. heres the story! so i work with her parents and we must be amicable towards each other, and i want her back, so i get her a book from a writer she loves, and inside i put a little note that said "dont open till after your party" and left it where she would find it. inside the envelope was another envelope that said "i told you not to open this till later" and inside of that was a note that said "i knew you wouldnt be able to wait, so go talk to **** and she will give you the real note" ...now i know this was playing games, but she loved it and thought it was funny as hell so i actually got points for creativity. the real note said "happy birthday blah blah blah, i had to go snowboarding cuz conditions are epic, have a good one yadda yadda" and left it at that. she responded through text, asked where i was, if i was coming, i got the note, thanks for the book etc... i actually couldnt respond till midnight as i was in the mountains. so i went overt there at midnight and surprised her and she was with her girlfriends and someother people (mom dad etc..) and we ended up doing yoga, gymnastics, capoeira etc.. her friends were actually helping me out. i couldnt believe it. i left while i was still exciting, and it bummed everyone out, but she walked me to my car,i got that funny "im still in love with you " look, we had a long hug, and she kissed me told me i was a **** and she hated me (while smiling) and kissed me again. then we just stood outside for a minute and asked why i was such a **** and what it was that made me show up at midnight. we had a mini relationship talk, and i told her we can open up to each other slowly again, and now that we can both see what happened we will both take responsibilities for ourselves in this relationship whatever it turns out to be. it looks like i might be getting her back:love: thanks to a mixture of your advice and my feelings and thoughts. thank you to every one here. ...if you have any more advice on what to watch out for or pitfalls in renewing a relationship i am all ears. i want this to work more than ive ever wanted anything in my life so im all ears!! thank you thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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