Mahatma Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 *I posted this here, instead of the "infidelity" section because mostly I wanted to survey everyone, not just people who have come out and admitted it or been a victim of it* In my sociology class today, we were given a statistic that almost 50% of men have engaged in extramarital sex at least once and 35% of women have had extramarital sex. I had a hard time swallowing this. This statistic keeps rising too. This scares me. At the moment, I am 19 and have never wanted to cheat or thought of it. I have never been in a situation though where my wife became uninterested in sex or anything, so I can not say how I would react then, but I would like to assume that I still would feel the same way I do now, and that is that it is a horrible betrayal. Do you guys think this statistic is high? Low? Correct? Do half of your married guy friends mess around? Do over a third of the married women you know do it? I would hate to think that is the reality. That is horrible. Anyways, talk to me.
LostLamb Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 I've never been married or cheated in a relationship. The more I read/hear about people's relationships the more I think most people cheat. Such a sad world we live in
Heroic Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 I do not know one man who has had an affair.....and men can't shut their mouths about a hot piece of leg they get.
crostover99 Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 All though my wife and I are seperating, neither of us have ever gone outside of our relationship. I myself being who I am will remain loyal to my vows and will not date or remarry, unless it is to her. however that being side I know 3 married couples very well. In two of these both partners have engaged in sex with others, while the third have remained loyal. That number to me is low, I think it is probably 50% for either sex, in just the couples I know each gender is 66%.
Lizzie60 Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 I think it's wwwaaayyy too low.. I would say more like, realistically, somewhere around 90% of men and 40% of women. First, I don't believe in survey... people might lie on those.. plus if they 'surveyed' only married couple.. what about common-law couples.. they're probably not counted but should... IMO. And I would even say that given the opportunity and knowing their partner would NEVER find out.. it's more like 99% of all men..
Lizzie60 Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 I do not know one man who has had an affair.....and men can't shut their mouths about a hot piece of leg they get. I sooo disagree.. I would say that most men do NOT tell anyone.. not even their best friend..
fral945 Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 I would think it is accurate, though it is probably low (as likely there will be some people afraid to admit the truth). I honestly doubt it is rising or any higher than in the past. I think it is just more reported than in the past because people are a bit more open and honest nowadays (generally speaking) and not quite as afraid to speak their minds or admit those types of things. Hookers have been around forever, we are just starting to hear more publicly about them in the news (especially with respect to our representatives in Washington). Even the history channel ran a special on prostitutes during the Civil War recently. It was amazing to me to hear how so many of the generals had harems of hookers and how much cheating and sleeping around went on even back then. I don't think a majority of people go into relationships intending to cheat, but life circumstances and human fallibility come into play. I know quite a few older guys that have admitted to me (in passing or directly) that they have cheated on their wives while married. I would guess a lot of them would never admit it to me, so that 50% statistic is probably low for men as a whole. Hell, even my own grandpa did during WWII (though I didn't learn about that until I was much older). That kinda shocked me, but as I've gotten older, I'm coming to believe more and more that it was probably fairly common back then. It's just that time tends to make people forget about the bad and remember the good (i.e., romanticizing the past).
Lizzie60 Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 I honestly doubt it is rising or any higher than in the past. I have to disagree with this... cheating is on the rise.. especially for women.. and it will rise again.. Years ago.. women used to stay at home.. therefore they had less chance to meet other men.. Nowdays.. most women are working outside.. then more men meet more new women on a daily basis.. More women out there = more women cheating.. More women out there = more men cheating... more to choose from... And I'm not talking about the 'venue' of the Internet.. which is a new way of making it easier to cheat.. a lot of A start on the Internet.. We didn't have that 30 years ago..
fral945 Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 You may be right, Lizzie. Of course, you would know better than most of us anyway..........
Lizzie60 Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 You may be right, Lizzie. Of course, you would know better than most of us anyway.......... Non..non.. non... I don't know better than most.. but you have to agree with my points though..
quankanne Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 statistics only reveal what information people are willing to share, as do polls, and many times the questions don't reflect what people honestly believe. polls and stats can be made to reflect whatever point you're trying to make, IMO. I don't doubt that the number of marriages impacted by affairs is going up, but then again, who is doing the poll on fidelity to compare numbers? other thought is, not everybody subscribes to the "screw whoever you want if it makes you feel good" mentality; there ARE a large number of people who "get" loyalty and fidelity as it pertains to a relationship, but what fun is it to talk about THAT?
carhill Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 None of my male friends have admitted to extra-marital sexual affairs. One of my female friends has. I've never had sexual relations with someone other than my marital partner, nor with a committed person (married or in a relationship) when I was single. Yuk, that sounds sad The rest of the world appears to have much more fun....
Holding-On Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 Wait.. wouldn't "extra-marital" include situations where both spouses agreed to it? outside the marital bond does not necessarily = cheating/infidelity.
LostLamb Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 Yuk, that sounds sad The rest of the world appears to have much more fun.... I think it is sad that people think the only way to find excitement is to cheat on someone. Surveys can't be believed but with so many divorces and break-ups I am surprised that anyone keeps it in their pants!
mark982 Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 well if both spouses agree to it, it's not cheating.
sxyNYCcpl Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 Gee, it's enough to make one wonder if sexual monogamy is really the right way to go.
Mr. Lucky Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 I think it's wwwaaayyy too low.. I would say more like, realistically, somewhere around 90% of men What a ridiculous assertion. 90% ??? Come on... Mr. Lucky
Author Mahatma Posted February 19, 2009 Author Posted February 19, 2009 Lizzie, I highly doubt 99% of men would cheat on their spouse if there was no chance of her knowing. But I will also add that whatever number it really is, you would need to include the female statistic too. I guarantee females are right up there with the men. At my college, I have seen far more girls cheating than guys. I am sure guys are still probably higher, because we are more driven by sex, but some girls seem to feel empowered by cheating. It is really sickening to see what goes on with so many people here. If my spouse cheated on me just the betrayal alone would end the relationship. But then what about STDs? Especially here at my college where everyone cheats, we are one of the highest ranked colleges in the country for STDs. When you get married, you should not have to worry about who your spouse is having sex with. I would be so angry at my spouse for even that.
Geishawhelk Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 Gee, it's enough to make one wonder if sexual monogamy is really the right way to go. Only the couple concerned can decide that. It's certainly not natural..... We're not hard-wired to be monogamous. We're conditioned. There's a difference. There's always swinging, or partner-swapping.... Known as inter-marital extracourse.....
sxyNYCcpl Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Only the couple concerned can decide that. It's certainly not natural..... We're not hard-wired to be monogamous. We're conditioned. I agree 100%, though the OP was speaking to societal trends, not a specific person so there is no "couple" here to decide anything. I've said before on these very boards that the fact our message that "monogamy is the only right way" and perhaps more importantly "good girls don't" is ultimately not only the exact opposite of what we should be teaching, but is also the cause of a good many of our societies dysfunctional relationships with our own sexuality.
Geishawhelk Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 OK, I should have said - "Only individuals can decide that..." But I was considering that the only people who would logically make a conscious and determined decision to remain monogamous would be people involved with one SO - that is, a couple.....
Author Mahatma Posted February 24, 2009 Author Posted February 24, 2009 I think a good point has been raised. I have seen many swinging places near where I live. I think swinging has become more popular. I should bring that up in class if it gets discussed again. More couples than I thought consider swinging alright.
2sure Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 I think the stats you have posted are low. I think they are higher for women than is reported. As to your shock and dismay, consider this: The stats for divorce are still at approx 50%. People get divorced, usually for a damn good reason. infidelity is often one of those reasons, but so is domestic violence, endless bickering, financial difficulties, etc. The rate of divorce should be cause for pause and concern possibly. I simply point out that infidelity is no more of a "given" than other deal breakers. By the way Swinging is an activity a couple does together - ideally or presumably to enhance their "fun factor". It isnt cheating. If a partner has a proclivity to cheat - it will NOT be abated by swinging.
Author Mahatma Posted February 24, 2009 Author Posted February 24, 2009 By the way Swinging is an activity a couple does together - ideally or presumably to enhance their "fun factor". It isnt cheating. If a partner has a proclivity to cheat - it will NOT be abated by swinging. Swinging is extra-marital sex. Extra-marital sex is what we are speaking about. Cheating is also encompassed by extra-marital sex.
2sure Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 [quote=Mahatma;2051877 This scares me. At the moment, I am 19 and have never wanted to cheat or thought of it. I have never been in a situation though where my wife became uninterested in sex or anything, so I can not say how I would react then, but I would like to assume that I still would feel the same way I do now, and that is that it is a horrible betrayal. No, you asked specifically about cheating an betrayal. Your welcome.
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