amzn420 Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 I have been married for 4 years but with my husband for 8 years. Last month, he told me that he wants to separate and possibly divorce. At first I was shocked but after numerous conversations, I realize that he has been suffering for a long time. My husband is the type of person that puts others before himself - especially me. He has always tried to help me through everything. Because of this, he neglected himself and was neglected by me. I always viewed him as "having it all together" and didn't think to ask if he needed me. He has suffered in silence with this until now and feels that we should be apart. I know that I depend on him more than I should, which makes this even more difficult. However, I have agreed to separate because I know we cannot continue to live this way. He feels that I need to show my strength and be on my own for the first time in my life. Before I lived with him, I lived at home with my parents and have never been on my own. Although this is a difficult time, I am trying to find the strength and faith in myself that I can do this. Another factor in this is the fact that I was not able to express my emotions to him. I've always told him that I love him, but I've never been able to express my true emotions. Now that this has happened, it has opened the door to this side of me that I never knew was there. I wrote him a letter expressing how I truly feel about him. I thanked him for always being by my side and expressed how lucky I am to have had him in my life for the past 8 years. He called me and said that it was so beautiful and that he's been waiting for that from me for so long. He said that in the next few months, we are going to start to get to know each other again. The separation is still going to happen, but I am hoping that we do not go down the road to divorce. This situation is probably a good experience for me but I do not want to lose him from my life. I'm trying to take it one day at a time, but I am overwhelmed with fear and sadness right now. I know that this is going to take time but I am afraid that I may have lost him forever. Has anyone been through something like this? If so, does anyone have any advice for my situation? I would really appreciate it.
in a daze Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 first off, sorry to hear about your situation. your story as are a lot of stories here is exactly the same as mine. my wife held everything in and always put hereself last. i have been separated for 2 plus weeks. the one BIG mistake i have made( amd still make at times) was not stepping bak and giving my wife time to breath. the letter was great but constant bombardment on how you can change and hgow the relationship will work etc. will only make things WORSE. many ,people on this great site have told me this. our counselor has told me this and my friends have told me this. i still want to call her now and plead my case, but i have learned to back off and go day by day. good luck and take care of yourself and everything else has a much better chance of falling into place.
Author amzn420 Posted February 18, 2009 Author Posted February 18, 2009 Thanks for your reply. My letter to him was actually not a plea to keep the relationship going. I just felt that I have no reason to hold back so I just poured my soul out to him. I know that years of pain cannot be repaired overnight. I guess I'm just hoping that in the future we will we be together.
suzanne2009 Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 You have to give him space. It sounds to me like you two probably have a pretty good shot of making it work, it you are both willing to put in the time and effort required to fix it. Maybe you should sugegst counseling. That could at least get you on the right track.
mark982 Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 that your husband loved your letter is a good sign. shame you couldn't of done it sooner though.it's gonna take time, give some space, i wish you the best.
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