Deus_Ex_Machina Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 Hello all, NOTE: This is a bit long but I would appreciate people who would really put insight and for MATURE people only. I don't want silly little banter and one-liner sentences. Only mature people who can elaborate.Thank you very much. Well this is your typical boyfriend-girlfriend situation. To be honest actually she's not even my girlfriend at the moment and for right now we're not together but we're working on getting back together. The reason for this is because for 3 months she cheated on me and I knew; I know it sounds stupid but I let it happen to see how truthful she can be and to see how long she can keep up her lie. During this time she swore up-and-down that she wasn't cheated on me and said outrageous things such as she'll "Kill herself" to prove she's not lying. She was so good at convincing herself that she was not a liar that she put on an academy award winning act. She cried her heart and tears out, she got self-destructive with herself and even destructed property to go to far-lengths to try and convince herself she wasn't cheating. She was so good in fact that if I hadn't found out for 3 months prior, I would've felt totally bad and believed her. However, she lied through her teeth, lied in front of me, looked me in my eyes and said she was NEVER doing anything. I kept track of the relationship she had with the other boy. I kept track and got suspicious because I heard rumors from other friends that she was dating/messing with someone else and when I confronted her she became overly defensive and I also noticed she mentioned him quite a lot. Throughout this time I found pictures of them and e-mails from them confessing their love for each other. At the same time she also confessed her love for me. I honestly knew deep down she loved me and she did get a tattoo of my name on her arm amongst other things. To make a long story short; the straw that broke the camels back came when this past Sunday she said she'll be spending time with her friend "Jane" who of course was supposed to be a girl. She said she'll be going to a party and sleeping over her house Sunday and then go to school with her Monday. This prompted me to do some more research and not-to-my-surprise she was with him this whole time and of course slept over his house. The next day I confronted her about it and we had a long argument of course. She tried playing reverse psychology on me calling me a stalker and saying I never trusted her. The problem is I gave her a lot a of trust and she left me with plenty of suspicions and was never honest with me. She also lied right in my face for such a long time. To get to the point she finally did her grammy winning performance and cried herself to shreds off and apologized. Of course she felt guilty (which she should) but the next day she just acted as if nothing happened and everything is okay just because I said I'm willing to give her a 2nd and final chance. Not to sound egotistical but this is killing me and I feel like I'm being too nice. I put a lot of effort and time and even lost some missed opportunities just so I can be with her and help her out with things in her life. I thought I learned my lesson the first time and now I feel I need to kind of "threaten" her and let her know how much she really hurt me. I personally don't think she really understands the gravity of the situation nor do I think she really knows our relationship can be on an impending doom (not too sound dramatic). I put her on too high of a pedal-stool and now I think she needs to know not to mess with my feelings. So what I want to do is give her an ultimatum. I know it sounds silly but I was going to tell her she has 2 days to call me (Up untill 12AM Friday night/Saturday morning) and 2 days to really think about what her real feelings are for me, if she wants truly wants another shot with me and to think about who she loves more me are the other dude and to also really know how much she hurt me. If she fails to call me by that time I will just permanently end it with her and we're through and done. Its my way are the highway. So what are your thoughts on this? Thanks again everyone.
Geishawhelk Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 I apologise if you wanted reams and reams of eloquent responses, but really they're not necessary. I completely fail to understand your motives in playing these mind-games, but can only conclude they somehow make you feel a bit self-righteous and superior. You have a choice: Either let her continue to cheat, and tell her that you know, and give a damn - or: Don't bother playing games and give her an ultimatum. Just kick her to the kerb, dump her and go no contact. You're both a real pair, you know that?
moman Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 Don't waste your time. Call her and tell her that she needs to look up "Laser tattoo removal" because you are history. Anyone who can lie to you, even when you are giving her a chance to be honest does not love you. Good luck.
Author Deus_Ex_Machina Posted February 18, 2009 Author Posted February 18, 2009 I apologise if you wanted reams and reams of eloquent responses, but really they're not necessary. I completely fail to understand your motives in playing these mind-games, but can only conclude they somehow make you feel a bit self-righteous and superior. You have a choice: Either let her continue to cheat, and tell her that you know, and give a damn - or: Don't bother playing games and give her an ultimatum. Just kick her to the kerb, dump her and go no contact. You're both a real pair, you know that? Hhhmm. Usually I would want to smack someone like you that has an nasty response, however you might be right. I actually don't feel too superior and feel more like an idiot for even giving her the time of day but on the other hand I do want to make her feel like a zero since I pretty much let it happened. To be honest I just don't want to end our relationship. We both had an amazing relationship before all this happened and I still do feel in love with her but been put into this situation before and I just don't want to feel like a loser while she goes on with someone she's only known for 3 months and we've known each other for 2 years 1/2 years. I want to give her another chance and the only way I think I can really see and feel if she loves me is if I make her feel bad (which I don't want to do) or if do this ultimatum.
Lucky_One Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 You busted her in a three month affair. If she truly loves you and is truly repentent, then she is hurting enough by her own actions and by the facts that she put a great relationship at risk and hurt the man she loves. She wouldn't NEED anyone to make her hurt, because she would be in great pain already. The fact that she doesn't seem to be feeling pain or remorse is pretty telling.
Dexter Morgan Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 Deus, Yes, I'd give her an ultimatum if I were you and it would go like this: "you have two choices, either get out of my face........or get out of my face....take your pick".
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