vanilla87 Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 Okay so I wanna know, is it possible for life long friends, male and female, to ever just stay friends? If so what is the major secret? If not, then do either party move on to being more then friends (i.e.-dating, etc...) or is there a falling out and the friendship fails? Or do you think is just a bull theory? I wanna know what everyone thinks....
Geishawhelk Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 Yes... Flirt if you want to, but just don't have sex. if you both feel like having sex, and carry through, then it's no longer just 'friendship' is it?
prettybaby Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 Why don't you tell us your exact situation? That would be easier than us throwing some general answers around.
Trialbyfire Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 If so what is the major secret? The secret is the individuals involved and how they view each other. Also, if one develops a crush, not to act like it's the end of the world. Crushes will pass with time, as long as you're both balanced individuals.
yeex Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 Well I have been friends with a girl for over 15 years. I have no attraction towards her whatsoever. I think of her more like a guy friend. Sometimes I have felt she was somewhat attracted to me but I keep my distance and make sure she knows subtly that I will not go there. Who knows, that might be my imagination. Either way we are still good friends. I am not clear on your situation though. Do you have a friend that you want more from or is it the opposite?
Isolde Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 I guess the main thing would be to decide what's more important, trying out dating or staying friends. If it seems like a relationship would be great, then I don't see why friends needs to wait for a mutual crush to pass. If on the other hand it's one sided, TBF is right, it usually does fade with time. But sometimes residual feelings never go away completely and that's why the friendship may suffer. Another thing that might help is both being really, really ugly and/or doing gross things around each other like farting that are not conducive to romantic thoughts.
BCCA Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 One of my best friends is female and we've been friends for about 12 years. We can be friends because after years of us dating other people and talking it over with eachother, she's become like a sister to me. There is no sexual feelings or awkwardness, we talk openly about everything, and we want eachother to find someone thats makes them happy. I think she's a beautiful girl, but just the thought of kissing her grosses me out, because like I said, shes like a sister. What CANT work (and Ive tried), is going from friends to dating, and then trying to go back to being friends. I had 2-3 of these situations come up, and it hasnt gone well.
fishtaco Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 15+ years for me. I was interested in her way back when we first met, but timing didn't work out. She was focused on some douchebag at the time (what a surprise), then when she came around and became interested in me, I had already moved on. So after the missed opportunities, we just sort of gave up. I mean there are so many people out there to date, why focus on one person. However the "interest" were never directly voiced, because of bad timing/inappropriate whatever, maybe that made a difference, I don't know. But we match very well personality wise, and after all these years of friendship, I also trust her 100%. If it wasn't because of financial issues, we would have bought a house together. We're still very good friends, hopefully stay that way for a long time. I am NOT going to ruin the friendship by starting any romance with her, I'm sure she feels the same way. I have another friend for 20+ years that I HAD relationships with. We were friends for 10 years first before it happened. After it blew up we didn't talk for 3 years. But then we reconnected. Maybe the 10 years of friendship was able to survive it, I don't know. Then after that we've had sex several times (only when we're both single). We still talk, hang out and keep in touch, we've met every one of each others' girlfriends/boyfriends. Maybe we'll have sex again in the future, maybe not. That's not why I stay in touch with her. We're friends. I also keep in touch with my ex's (like the one above). The non-crazy ones that is. I'm perfectly fine being friends with them, IF they're worth being friends with.
Author vanilla87 Posted February 18, 2009 Author Posted February 18, 2009 Its just as general question about having a friendship with the opposite sex, nothing behind it about a friend that I have, just curious what people think about the question(s) in general...
quankanne Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 20 years relationships with my two male best friends. Kinda flirted with the first one, but he told me that while he loved me, it was because I was the sister he didn't have. Actually, he has a sister, but she was very, very bad, and he admired me for who I was, so he basically adopted me. And I was cool with that because it was kind of awkward thinking of him like *that* .... We still tease each other, but more like bratty kids, but we love each other dearly. other guy ... ah, this is the one person I consider my soulmate, the other half of me, the "I wish we were blood relatives, I love you so much." I think at one point, when I was crying over getting dumped by the guy who later ended up as my husband, my buddy made some kind of comment about being available. And I told him that I didn't believe in mixing friendship and sex, that he meant much, much more to me than possible dating material. He handled that very graciously, and we're still really close. in both those cases, I think what helped keep those relationships going sour is that there was already a healthy respect for each other. And we were very clear about the kind of relationship it was – no mixed messages, etc., so that when I tell them that I love them, they know that it's because they're dear friends, not potential boyfriend material. the really nice thing about this is my husband knows these guys, and that what I feel for them in no way threatens our marriage, and the wife of Guy 2 is also okay with our friendship, and that says a lot about her character!
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