Dexter Morgan Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 Dexter, If the shoe were on the other foot, as you say, my husband wouldn't have done anything with his pecker. My affair was emotional. I never touched the OM. ???? then what was "While the affair was primarily emotional, there was a sexual aspect to it as well. " ?? If another woman had the power to make him feel more virile, I would be taking advantage of that virility today as we move through our recovery. To each his own. I just see no sense in rewarding anyone for cheating. Because thats basically what is going on. As far as taking advantage of increased and better sex...I can do that with someone else, I don't need to do it with a cheating wife. I don't cave to emotional extortion. or as someone put it, appeasement after emotional terrorism. Ok, maybe its not terrorism, but I do view it as appeasing an emotional extortionist. Also, since it was an EA, there was no chance of contracting any strange?. Strange meaning being with someone different...someone "strange". not contracting anything. Learn something new every day huh? I guess in some way, the affair did help our marriage because it changed us and it changed our marriage. My husband is more open and emotionally connected to me. I am also more emotionally open and connected to him. We fought our way back to each other. Perhaps, but now there is an imbalance. I wonder if what you did weighs on his mind. I'm sure it does, but he probably won't let it show. I know you are not going to want to hear this, Dex, but bottom line is my marriage is better now than is was for the three years prior to my affair. On the contrary, and I'll admit for your husband's sake more than anything, I'm glad that is true. What I reject is the idea that any marriage is better after an affair. Your marriage may be great in your eyes, and thats fine. I'm sure it is good for your husband too. But I'll never believe that all is completely ok after an affair for the betrayed spouse. And I guess I don't understand something. I read a post that you made in Jan 2007 that states you met s "25 yo man" the spring before, being 2006. In that post you said you fell in love and were making plans to be with him. Is this the guy you were having the affair with behind your husband's back? Because the way you wrote that post it sounds as if you weren't married yet. If so, that means that sometime between this R with the 25 yo man and now, you got married sometime in 2007 or 2008. If this is true, you mean you had an EA within the first few months of being married. And if thats the case, well hell....if you can do this at the early stages, what do you think is gonna happen when the 7 year itch sets in? And if this was the guy you had an EA on your husband with, then you make absolutely NO mention of your husband in that post. And if you were married at the time, then it almost became clear that you went back to your husband because the OM got cold feet. So I'm confused. Not to threadjack, but I get entangled in stories.
Bluebird In My Heart Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 ... I guess in some way, the affair did help our marriage because it changed us and it changed our marriage. My husband is more open and emotionally connected to me. I am also more emotionally open and connected to him. We fought our way back to each other. Our marriage became sexually charged in the aftermath of the affair..and it's been almost a year now. He is like a sexual powerhouse in the bedroom and I've turned into a sex kitten. Go figure. Can't really explain it. Just trying to be honest here. I guess in some ways we don't take each other for granted anymore, sexually or otherwise. And speaking of peckers, my husband said this past weekend he doesn't remember how long it's been since I paid THAT much attention to his. He actually made me blush. I know you are not going to want to hear this, Dex, but bottom line is my marriage is better now than is was for the three years prior to my affair. The affair didn't make the marriage better, but it was the unfortunate catalyst that forced us to make changes. Taylor, I'm guessing you must be many years into 'recovery' to be that certain that an affair made your marriage better. OP, I highly doubt it's LOVE that is making these feelings come out. Likely, it's fear (of rejection and otherwise), and dependency (need). Limerence is probably what it is: "Limerence is a distinct state that creates that “feeling of being in love”— that state which Hollywood loves to portray as “love”... but limerence is really as far from the genuine article as a zircon is from a real diamond." -Dorothy Tennov This state can easily last two + years, who knows? I wouldn't put much stock in your feelings right now. You just found out. But that's just me. I'll bet she feels like a really hot commodity right now...
taylor Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 ???? then what was "While the affair was primarily emotional, there was a sexual aspect to it as well. " ?? Meaning that I did have a sexual attraction to the OM and he had a sexual attraction to me. We flirted, but we did not act on it in a physical way. We did not hold hands, touch, or kiss each other. So technically, it remained an EA. Perhaps, but now there is an imbalance. I wonder if what you did weighs on his mind. I'm sure it does, but he probably won't let it show. I am sure he will never forget. I understand the gravity of what happened and don't expect he will ever forget. But he has forgiven. And every day I continue in my efforts to rebuild his trust in me. What I reject is the idea that any marriage is better after an affair. Your marriage may be great in your eyes, and thats fine. I'm sure it is good for your husband too. But I'll never believe that all is completely ok after an affair for the betrayed spouse. The marriage is better for both of us than it was the three years prior to the affair. Neither one of us would choose to go back to that time ever again. We led virtually separate lives...lonely and empty..and the time we spent together was spent lashing out at each other in frustration, inflicting emotional blow after emotional blow...followed by utter silence. Yes, I can say with 100 percent certainty that the marriage now is better than it was then. Is it COMPLETELY OK? Of course not. We are still in the early phases of recovery. It hasn't even been a year yet. But we are both happy with the direction it is moving in. And I guess I don't understand something. I read a post that you made in Jan 2007 that states you met s "25 yo man" the spring before, being 2006. In that post you said you fell in love and were making plans to be with him. Is this the guy you were having the affair with behind your husband's back? Because the way you wrote that post it sounds as if you weren't married yet. If so, that means that sometime between this R with the 25 yo man and now, you got married sometime in 2007 or 2008. If this is true, you mean you had an EA within the first few months of being married. And if thats the case, well hell....if you can do this at the early stages, what do you think is gonna happen when the 7 year itch sets in? And if this was the guy you had an EA on your husband with, then you make absolutely NO mention of your husband in that post. And if you were married at the time, then it almost became clear that you went back to your husband because the OM got cold feet. So I'm confused. Not to threadjack, but I get entangled in stories. Whoa, Dexter. Back up, back up, back up. A friend of mine used my computer in 2006 and registered on LS under the user name Taylor. The story you read in 2006 is her story. I logged on here on March 17, 2008 but LS would not allow me to alter the user name. My story begins with the thread, "Ready to Cross the Line." You aren't the first who got confused by this. Sorry.
taylor Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Taylor, I'm guessing you must be many years into 'recovery' to be that certain that an affair made your marriage better. Bluebird, The affair did not make the marriage better. But, the marriage is better now than it was during the three years prior to the affair. I do not give the affair "credit" for improving the marriage. But I do give the affair "credit" for provoking my husband and I to make changes in ourselves and in our behavior toward each other to save/improve the marriage. The marriage spiraled down for three years. It plunged after the affair. The difference, though, is, prior to the affair, we allowed it to spiral out of control. We did nothing...sat back watching it die a slow death. After the affair, we committed ourselves to doing whatever it takes to not only stop the downward spiral, but to turn the marriage around...to reinvent it...to make it something that would be fulfilling to both of us and a place where we could both find some happiness. There is a great song by Lifehouse called "Whatever It Takes." It's our marital battle cry. We have been in recovery since April 2008..so less than a year.
taylor Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 I just see no sense in rewarding anyone for cheating. ..I don't cave to emotional extortion. Every person interprets, processes, and responds to events in their lives in their own way...in the way that makes sense to them...in the way that feels right to them. So, I do respect what you are saying here. But my husband and I do not see it this way. We do not see anyone being "rewarded" for cheating. We both returned to a beaten down, bruised, half -dead marriage, staring down a number of seemingly unsurmountable problems and issues.We both returned with emotionallbattle scars on our hearts. It was like sitting in a pile of rubble and ash after a nuclear explosion, in shock, and not having a clue where to go from there. There is definitely no reward in that. And struggling to recover from infidelity and save a neglected marriage is no picnic. But my husband and I do believe that over time and with alot of hard work that we both should have been doing for years, there will be a reward for both of us down the road. This is a weak analogy but the best I can think of at the moment: A teenager rebels against his family, punches his father, and runs away from home. Steals money/credit cards from his parents. Steals the family car. Gets into drugs. Gets into fights out on the street. His parents track him down. Bring him home. Forgive him. Get him into counseling. The teenager resolves to be a better person and work on his issues. He and the parents work hard to restore their relationship. The teenager is not "rewarded" for his bad behavior. But he is forgiven. And his parents continue to love him and are committed to him, despite the things he did to them and despite his character flaws. This is not "reward." This is not the parents giving in to emotional extortion. This is parents choosing to continue loving their son and choosing to work on whatever issues need to be dealt with to heal and restore the relationship. OP - Once again, sorry for the threadjack. How are you doing? Are plans still on to confront your wife about the affairs? Keep posting, please.
Lucky_One Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 From a legal standpoint, if you engage in sex with your spouse after you have evidence of her/his adultery, you are giving tacit approval called "condonation". You have condoned her affair, and your legal standing may be at risk from a purely legal view.
Author MrSmith Posted February 20, 2009 Author Posted February 20, 2009 think Taylor is very accurate on what happened to me. When we started going out, like every couple we had the honeymoon period, we couldn't keep our hands off each other and loved exploring each others bodies and we had that whole excitement buzz feeling rushing through us, i'm sure most people here can relate. Anyway over time after we had explored each other it became less exciting to the point that we knew each others moves so to speak. I'm not saying that we didn't have a healthy sex life or that i didn't enjoy it, its just that it didn't have the same sparks, passion and energy that it did have years ago. The thing that scares me alot from what i saw from the video clips is my wife's actions her enjoyment, even the wording she used in her emails, it is all out of character, she has never said anything like that to me or enjoyed it to that extent with me even during our honeymoon period. Although seeing her in this light arouses me it doesn't take away from the fact that she is cheating on me. In the last day or two i have done alot of research into being a cuckold, hotwife etc and one thing all the sites have in common is that there has to be full communication and honesty even in that type of lifestyle. I have always been open to her about how i felt and have never hid anything from her and thought she was the same with me, that's why it angers and hurts me, but on the other side of that scale is the continued arousal which isn't subsiding. Once again thank you all for your posts and advice, it really helps me to understand what could be going on inside her mind and what may have caused her to act like this, it also helps shed some light on my own feelings. I know that the only way i will ever truly know whats going on inside her head is by talking to her and that's why i am going to come clean and tell her that i know all about her cheating and about my feelings also, either tonight or tomorrow morning.
Owl Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 And what are your expectations from her going into this confrontation? Are you going to insist on certain actions/changes from her if you intend to reconcile? Do you intend to divorce? What is your GOAL going into this mtg? What do you want to happen out of all of this? Have that in mind going in...and have at least the beginning stages of a PLAN on how to get there as well.
Author MrSmith Posted February 20, 2009 Author Posted February 20, 2009 I haven't thought about any of that really. I just want everything out in the open and go with it from there. Half of me wants to keep it to myself that i know and deal with it in my own way, and the other half wants to call her right now to tell her i know all about it. But one thing i know for certain is that i want my marriage to work out, and don't want to lose her.
Owl Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 But one thing i know for certain is that i want my marriage to work out, and don't want to lose her. OK...then your goal is reconciliation...that's a start. I haven't thought about any of that really. I just want everything out in the open and go with it from there. Then it's time to start. It's far smarter to go into this with a plan, than it is to simply go in and 'wing it'. To get your plan, you do a little research. There are a couple of books I'd suggest..."Surviving an Affair" by Dr Harley would be a good first step. Start reading recovery stories around here. See what worked, what didn't, and what applies to your situation. Half of me wants to keep it to myself that i know and deal with it in my own way, and the other half wants to call her right now to tell her i know all about it How can you "deal with it your own way"? Think about this...if you want your marriage to work, that means the cheating has to end. If you feel otherwise, stop and consider what this ongoing cheating will do to YOUR self-esteem, self-worth? So, your PLAN should start out with: 1. Confront her with just enough information to convince her that you know what's going on, without giving away your source. Let her THINK you know everything, and use that to get the full details from her on the things you don't know. 2. State your goal- reconciliation. 3. State your requirements/PLAN to make this happen. That should include ENDING THE CHEATING, marriage counseling, full accountability on her part, full disclosure on her part, and a discussion of specific actions needed to rebuild trust (remove her internet access, for example). 4. Set a STRONG boundary here...that she either follows this plan, or the marriage is OVER. Realize she's not going to want to stop what she's doing...she's likely very addicted to it. It's going to take WORK to make these changes. 5. Be ready to deal with her RAGE over being outed...it WILL happen. Think about all of this...and have your gameplan in mind when you start the confrontation. DO NOT TELL HER ABOUT YOUR "RESPONSE" TO SEEING HER VIDS. DO NOT GIVE AN IMPLIED OR TACIT APPROVAL OF HER ACTIONS IN ANY WAY. Hope this helps.
jwi71 Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Wait a minute Owl, Your advice is spot on for someone who wants to end the cheating. Except I'm not sure he wants the extramarital sex to end...just the lies and secrecy. So...I think the OP needs to have that conversation and decide upon what THEY can live with...until then, not much we can offer.
2sunny Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 i do think an HONEST self assessment needs to be done by the OP. i am not a jealous person, but when i was married i certainly didn't want to see my spouse doing intimate things with another person that i consider saved only for me. my boundary stated to him that i wouldn't put up with it. when he crossed that line, things changed for me. i can't trust someone who disrespects me when it is supposed to be the one person who loves me more than any other person in the world. the first time i forgave him and we worked on it (i thought) - the second time - he was out and we divorced. are you secretly wanting her to do those things to you when you have sex? is that the incentive to stay? or do you want to continue to watch her with someone else? i'm unsure what your motivation is with staying... bottom line, you have to decide what your own boundary is. a solid boundary that helps to keep you happy, healthy and safe. then stick to it. whatever she may say when the affair is disclosed - you need to have a plan for yourself.
taylor Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Yes, this is indeed an unusual case of infidelity. One where there appears to be a negative and a plus (?) side. Two questions come to mind: 1. How much importance does this OP place on monogamy in his marriage? 2. How much importance does he place on his own sexual fulfillment? He will have to decide if and how these two things can be compromised. But, then again, he is only half of the equation. It will be interesting to hear what his wife has to say. And FWIW, Owl, I agree the OP should keep the whole "arousal thing" his little secret unless of course he wants to open up his marriage. Not convinced that he does, tho.
Dexter Morgan Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Meaning that I did have a sexual attraction to the OM and he had a sexual attraction to me. We flirted, but we did not act on it in a physical way. We did not hold hands, touch, or kiss each other. So technically, it remained an EA. Well after your explanation of the post your friend made with your username, I can buy that. I am sure he will never forget. I understand the gravity of what happened and don't expect he will ever forget. But he has forgiven. And every day I continue in my efforts to rebuild his trust in me. While an EA would probably do a good amount of damage, I think maybe, and its a thin "maybe", I might be able to work on a marriage. But if a SO's affair went physical, its point of no return for me. Yes, I can say with 100 percent certainty that the marriage now is better than it was then. And now that I understand it wasn't you that posted that story 3 years ago, I can understand how that would be. Whoa, Dexter. Back up, back up, back up. A friend of mine used my computer in 2006 and registered on LS under the user name Taylor. The story you read in 2006 is her story. I logged on here on March 17, 2008 but LS would not allow me to alter the user name. My story begins with the thread, "Ready to Cross the Line." You aren't the first who got confused by this. Sorry. Ok,.....I was shaking my head thinking...WTF?? Makes sense now.
Dexter Morgan Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Every person interprets, processes, and responds to events in their lives in their own way...in the way that makes sense to them...in the way that feels right to them. So, I do respect what you are saying here. But my husband and I do not see it this way. We do not see anyone being "rewarded" for cheating. Well again, it would be hard for me to accept an EA, and I do see it as cheating, but as long as it was like your situation, no touching whatsoever, I might be able to get over that without divorce. If it was just a girlfriend, I think I'd leave though. so while I see that as cheating still, I don't think its a lost cause. Ok, threadjack over...back to the OP
Author MrSmith Posted February 23, 2009 Author Posted February 23, 2009 I confronted my wife on Saturday morning, the weekend seemed like the longest two days of my life, I think i experienced every type of emotion there is. It started with her putting up a feeble attempt to try and deny her cheating, but i told her i had discovered her secret email account. Then came the anger which i had been expecting, there was shouting from both of us (mainly her) she then started packing a suitcase and said she was leaving. I managed to calm her down a bit by telling her that i wanted to work everything out and that i didn't want our marriage to end. And then we started talking. I told her that i have always been completely honest in our relationship, loving and hard working and that i did everything i thought a good husband should do and that i wanted to know what did i do to cause her to cheat. At this point she completely broke down crying. A little background information which you should know about me and my wife. I am 30 and she is 28. We started going out when she was 18 and i was 20, after 5 years of going out we got married with plans of buying a house and starting a large family (something we had talked for years). About 2 1/2 years into our marriage my wife's mother was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of cancer and was given only a couple of months to live at the same time after trying to conceive since getting married and failing to do so we attended a fertility clinic. After all the tests my wife was told that the chances of her ever conceiving a child was very unlikely. This as you can imagine came as a massive shock, the picture i had in my head of our happy family went up in flames. My way of coping with this was by submerging myself in work, which has been my biggest regret, i wasn't there for wife when she needed me most, i was selfishly fixated on my loss without really considering how hard it must have been on her and then to find out that her mother was terminally ill with only a few months to live. After my wife stopped crying she told me how much she loved me and that she was sorry for cheating. She said that it was nothing i did that caused her to cheat and that she couldn't explain why she did. She told me that she had a complete break down after her mothers death and finding out that she would never be a mother herself. She said that she started forming a fear of dying without ever of really experiencing life and that this lead to a stupid fling one weekend when i was away on work. She told me that she was consumed by guilt, but that at the same time she loved the excitement of the whole thing. She went on and told me some other reasons which she said contributed to the fling turning into an affair but i don't particularly want to share them with you right now. I then told her how i got aroused by seeing the images and video clips of her together with reading her explicit emails. She couldn't understand what i was saying and started asking me whether i still loved her and if i did how could i possibly have been aroused by this. I didn't know how to fully explain it to her so i showed her some of the articles and websites which i have read and visited in the last few days. I am sorry for the long post but the truth is that it doesn't even cover a tenth of what we talked about over the weekend. We have both agreed that we should get marriage counselling and have booked a 2 hour session for Thursday, half an hour with her on her own half an hour with me on my own and then an hour together.
Owl Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Did you remove her internet access? Did you state a concrete strong boundary that she's DONE cheating with these guys? That she's to have NO CONTACT with any of them, ever again, for any reason whatsoever? After she sends them all an "NC letter" indicating her intent to repair her marriage with you, of course. Have you requested access to any other email/IM accounts, as well as to her cell phone? Did she agree, and give them to you on the spot? Have you picked up any of the reading material I'd suggested ("Surviving an Affair" is your best first start)? What did you hope to gain by telling her about your "response" to her cheating? Did it have the affect you'd hoped for?
jwi71 Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Good luck Mr. Smith. I hope this is resolved in a manner that YOU can live with. Speaking of which, how would YOU like this to be resolved? Do you want a D? Do you want to be a cuckold? Do you want her to be exclusive to you? What do YOU want out of MC and how can he/she help?
Dexter Morgan Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 I confronted my wife on Saturday morning, the weekend seemed like the longest two days of my life, I think i experienced every type of emotion there is. It started with her putting up a feeble attempt to try and deny her cheating, but i told her i had discovered her secret email account. Then came the anger which i had been expecting, there was shouting from both of us (mainly her) Yes, this is what happens to alot of cheaters that get caught....they think they have a right to be angry that you caught them. Which is laughable at best. So I say, get rid of any cheater that gets mad because they got caught...because there is no remorse there. she then started packing a suitcase and said she was leaving. You should let her worthless ass leave. But I know...I know...you are turned on by what she did. I managed to calm her down a bit by telling her that i wanted to work everything out and that i didn't want our marriage to end. And then we started talking. I told her that i have always been completely honest in our relationship, loving and hard working and that i did everything i thought a good husband should do and that i wanted to know what did i do to cause her to cheat. Basically by doing that you are asking her to blame you. And you will take the blame and fold like a cheap suit to do whatever it is you think you have to do to keep her from cheating again. After my wife stopped crying she told me how much she loved me and that she was sorry for cheating. She said that it was nothing i did that caused her to cheat and that she couldn't explain why she did. Of course she knows why she did it. What a load of bulls##t. She wanted to be pleasured by another man. She told me that she had a complete break down after her mothers death and finding out that she would never be a mother herself. She said that she started forming a fear of dying without ever of really experiencing life Really? Well then, I suppose she will sit by and keep quiet if you decided you need to go out and stick your member in other women so you can experience life as she did then...right? ya think she'd be willing to let you do that? i don't think so. and that this lead to a stupid fling one weekend when i was away on work. She told me that she was consumed by guilt ya, she was consumed by so much guilt that she yelled at you and got angry that you caught her. but that at the same time she loved the excitement of the whole thing. yup, and the desire for that excitement with someone other than you isn't about to go away. That desire will always be there. You willing to live with that? I am sorry for the long post but the truth is that it doesn't even cover a tenth of what we talked about over the weekend. We have both agreed that we should get marriage counselling and have booked a 2 hour session for Thursday, half an hour with her on her own half an hour with me on my own and then an hour together. Boy would I like to be a fly on the wall on that one. Well, I hate to say this, and I know you'll disagree with me, but its my opinion. You are going to be played for a fool, you are being played for a fool. You will continue to be played for a fool as long as you come off to her like a whipped puppy dog and cower when she gets mad or threatens to leave. She started packing her bags and BOOM...you folded. Now she knows she has the upper hand. she knows that you want to stay with her and she knows you will put up with alot...ESPECIALLY now that you told her you were aroused by her cheating.
Nikki Sahagin Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Seriously, why don't you propose to have an open relationship?
lostsoulmate Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Seriously, why don't you propose to have an open relationship? MrSmith- It may be an option. The open relationship thing. People have been very inventive with this... as far as picking out the OM/OW. Again, I do not say you should or shouldn't, just throwing it out there. Trying to be open-minded. Everyone situation is different. Good luck.
Nikki Sahagin Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Sorry I've just realised that open relationships/swinging are off the table. I have to agree with Dexter. She reacted aggressively and defensively and you caved by allowing yourself to take the blame and also, INVITING her to blame you. Do you know what though? It's not even that you are in the wrong, because you love her and are afraid. BUT SHE should be the one begging YOU not to pack your suitcase. I think the therapy is a positive step but still keep your eyes and ears open. As Dexter said, she does know why she did this. It's not like "oh I don't really know why I ate that orange - I just did" - it's an affair, it's pictures and videos. Even if the reasons seem chaotic and complicated and overwhelming, they still exist. You seem a very loving man and also very forgiving but please be careful to not let this be exploited by your wife. Just because your life is unconditional doesn't mean hers is. And you deserve someone who can love you the way you love them. Just be careful.
samsungxoxo Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 :sick:Wow this is the saddest and disgusting post of a cheater getting caught I ever read. So not only did she cheated, but was seen on videos and pictures in full view of her screwing another man yet in the OP's own house, disgusting. I don't get the part that he states he got turned on by it. Who would get turned on by cathcing their spouse in the act, I sure would not. If he confronted her then isn't she the one that has to show great deal of genuine remorse, none is really shown. All that it's seen is her defense mechanism (acting angry when caught) and ''sorry I got caught'' crocodile tears. And well I think the OP made a mistake in telling her how her cheating turn him on, even if it was true, she didn't needed to hear that, doesn't that allow her yet to cheat again?? To the OP, good luck on the marriage counseling but do be stern and firm with her that if it happens again, you will not tolerate it.
Bryanp Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 This is exactly the point that I am having trouble with. His wife not only had pictures and videos of her having sex with her lover but she did it in their home. There is great symbolic meaning in this. She symbolically defecated on Mr. Smith, their home, and their relationship. It is the ultimate humiliation and disrespect that can be shown to a spouse by screwing someone else in your home, in your bed and and having pictures taken of that in your home. Her comment that she did not know why she was doing this is simply ludicrous. The fact that she did these things in the home should be a deal breaker in itself. The fact that she did these things apparently without any problems tells me Mr. Smith should be seeking a lawyer. The other issue of him getting aroused is not the main issue at all. The sex and video in the home is sending a clear message to Mr. Smith that his wife has absolutely no respect for him at all and is playing him for a total idiot. I hope Mr. Smith realizes that he should not settle for someone who has such a broken moral compass and shows such utter distain and contempt toward him by her actions.
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