Edna07 Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 Not sure if you've read my story, but my husband and I have been separated for about a month. I have found that I don't miss him. I feel better when he's not around. I'm not in love with him anymore. He has still been going to counseling to try to get his anger issues under control, but really - the problems were so much more than just the anger. It was lack of respect, control and his selfishness. I think if it were JUST the anger, I might have been able to deal with it. Anyway, we were talking and I just told him I feel better when I'm not with him. He kept saying, "I'm trying, I'm trying." I told him not to try for me. Do it for himself. Do it for his kids. We argued for a while back and forth. He played the blame game, as per usual. I called him on playing the blame game. He asked why I had a baby with him if he were such a bad guy (again - making it my fault that there are kids involved). So he finally said, "Well, you seem like you're still really angry." I said, "Yes I am. I am furious. I never got married with the intention of getting divorced. I think maybe this could have been salvageable if you LISTENED to me or took me serious the first 4 times I told you I was miserable and couldn't live like this anymore. I don't know how else I could have put it in a way you would understand. I thought saying "I am miserable and fed up, let's go to counseling" was direct and to the point, yet you continued to control me, criticize me, disrespect me." He said, "Well if you're not in love with me anymore, that's another story altogether." I said, "I'm not. I know it hurts you to hear it and it's the hardest thing I've ever had to say, but I'm not." So he left. As he was leaving he said that I really need to find a counselor to work out my issues. Again - it's my fault. Whatever. Let him place the blame on me. At least I will be free.
OneFootOut Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 Not sure if you've read my story, but my husband and I have been separated for about a month. I have found that I don't miss him. I feel better when he's not around. I'm not in love with him anymore. He has still been going to counseling to try to get his anger issues under control, but really - the problems were so much more than just the anger. It was lack of respect, control and his selfishness. I think if it were JUST the anger, I might have been able to deal with it. Anyway, we were talking and I just told him I feel better when I'm not with him. He kept saying, "I'm trying, I'm trying." I told him not to try for me. Do it for himself. Do it for his kids. We argued for a while back and forth. He played the blame game, as per usual. I called him on playing the blame game. He asked why I had a baby with him if he were such a bad guy (again - making it my fault that there are kids involved). So he finally said, "Well, you seem like you're still really angry." I said, "Yes I am. I am furious. I never got married with the intention of getting divorced. I think maybe this could have been salvageable if you LISTENED to me or took me serious the first 4 times I told you I was miserable and couldn't live like this anymore. I don't know how else I could have put it in a way you would understand. I thought saying "I am miserable and fed up, let's go to counseling" was direct and to the point, yet you continued to control me, criticize me, disrespect me." He said, "Well if you're not in love with me anymore, that's another story altogether." I said, "I'm not. I know it hurts you to hear it and it's the hardest thing I've ever had to say, but I'm not." So he left. As he was leaving he said that I really need to find a counselor to work out my issues. Again - it's my fault. Whatever. Let him place the blame on me. At least I will be free. Edna, I know how difficult all of this is for you. Sadly it may drag on a bit until HE moves on, even though you are ready to be done with it. I'm proud that you stood your ground, you are one brave lady and deserve a wonderful PEACEFUL life I'm wishing you all the best and hoping everything smooths out over there.
Geishawhelk Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 So he left. As he was leaving he said that I really need to find a counselor to work out my issues. To which you reply: "I GOT counselling. Where do you think I finally had my eyes opened and came to the happy conclusion I can end this?"
Author Edna07 Posted February 18, 2009 Author Posted February 18, 2009 Ugh... he just drives me NUTS! We have had the same conversation over and over and over again. I have told him he is 99% of the problem, yet he wants to continue to make me feel like I'm crazy! "It's not as bad as you think it is. You take one issue and blow it up." I kept a freaking journal and I continually felt AWFUL. My self-esteem was SHOT. I doubted myself ALL THE TIME. How can he NOT see what he was doing to me? Even when I TOLD him!
Geishawhelk Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 Because he's an egocentric, narcissistic, selfish, angry bully. In a nutshell. Kick him out full and final. Period.
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