jsundayt Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 I've been married to my wife for 14 years and dated for 6 before that, have two children 13 and 10. I guess this has been building for a while. Over Thanksgiving, the kids I went to my parents house out of state. My wife severely hurt her back. I immediately packed up to come home but she and her mother said not to come back yet. That her mother was there and everything was under control. So I stayed at my parents house until I got the go ahead to come back. She said that I should have come back regardless of what she said. Looking back, I wasn't there when she need me. Over Christmas and New Year. It was my fault. I acted like an Idiot and played our not talking to each other. We didn't talk for two weeks. Recently, I received an email from a dating site addressed to my wife, after a little digging I found out she was registered on that site. I confronted her and ask what was going on. She said she was curious to see who was on this site around town. And I said, "what would happen if your curiosity would lead you to meeting someone". She deleted the account. After a few days I apologized, after seeing the e-mail I told her I was angry not at her but at me, I felt that I have been angry at everything for a long time. Angry at the lack of sex, angry at that she would come home, eat dinner and go work on her laptop finishing up the stuff she didn't get done at work every night and weekends, angry that I'd come home make dinner and clean up all the time, (referring to myself as the butler). Angry that I didn't make more money and so on. So I left her alone. And told her that I finally realized that I was acting like her father, for her father is constantly angry at everything. She said that sorry wasn't going to fix it. That I always ruin the holidays. I asked her if she still wanted or needed me and finally she said it might be good if we separate for a while. And then she said "you know we've been married for a long time, that I was smothering her and that I needed to get a hobby and some friends." Again I asked her if she still wanted or needed me and she said she didn't know right now. I'm still at the house, we are being civil, and I keep my distance. but I can't stand not knowing where I stand. It seems so hard to talk to her. And I wonder if going to a counselor will help. If it isn't to late, or if she will even go. I have a place to stay but I'm worried about the kids. Ive always been there for them. We always talked about everything and everyone else but not about us.
confusedinkansas Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 Perhaps time apart will give both of you a new perspective on your relationship. Move out & let her miss you. Your kids aren't babies....and kids are more resiliant than you think they are. Explain to them what's happening. They may already see what's going on & totally understand. Good Luck. It's a big step, this first one.
edgeof27 Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 I've been married to my wife for 14 years and dated for 6 before that, have two children 13 and 10. I guess this has been building for a while. Over Thanksgiving, the kids I went to my parents house out of state. My wife severely hurt her back. I immediately packed up to come home but she and her mother said not to come back yet. That her mother was there and everything was under control. So I stayed at my parents house until I got the go ahead to come back. She said that I should have come back regardless of what she said. Looking back, I wasn't there when she need me. Some information missing here, Over Christmas and New Year. It was my fault. I acted like an Idiot and played our not talking to each other. We didn't talk for two weeks. Recently, I received an email from a dating site addressed to my wife, after a little digging I found out she was registered on that site. I confronted her and ask what was going on. She said she was curious to see who was on this site around town. And I said, "what would happen if your curiosity would lead you to meeting someone". She deleted the account. She was cruising the site, getting ready to move on, After a few days I apologized, after seeing the e-mail I told her I was angry not at her but at me, I felt that I have been angry at everything for a long time. Angry at the lack of sex, angry at that she would come home, eat dinner and go work on her laptop finishing up the stuff she didn't get done at work every night and weekends, angry that I'd come home make dinner and clean up all the time, (referring to myself as the butler). Angry that I didn't make more money and so on. So I left her alone. And told her that I finally realized that I was acting like her father, for her father is constantly angry at everything. She said that sorry wasn't going to fix it. That I always ruin the holidays. I asked her if she still wanted or needed me and finally she said it might be good if we separate for a while. And then she said "you know we've been married for a long time, that I was smothering her and that I needed to get a hobby and some friends." Again I asked her if she still wanted or needed me and she said; " she didn't know right now". Oh, she knows, she just doesn't have the courage to tell you, I'm still at the house, we are being civil, and I keep my distance. but I can't stand not knowing where I stand. It seems so hard to talk to her. And I wonder if going to a counselor will help. If it isn't to late, or if she will even go. I have a place to stay but I'm worried about the kids. Ive always been there for them. We always talked about everything and everyone else but not about us. Time to move on, the fact that she "doesn't know", is code for; " I hate you, I can't stand you, get out, leave me alone", but soon you will hear; " I love you, but I am not in love with you", so be prepared, g....
Author jsundayt Posted February 19, 2009 Author Posted February 19, 2009 You know, I actually heard her say "I love you, but I am not in love with you." when we were dating. Boy, I think I should of ended then.
seibert253 Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 Distance may make the heart grow fonder. In this case I'm not sure about this. Anyway, I think you may want to move out for a time, it will help her make up her mind, one way or another, about your marriage. Then you can focus on rebuilding or moving on.
edgeof27 Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 You know, I actually heard her say "I love you, but I am not in love with you." when we were dating. Boy, I think I should of ended then. Wow, that speaks volumes, she actually said that all those years ago, it's really too bad that you missed her "message" back then, but hey, hindsight is 20/20, move forward, don't wait to hear it again, g....
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Time to divorce this woman, she was either cheating, or planning to cheat. You know it and we know it. She doesnt love you anymore because she only cares about herself. and It's MLC time. I'd say do a 180 and take care of yourself, let her move out, she wants to be independant, single then cutoff everything, finances, housing, utilities and take care of anything that's only in your name. I'm sorry this is happening but being on this site for so long it's gonna happen one way or the other. They all turn out that the wife has an affair and leaves or leaves and have an affair. Either way this isnt gonna end nicely.
Author jsundayt Posted February 23, 2009 Author Posted February 23, 2009 I finally told my wife that I was leaving. She wanted to separate, so I gave her what she wanted. She had the audacity to ask me to stay in the house for the kids sake, but to get a girlfriend to occupy myself. Apparently this sounds like she wants an open marriage. An open marriage is something that I'm not going for. It's either all or nothing. As you guys have called it she's very selfish. Thanks for all the advice. JT
edgeof27 Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 I finally told my wife that I was leaving. She wanted to separate, so I gave her what she wanted. She had the audacity to ask me to stay in the house for the kids sake, but to get a girlfriend to occupy myself. Apparently this sounds like she wants an open marriage. An open marriage is something that I'm not going for. It's either all or nothing. As you guys have called it she's very selfish. Thanks for all the advice. JT Don't loose your focus, keep up your momentum, you are doing the right thing, well done, g...
mark982 Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 sure sounds like she got another guy on the string. she tells you to get a gf for the kids sake, what she really means is, i want you to stay here, and pay the bills while i boink someone else,plus have a baby sitter.
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Like I said cutoff all the finances and get a lawyer, het 50/50 custody and keep it moving let the OM or some poor sap deal with her BS from now on! "You should get a girlfriend?" WTF you should have got it on tape and exposed it to everyone!
Recommended Posts