Dollie Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 I am in need of some advice and help I was with my bf for 2 years and we had a very on and off relationship. It was a roller coaster of emotions. I have been been in an on and off relationship like this so it was even more confusing for me. We would run a pattern of him getting upset over something and ignoring me for up to weeks and then he would call me as if nothing had happened, he would listen to what I had to say and then we would be back on. He asked me if I would marry him many times and I always said no as we were too up and down. Just before christmas we had a falling out and did not spend christmas together but got back together in January, we were more like friends and rarely had sex. 3 weeks ago we fell out over something really silly and we did not talk for 2 weeks (not unusual) and then I found out he is seeing a girl 18 years younger than him! He is with a girl who is a couple of years older than his son! How could he do this to me? I feel so disrespected! The girl looks like a young version of me and I have found her Facebook and have been getting info out of her under a different name. It seems she sees him as a casual fling. I saw them by accident outside of a bar last night and he was so drunk he was swaying, I hooted my horn and waved at him to show I did not care (even though I do) I know he is wrong for me but how do I get over this? If she was not around he would have been on the phone to me and I know you will all think he is a cheat but he was not like that. He was many things but not a cheat or womanizer. I will never call him again nor get back with him, but how do I stop the tears flowing and get on with my life?
Island Girl Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 How could he do this to me? I feel so disrespected! How is he disrespecting you by dating another woman? It sounds to me like he has called it quits with you and has moved on. In that case he it doesn't really have anything to do with you. It has to do with him. He is dating someone who he wants to date. Plain and simple. And if she looks like you that would make sense. Perhaps you are his "type" so of course he'd go after a girl that looks similar. He asked you to marry him and you said no more than once. You had your reasons and I truly believe that but apparently he is looking for more. And now he has decided that he wants to see if that will pan out with someone else. That is what you should do too. Move on entirely.
JohnnyBlaze Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 I agree with Island Girl. He proposed on a number of occasions, you turned him down, you two split up in December and by your own admission, when you got back together, you were "more like friends". He just read the writing on the wall, that's all. He was basically told that the relationship wasn't going to go anywhere, and with the whole January thing, it actually regressed. Why would he want to stick around for more of that? As to the new girl, are you bothered by the fact that she's young, or the fact that she looks like you? You gave the impression to him that you don't mind if he dates someone else, so you did, in effect, agree that it's over between you two and that you don't mind if he dates her. Why exactly did you recon her? What do you hope to gain from it?
Author Dollie Posted February 18, 2009 Author Posted February 18, 2009 After 2 years he should have told me he was seeing someone else instead of letting me just see it! And today he sent me a pathetic joke text, what was that about?
BCCA Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 If a man asks you to marry him and you say no, while its well within your right to do so, expect things to be over sooner or later. He asked you a few times, which should indicate that he was serious. You said no, you were too up an down...but continued the relationship, anyway. He wanted to get married, you didnt, fine. But with every decision comes a responsibility. If I asked a girl to marry me and she said no, that would probably one of the last conversations we ever had. I hooted my horn and waved at him to show I did not care On the contrary, you showed him that you DO care by doing that. If you didnt care, you would've drove right on by like he didnt exist. I know he is wrong for me but how do I get over this? Remind yourself of this fact, over and over. He was wrong for you, plain and simple. I also think youre being kind of over the top by getting mad about him seeing other people. Thats what happens when youre single, you date who you want. Or were you just hoping to move on first, and now youre mad because he did?
Author Dollie Posted February 18, 2009 Author Posted February 18, 2009 I am just shocked he has moved on so quickly. I just thought he should have the decency to tell me himself!
DavidH Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 he proposed, you declined many times. the relationship ended. hes single and dating. not only is it none of your business who he dates now, but it would be childish for anyone to tell their ex they were dating someone else. He was being decent- telling you would be indecent.
DavidH Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 it sounds like you just didnt know if you guys were officially broken up. Perhaps it would be better to communicate instead of ignore eachother for 2 weeks
Island Girl Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 I am just shocked he has moved on so quickly. I just thought he should have the decency to tell me himself! If things are ended in a relationship and I am no longer dating a guy - I don't inform him of the goings on in my life. I no longer owe it to him to be forthcoming. I choose what I want when I want to with friends and that is all he is at that point. You are angry for other reasons - not just because he is dating someone already. Did you expect he'd just hang around forever taking you out and keep proposing so you could turn him down? (That is a nice ego boost isn't it?) That is exactly what it sounds like.
Author Dollie Posted February 20, 2009 Author Posted February 20, 2009 He did not end it and nor did I! Those words were not spoken He just moved on without informing we that we were done
blondesmiler Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 http://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Mend-Your-Broken-Heart/dp/0593050533 start reading something like this, do the exercises which include writing down everything you disliked about him and your relationship, also writing him a letter with all your feelings and emotions, then burn it and flush it down the loo. Its theraputic and very useful, take it from someone whose been there and knows. Also keeping busy works, join a class, get down the gym as exercise does help to make you feel better, have a massage, go out with friends, make some new friends, learn to cook. You need to grieve but you also need time away from thinking about it all the time so getting busy is best thing, before you know it your thoughts of him will get less and less before long you won't care anymore.
Author Dollie Posted February 20, 2009 Author Posted February 20, 2009 I can never imagine not caring It is cutting me up and he lives local and I will see them together, this is killing me!
blondesmiler Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 you won't one day it just takes time, and the things I've said IMO
Author Dollie Posted February 20, 2009 Author Posted February 20, 2009 It cannot come quick enough! I would never take him back but do you think he will regret what he has done one day?
BCCA Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 It cannot come quick enough! I would never take him back but do you think he will regret what he has done one day? You wouldnt know if he did anyway, so what does it matter? Honestly, though...probably not. If he thought thats what his best plan of action was, whats to regret? Not trying to be mean, just honest. Ive been where you are, and sugar coating just makes it worse.
blondesmiler Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 It cannot come quick enough! I would never take him back but do you think he will regret what he has done one day? Maybe he will but by then you won't care anyway It does go away with time, I was in a real mess when my ex split up with me, devastated. I did flip flop with my emotions for ages but when I went out or to the gym I used it too not think about him as free time a time to realease (which you need to do otherwise you'll go mad). Clear yourself of everything to do with him, hide stuff away, get rid of it. Then make some plans so you have things to look forward too and think about, so to give yourself other things to consume your mind with.
blondesmiler Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 BTW search for Superdaves posts he has tons of really good posts about getting over your ex and also no contact, which you need to do (this does also include getting that women off your FB account)
socialight Posted February 21, 2009 Posted February 21, 2009 dollie, instead of agonzing over what you have lost, focus instead on the fact that if you had agreed to marry him, he still would have, at some point, ended up running around with a younger you and breaking your heart anyway. You got the easy way out -- you avoided possible humiliation, court costs, and divorce. Don't cry over what you lost, thank you lucky stars, praise god, and move on.
LeroyJose Posted February 21, 2009 Posted February 21, 2009 Don't stop the tears. The more you stop it, the more it'll flow. Let it flow like a river coz after that, you'll be relieved.
Author Dollie Posted February 21, 2009 Author Posted February 21, 2009 The tears have dried up but my appetite is still not back All I can think about is what they are doing and it kills me, I remember how he was with me when he first met me and now he is being like that with her. Because she is so young he will feel like the cat that has got the cream and I have just been left in the dust!
bluehare07 Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 It really happens in life. Nothing is constant but changes so let's all be prepared. As what I often say - "SH*T happens."
9Lives Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 It really happens in life. Nothing is constant but changes so let's all be prepared. As what I often say - "SH*T happens." I know how you mean. my relationship was up and down too. I ended it today and I am glad. YOU KNOW IN YOUR HEART HE WAS NOT THE ONE FOR YOU. you just feel it cause you saw him with someone else. look at it this way...it wasn't working for you guys so u mind as well let him go. she didn't take him from you. ...you really don't want the guy. so quit making yourself believe your the victum when at the end of the day...he aint the one. so what he was drunk with another girl. big deal. that's her problem now.
Author Dollie Posted February 24, 2009 Author Posted February 24, 2009 I have just found out that he has been seeing her for 7 months we have only been split for 4 weeks!
gfto Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 He did not end it and nor did I! Those words were not spoken He just moved on without informing we that we were done He ended it. You just have a bruised ego because he didn't follow the script, which calls for the guy to be miserable for a few months and cry over you; not move on with his life and get a new girlfriend.
LeroyJose Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 I know how you mean. my relationship was up and down too. I ended it today and I am glad. YOU KNOW IN YOUR HEART HE WAS NOT THE ONE FOR YOU. you just feel it cause you saw him with someone else. look at it this way...it wasn't working for you guys so u mind as well let him go. she didn't take him from you. ...you really don't want the guy. so quit making yourself believe your the victum when at the end of the day...he aint the one. so what he was drunk with another girl. big deal. that's her problem now. I'm glad you're able to make it. It's sad but happy at the same time. Sad because you'll miss him/her and happy because you won't be getting problems from him/her anymore. So you're relationship ended now? Don't look back and move forward. There are lots of good guys out there!
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