starting to think i did it all wrong

[Peter_pan]

ok our break up was mutual. After 3 years of being with her living with her, when we both agreed to be single but stay living with each other, i didn't take it seriously enough, since we had said it before and always got back together.

 

so she did and emotionally detached herself long before i considered it. so when she was going out with her new bf it was very shocking for me and it seemed like only 3 weeks yet we had said a month before that we were single. the way she let me know after 2 weeks of me trying to win her back was she emailed when i was away on a ski trip.

 

and i guess when she said it was nothing serious between them that she was just having fun and seeing what else is out there. me going into NC made it easier for her to forget me and move on and for her to still be with him i guess is quite unlucky on my side.

 

maybe i was being far to selfish and bitter to not speak to her once she told me about her and him officially. maybe i should have been happy for her.

 

all i know is that she isn't coming back to me, we are over and she is with him. i do think about contacting her not to reconcile but i guess to apologize.

 

its my fault we dont talk or acknowledge each others existence, but i guess it would be to awkward or difficult.

 

when i saw her for the first time in a year at a night club in my home town, we talked and she said she did want to contact me. but i told her it was bs otherwise she would have, she claimed she changed her mobile no so many times. and she heard i was happy through my friends.

 

then when she mentioned she hadnt contacted me because she thought i wanted her back and she went on to mention a ring, i flipped out and said i cant believe you out of all people would ever let me down like that and to go out with some after knowing them for 3 weeks and i stuck by your side for 3 years is just f+++ed, then she got emotional and ran off crying.

 

 

either way I am still having a hard time with dreams, and for the past few nights ive had very vivid dreams where we are together like in the early days of our relationship. and it breaks my heart when i wake up.

 

for this to be happening over a year later i guess i dont know what i can do. maybe ive realized that nothing is going to change now between us and i should apologize for not speaking to her or staying in touch, its the last thing either of us wanted.

 

on the second hand, she has her life, i have mine, i should just let her live it and forget her.

 

something isn't right for it to eat me up after this amount of time. i know i wont ever forget her, she was my world at one point. only until that was taken away from me did i realize how much she meant to me.

 

i guess you could say, i have big regrets for my actions based upon my feelings at the time.

 

also a big note, i miss her family an incredible amount they loved me so much and i loved them like they were my own family:(

 

once again thank you for reading. i could do with some help. waking up after dreaming about them is so soul destroying

[foxh1234]

Hi PP, I feel for you. I know what it feels like to lose the one that you once loved. It sucks, plain and simple. At this point all you can do is try and put it behind you. What's done is done and you cannot change the past. I think you really need to work on forgiving yourself and moving past this guilt that you seem to have. You will be stuck in thei sad state until you realize that you both made mistakes and if you were meant to be together, you would be.

She is not making you sad anymore as she is not in your life. You are allowing your own thoughts to haunt you and keep you thinking of her. Only you can move forward PP, I can write a book telling all the same crap you already know but nothing will change with you until you want it to. You know as well as I do that it's doing you no good to re-hash this and re-live every detail, but yet you do it to yourself daily. Take a long hard look in the mirror Pete and say enough of this crap. I want my life back and this stops here!! Life must move on man, she is moving on and you must do the same. Think about what I said and good luck man.

[roghornio]

Every time I read one of your post you seem to go over the same stuff each time.

You are caught in a loop in your mind, I can only imagine you are cross examining every move, work spoken and how it would be different if you had only said or done something different.

 

You have to realize that what is done is done, there is no going back and undoing. Life is not a rehersal unfortunately.

You have to accept that things can never be changed and the best you can do is learn from your past mistakes so you never make them again.

Listen to Fox he is right. She is no longer doing this to you, she has not for a long time. You are doing this to yourself. The sooner you let go the sooner all this will pass![COLOR=black][FONT=&quot][/FONT][/COLOR]

[Peter_pan]

yeah i do apologize, i do realize i am looking at it from every angle etc. i just felt so so low when i woke up.

 

your right she hasnt hurt me for a long time. it is myself, i need to break the cycle !

 

and somehow forgive myself.... which ive never had to do before, since i hate losing and love to be "right"

[Surfer Dude]

Dude, I haven't been on this forum for like 1.5 months. Are you still obsessing over this?

 

Let her go. She's not a part of your life and you're not a part of hers. Everyone has been telling you to let it go for months, and you never do.

 

Let me ask you this:

what does it take for you to forget your ex and move on?

 

IMO, you need to meet other women and sleep with them.

[Peter_pan]

ive not been here for a while either mate. yep your right my friend. its hard cause she was my first and i just completely suck at moving on. and i feel wrong for not staying her friend. i feel like i am in the wrong for that. although i did try to some degree

[GodofNietzsche]

The worst regret I have about my ex was trying to stay her friend.

 

Let me summarize how I felt at the time:

 

I came half way around the world to see you and you cut me off saying it's too hard. But, you're hurting so I want to respect your feelings and do what's best for you.

 

I basically gave her an invitation to sleep with other guys and still be friends with her after I gave up 3 weeks I could have spent in Japan and about $1,500 of my own money (and I was in college).

 

No, I should have told her to go *uck herself. Selfish, stupid child.

[trueblue72ny]

bro, you are stuck in a circle. break out of it. you have to start thinking about yourself! and start doing things for yourself. its not easy, just about anyone here can tell you that! its been almost 7 months for me and i am doing better! not 100% but a lot better now that i started doing things for myself. to top it off i work with my ex gf!!! it is torture somedays, yes, but if i can get over it, you can too!

 

when she told you sh wanted to contact you but said she didnt because she thought you wantedher back, right then you should of said " i dont know what your talking about" "i dont know why you would think that" "im good" tell her you are doing great and are having fun in life.

[Surfer Dude]

The worst regret I have about my ex was trying to stay her friend.

 

Let me summarize how I felt at the time:

 

I came half way around the world to see you and you cut me off saying it's too hard. But, you're hurting so I want to respect your feelings and do what's best for you.

 

I basically gave her an invitation to sleep with other guys and still be friends with her after I gave up 3 weeks I could have spent in Japan and about $1,500 of my own money (and I was in college).

 

No, I should have told her to go *uck herself. Selfish, stupid child.

 

Don't regret anything. It's all in the service of learning through your mistakes and becoming a better person by realizing your mistakes. Regret is unnecessary. We learn as we live.

 

On a side note, LDRs suck. You're the only guy who ever went to Japan and wanted to maintain relationship with his girlfriend at home. You should've been dating all the J-sweeties instead of focusing on this one "relationship". Damn, let me stand in Harajuku or Shibuya for 5 minutes and I already see 100 women I'd sleep with

 

@Peter:

 

There's really no use of being stuck in this cycle of regret and pining. There's nothing to gain dude. You're only wasting your time and shortening your life with stress.

[sultry33]

Hi Peter,

First stop saying sorry.. i feel similar to you and just today i had a damn dream:sick:

dreamt it was his birthday i was running late.. texted him no reply.. then in my dream i felt like we was over..

woke up and it was painful...

 

can say that it has almost been a year for me and inbetween that time we got together now an then..i eventually stopped that so i ended us in the end.

Also i have dated.. had few worthless rs and meaninless sex lol

but im here strong and getting through.

 

We all have regrets..flashbacks pain you just got to accept it and get busy..

 

only big regret id have now is if i let him back to break me again.

 

hugs to you xx

[Peter_pan]

when she told you sh wanted to contact you but said she didnt because she thought you wantedher back, right then you should of said " i dont know what your talking about" "i dont know why you would think that" "im good" tell her you are doing great and are having fun in life.

 

yeah i said right of course (sarcastically) and then said well i dont now do I! and she looked shocked.

 

so staying mates sounds like it wouldnt work anyway. and yeah i am stuck and need to break free ! argh

 

i did tell her i am having fun and have had great times made new really good friends that wont let me down and im happy, but not happy at what pain you put me through all this time.

 

and i dont know why she would get upset and run off. thats totally strange... to me that says she isnt over it and wasnt indifferent

 

 

thanks for the responses i appreciate them. i know im stuck and need help getting un stuck

[Peter_pan]

after a lot of thinking i have concluded that i feel angry and lonely at what happend and that it annoys me so much that when she met him, he just used his money position to get her. and the way in which he stepped into what i considered my role just hurts me, and for her to tell me through an email about him and never have a proper conversation about it well i dont even know what to say about that. i thought she loved me more than that. thats what hurts.

 

i know we were going through a rough patch and it could have been sorted, but he came along right at the wrong moment for us.

 

she even told my mate we werent getting along, and then along came (his name). grrrrr so angry.

 

i feel hurt because she could just move on so fast like within weeks. yea she could have been emotionally detached for longer but the signs were not there and a month before it all she was telling me about dreams of what our child would look like.

 

i feel hurt and angry because it took me years with her to build up my world with her and everything in it. we always did things together, never let each other down. she was the only person i trusted in the world

 

basically this is why i am having a hard time breaking the cycle.

 

i just cant forget her and what we had. god i sound so pathetic its unreal.

 

i feel as though in my heart me and her should be together, there is no one else. and i know that sounds stupid to say since im young and there are millions of other girls out there. but i believe she is one in a million.

 

or maybe i just thought she was, thats part of it to, the disappointment. i will admit she is the biggest let down in my life to date.. i seriously thought she would always be there, or maybe that was me being to selfish or taking her for granted

 

 

o dear wat have i become. i seriously need sorting out

[northstar1]

after a lot of thinking i have concluded that i feel angry and lonely at what happend and that it annoys me so much that when she met him, he just used his money position to get her. and the way in which he stepped into what i considered my role just hurts me, and for her to tell me through an email about him and never have a proper conversation about it well i dont even know what to say about that. i thought she loved me more than that. thats what hurts.

 

i know we were going through a rough patch and it could have been sorted, but he came along right at the wrong moment for us.

 

she even told my mate we werent getting along, and then along came (his name). grrrrr so angry.

 

i feel hurt because she could just move on so fast like within weeks. yea she could have been emotionally detached for longer but the signs were not there and a month before it all she was telling me about dreams of what our child would look like.

 

i feel hurt and angry because it took me years with her to build up my world with her and everything in it. we always did things together, never let each other down. she was the only person i trusted in the world

 

basically this is why i am having a hard time breaking the cycle.

 

i just cant forget her and what we had. god i sound so pathetic its unreal.

 

i feel as though in my heart me and her should be together, there is no one else. and i know that sounds stupid to say since im young and there are millions of other girls out there. but i believe she is one in a million.

 

or maybe i just thought she was, thats part of it to, the disappointment. i will admit she is the biggest let down in my life to date.. i seriously thought she would always be there, or maybe that was me being to selfish or taking her for granted

 

 

o dear wat have i become. i seriously need sorting out

 

Peter, I understand your feelings. For months I agonized over past events, and conversations and things I'd wished I'd done/said differently. And in my mind, had I done these things, it may have turned out differently.

Finally I realized that replaying this crap in my head was never going to ch ange the future. I had to let go of the regret, because it was consuming me inside and keeping me stuck in the past.

 

You need to stop thinking that you should be together and you'll never find another girl or feelings like this.

 

Being blunt mate, things happen in life, and things end in life (Jobs, college, friendships, relationships). You appreciate the good times from those, and learn from the bad and use that to figure out what it is you want in the future.

 

You will meet great new girls in life, and you'll find happiness again, you've got years of dating ahead of you man, this girl was not your fate.

 

Stop worrying about what she's up to, or how fast she moved on. It's irrelevant to your happiness and life now. It's all about you now.

 

Trust me, I know your pain. I'm not 100% , but I finally got to the point where I was sick of wallowing in pity and regret and losing precious time in my life.

You had good times with this girl - that's great, remember those, she will too - but time to explore new good times man. Seriously.

[Peter_pan]

cheers man, your a good person!

 

i guess at this point i have nothing to say lol. im going to do all that i can to move on and meet new girls. its now or never

[SRV]

Do you think that she is wallowing the way you are?

 

Nope!

 

Time to move on and make yourself a better person. The saddest part will be that you are still the same person she left as time PASSES you by wallowing in regret of what could have been. Meanwhile, you are passing on the opportunities out there because you are stuck in the past.

[Peter_pan]

Do you think that she is wallowing the way you are?

 

Nope!

 

Time to move on and make yourself a better person. The saddest part will be that you are still the same person she left as time PASSES you by wallowing in regret of what could have been. Meanwhile, you are passing on the opportunities out there because you are stuck in the past.

 

true. im not moping about the house and stuff i do go out and have good times, try and meet new people. not living in the city makes it harder to meet new people.

 

ive looked on a dating site and i have a fair few messages from people and you cant read what they say unless you sign up for like £14

 

and yeah i realise they could be computer generated but i dont think they are on this site