Lovelikethesun Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 It seems like my story is nearly the same as everyone elses, except im in a really confusing situation as far as my future living arrangements.. My boyfriend and I have been together on and off for almost four years. He has always lied about the most ridiculous things for no reason. He will lie about the smallest things. When we first met we were together for a month then he moved to texas and we decided to push through a long distance relationship. Long story short (thanks to online social communities aka the biggest source for breakups and the truth) i found out that he was flirtacious with alot of girls who were friends at school and work. Then a year later he moved back to my home state... still the same issues. He would never tell me the truth until I found out myself. he ended up liking a girl in his apartment complex and we broke up because of how much he liked her. Constantly searching through his personal blogs and profiles online became so stressful and a terrible routine that I felt I had to follow in order to know the truth about everything. This i know, is an abusive relationship at this point. But I loved him so dearly that I could never let him and how complete he makes me feel. I would always look him in the eye and ask him if he has done anything that I should know about, and he always said no and that he loves me only and not to worry. I cant begin to tell you all how many times I found flirtacious material in his phone and on the internet. I would start to find drunk pictures of him and girls he told me he never hung out with. He said he was going one place and turn off his phone and not call me until the next day. He moved back to Texas in july and we are now in a long distance relationship. Nothin has changed. its just getting worse. I have zero trust in him now and i have spiraled into a deep depression. The catch is that he is so gorgeous and we share so many wonderful things in common and we have so much history together. We get along so well most of the time. Our fights are mostly because of my trust issues. I still catch him in lies and now i cant ever believe one thing that comes out of his mouth... The lies are more frequent. I just got my cosmetology license and I have a job set up for me where I am moving to. I plan to move in with him in down there. Im just scared to leave him because living with him seems like so much fun and we would always be together and have a good time. As childish as i am sounding i know of all the possibilities. I just feel that if we live together i can help him to stop lying and we can change things. My other option is to leave him and stay in my home state and find a job here. Im just scared that if we break up ill never see him again and i hate thinking about him sleeping and dating other people. I just feel so lost and under his thumb. I dont know what to do anymore or if this will ever change. If you have similar problems i would love to hear them and what you did to resolve the pain and suffering.
e.clipse Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 this sounds a lot like my and my sometimes boyfriend, other times ex-boyfriend. we dated for about 4.5 years, on and off. our biggest issue, aside from evident immaturity and incompatibility, was trust: he didn't trust me, i didn't trust him. like you, i developed a ritual i followed every evening after coming home from work: i would log into my PC and browse around websites, like myspace, his email, his online cell phone billing whatever-thing, and so on. i'd log into his stuff, read the exchanged emails/messages, and would read his phone log and (try to) make a trend of his text message usage. often, i felt like a psycho. however, this, in my jaded mind, was the only way that i could ever possibly know "the truth." to test it, i would ask him things, "oh have you talked to so and so recently?" to which he would answer, "no, not in a while," even though they had just messaged back and forth the night prior. he would look me right in the eye, too, and still lie to me. i never found any concrete evidence of him actually cheating on me, like perhaps a revealing email/message between he and another girl, or him hanging out with a girl, only, when he said he'd be with his friends...no, nothing like that, though. just stupid stuff like him hiding talking to certain girls (about whatever), or him making his online profiles to read "single" when he was with me (this bugged the **** out of me), and just odd things like that. but i never was able to confront him or ask him why he was talking to so and so or why he lists himself as "single" or why blahblahblah, because i wasn't supposed to know these things...these things i only knew due to my spying on him. so, how could i confront him without burning myself first? so now, not only was i going crazy with the spying and tracking and hacking...but the things i did find out...well, what purpose would they serve? to "know the truth"? how is that helpful? it's not like the truth was going to make me leave him, so why did i want to know about all of his lies? all they did was hurt me...and being a spy girl was seriously wearing me out. as such, i've decided that there really is no point in spying. i already know he can be very wretched, and i still remain with him...when he wants, anyway. but yet, i continue to spy because i do want to know the truth...i want to be able to know when he is lying. for what purpose, i do not know. maybe it is just a form of saddism. or extreme stupidity. either way, the way we let this relationships be conducted are shameful, at best.
Island Girl Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 My boyfriend and I have been together on and off for almost four years. He has always lied about the most ridiculous things for no reason. He will lie about the smallest things. So he is a pathological liar or compulsive liar. One of the two - and both are terrible. The point is you can't trust him. You can't believe anything he says. You can't believe anything he tells you. When we first met we were together for a month then he moved to texas and we decided to push through a long distance relationship. Long story short (thanks to online social communities aka the biggest source for breakups and the truth) i found out that he was flirtacious with alot of girls who were friends at school and work. I'll bet he was more than "flirtatious". And you know that too don't you? You know he has all of the signs of not only being a liar but a cheater as well? Then a year later he moved back to my home state... still the same issues. He would never tell me the truth until I found out myself. he ended up liking a girl in his apartment complex and we broke up because of how much he liked her. So he has already discarded you because of another once before. So far he is a liar, cheater, and he completely discarded and disrespected you. Constantly searching through his personal blogs and profiles online became so stressful and a terrible routine that I felt I had to follow in order to know the truth about everything. That sounds great. What a happy, fun, and safe relationship! Ugh. Yuck! You have to double check everything he does and hope you know everything to check. And in the meantime he can be talking to other women by phone and cheating on you - you'd never know unless you follow him every day as well. That sounds horrible. You know when you try to keep someone on a short leash it also traps YOU - because you have to hold the other end of it. Allof that work and yet still no peace for you. This i know, is an abusive relationship at this point. But I loved him so dearly that I could never let him and how complete he makes me feel. I would always look him in the eye and ask him if he has done anything that I should know about, and he always said no and that he loves me only and not to worry. Yes. It is abusive and full of dysfunction at every turn. You are extremely caught up. It isn't love but you keep telling yourself it is. You can't love someone who treats you so badly. You have developed an obsessive compulsion when it comes to him. This could be due to abandonment issues or something else. You look him in the eye and ask him to tell you the truth?!! And you really think that he will?!! Every time?!! ARE YOU KIDDING? You haven't realized that he will always lie? You think somehow looking you in the eye he won't be able to? He has no respect for you and he doesn't love you. He probably lacks the capability to love anybody. I cant begin to tell you all how many times I found flirtacious material in his phone and on the internet. I would start to find drunk pictures of him and girls he told me he never hung out with. He said he was going one place and turn off his phone and not call me until the next day. Yeah - because he lies to you and cheats on you. It is a terrible situation when you are cheating and you SO calls or shows up. Of course he's going to put you aside to do whatever he feels like at the time. He doesn't care if he hurts you or deceives you. He moved back to Texas in july and we are now in a long distance relationship. Nothin has changed. its just getting worse. I have zero trust in him now and i have spiraled into a deep depression. Because you are staying in this situation. You have allowed it to go on. You allow him to treat you badly. You know he lies and cheats -- not just flirts - cheats - and yet you continue to be the doormat he wipes his feet on. If you would think of yourself first - you wouldn't put up with this crap from him or anyone else. Do not continue to degrade yourself by staying with this loser. The catch is that he is so gorgeous and we share so many wonderful things in common and we have so much history together. He is good looking? Yeah, and? There are MANY of them. And they don't all lie and treat women like crap. Don't you think you deserve someone who is good looking AND treats you well? Because he isn't it girlfriend. He's never going to treat you well. It is a lost cause. And the history you share together is a facade. The good memories are all false. You have a history of lies, cheating, deception, betrayal, pain, selfishness, etc. You live with a laundry list of reasons NOT to be with this guy. We get along so well most of the time. Our fights are mostly because of my trust issues. I still catch him in lies and now i cant ever believe one thing that comes out of his mouth... The lies are more frequent. You get along well when you shut your eyes and ears to the truth. You get along well when you don't call him out on his bullsh*t. You get along well when you put up with him doing what he wants when he wants to do it without any regard to your feelings. Yeah I'll bet you have "trust issues". You have those "issues" because he lies to you. You CAN NOT trust him. You would me even more of a fool than you are if you did. And yes you are already a fool for staying with this dirtbag. I just got my cosmetology license and I have a job set up for me where I am moving to. I plan to move in with him in down there. You are just begging for more pain and suffering are you? You haven't had enough yet? You still want to try to live in your fantasy world where he all of a sudden snaps out of his lying and cheating? Where he just miraculously becomes A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON? You really believe those lies that you tell yourself - that he really does love you and he'd never hurt you (EVEN THOUGH HE KEEPS HURTING YOU). Wow. Denial is a powerful thing I guess. If you move to live with him you will waste more of your time on a relationship that will NEVER make you happy. It will NEVER be fulfilling. It will NEVER be secure. Im just scared to leave him because living with him seems like so much fun and we would always be together and have a good time. As childish as i am sounding i know of all the possibilities. I just feel that if we live together i can help him to stop lying and we can change things. You can't help him stop lying. You can't change things. He is the one who has to stop lying and change and he won't. The only change you'll experience is he'll lie to you in person right to your face. And sleep with other women right under your nose. Oh yippeeee. My other option is to leave him and stay in my home state and find a job here. YES. PICK THIS ONE. Im just scared that if we break up ill never see him again and i hate thinking about him sleeping and dating other people. I just feel so lost and under his thumb. You feel under his thumb because you are staying with him. You feel lost because you know you are just waiting for more lies, more betrayal, more pain. But you never know when those blows are going to happen. You are in a boxing ring with an oponent that you KNOW is going to hit you really really hard and you are blindfolded. All you have to do is get out of the ring and it won't happen anymore. But he is such a good looking guy that you just stand there and allow him to pummel you. Grrrreat. What you should be thinking is, "GOOD if I break up with him I never HAVE to see his lying cheating loser butt ever again. He becomes someone else's problem. The source of someone else's pain. I will be FREE!" Get your head on straight for craps sake! I dont know what to do anymore or if this will ever change. I know for a fact it won't. You know it won't. You are just lying to yourself now. If you have similar problems i would love to hear them and what you did to resolve the pain and suffering. The way to resolve the pain and suffering is you break up with him.
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