lynne1973 Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 today is day 25 since I last s/w my b.f. I left him on my b-day Jan 16 and havent looked back since. I loved and still loved him w/all my heart but he is a very toxic man, not good for me in any way at all. yet, it still hurts, thinking bout all the that i've done for him and his boys all the sacrifices i've made to make us work and it all just got to me today I just broke down and cried like a baby.... and what hurts most is he hasn't even made any real attempt to show any remorse for what he has done. all he's done really since the break up is just blow smoke and leave angry mssgs cuz i haven't taken any of his calls. and even then he hasn't called since 10 days ago now. my heart is hurting to face the fact that if he really cared at all about me to begin with then it wouldn't be so easy for him to just let me go. i know he's not a good man, a liar and a cheater, a very toxic selfish man indeed. and i hate the fact that i still am missing him and hurting over this like crazy. hurt like this is just so unfair and the sad part is, after everything is said and done, i would actually be willing to forgive him and take him back, if he showed me at least an ounce of a sincere apology...i know i'm doing the right thing by cutting him off cold turkey and going NC but i'm just not sure how long i can muster up the strength to continue it...
MeMyself&I Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 i know he's not a good man, a liar and a cheater, a very toxic selfish man indeed. and i hate the fact that i still am missing him and hurting over this like crazy. hurt like this is just so unfair and the sad part is, after everything is said and done, i would actually be willing to forgive him and take him back, if he showed me at least an ounce of a sincere apology...i know i'm doing the right thing by cutting him off cold turkey and going NC but i'm just not sure how long i can muster up the strength to continue it... Lynne, I first want to say that I understand your feelings. I have been in many abusive relationships--physically and emotionally. And until recently have not had the inner strength to stick up for myself and end one (I broke up with my EX a month ago. He was an abuser but an emotionally unavailable man). You say he is NOT a good man. A liar, cheater etc. so look deep down into yourself and see what makes you want to stay with such a man. I don't doubt that you love him but you need to reach down deep inside and realize you are worth more. You said, "the sad part is, after everything is said and done, i would actually be willing to forgive him and take him back, if he showed me at least an ounce of a sincere apology". His words would mean nothing if he says he's sorry. He will do the minimum of what he needs to do to get you back because he knows he can (Question?? Have you left him before and how long were you together?) Until he shows he has made changes by his actions, nothing will change. If you go back to him, nothing will be different. I think it speaks clearly that after treating you so badly he calls and continues to be verbally abusive to you on the phone trying to make it your fault. I know just because he is "not a good man" as you put it that this does not just erase your feelings. You are beaten down. You need to NOT CONTACT him!! Use this time to heal the insecurities in yourself that makes you want to return to such a relationship. You are worth love, respect and fidelity. He is an emotional leech. He wants to draw you back in and then empower himself by making you feel worthless and not worthy of him. I don't know him. I'm only going by what I read. I am not disregarding your feelings for him. But you need to maintain the space you have established from him and take care of YOU! I'll be thinking about you!
Author lynne1973 Posted February 20, 2009 Author Posted February 20, 2009 thx 4 ur empowering words of encouragement and hope, M.M.& I. and the fact of the matter is you are so right. I do believe it is more of an emotional power trip men like mine thrive on. I was with him for a yr and a half before I finally said enough was enough. it just all got too much. it was a long distance relationship which i was willing to go along with till we could be together like we planned. but the problem was I was the one doing mostly all the hard work trying to fight to keep it alive. while he didn't do any work at all, just sat back and kept taking and taking from me. I did alot for him and his boys, was the one who was making all the trips once a month so that we could see each other and keep this thing alive. (im in fla he is in Jamaica, he didn't have his visa passport as yet)and after all that, i find out at the end he had been womanizing before, during, and after me with women that come and go down there to see him. it was that plus a whole lot of other issues that just always made me feel he was not being honest with me and it turns out i was right, i was being strung along. so i walked away from it all last month on my birthday... today after a month of NC i finally broke it to get some things off my chest for some final closure and after 2 hrs of going in circles about it all with him on the phone, he basically finally said, that he really cares about me so much, that he was starting to fall in love with me but was hesitant cuz he didn't know if I would end up hurting him. and then he said he's glad he held back afterall cuz how I did ended up up and leaving him....he claims I should have been willing to endure and stand the test of time and see it thru to the end instead of just leaving. i told him i did hold on for over a year for him but got me nowhere cuz he just continues with his promiscous ways and never did change. and I cannot continue to keep risking my heart and health due to his constant womanizing....
MeMyself&I Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 thx 4 ur empowering words of encouragement and hope, M.M.& I. he claims I should have been willing to endure and stand the test of time and see it thru to the end instead of just leaving. i told him i did hold on for over a year for him but got me nowhere cuz he just continues with his promiscous ways and never did change. and I cannot continue to keep risking my heart and health due to his constant womanizing.... Wow! The first line of this was like deja vu for me. When I tried to talk to my Ex after I broke up with him he said almost the same thing. Now my Ex never cheated on me BUT he was an emotionally unavailable man. I, like you, seemed to make all the effort to keep the relationship going. That first line, IMO, is a way out. They turn it around on you. You should have held on (while I emotionally abused you). You showed you didn't love me (because you stood up for yourself and decided you deserve better). I sometimes wonder if my Ex wasn't looking for a way out and I gave it to him. This is just my opinion. He is a womanizer and thrives on having women around. I'm sorry, it sounds like you were just another one around to boost his ego. I'm NOT saying he did not care. IDK I can't read his emotions cause I don't know him--plus how good are we at that anyway. If I was better at this I would have known my ex cared. But he wouldn't tell/show me til after I broke up with him and then it was very subtle both verbally and physically. Okay.....I digress again. So how did you leave it with him after the talk? I think you should run and run away fast. He used you, disrespected you and trampled on your feelings when all you did for him was show him love and support. I know it's hard. I've held onto love for men that have physically beat me and emotionally torn me down. Stop the cycle now........you are worth more. See this is even good for me to hear from for myself !!
Author lynne1973 Posted February 20, 2009 Author Posted February 20, 2009 thx again, M,M,I. at the end of the convo on the phone w/him, I just basically told him if I really made any difference in his world, then he wouldn't have done what he did. I told him a man can sex this girl and that girl and its all fun and games to him but when he finds that special one he really wants to be with, nothing will keep him away, he will move heaven and earth to keep her with him. and that he's a grown man, he knows what he needs to do if he really wants me. and if he can just give me up that easily, then apparently I didn't mean enough to him to fight to keep me and just left it at that. so now the ball is in HIS court...
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