cek Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 When my boyfriend first told me he just wanted to be friends, he said that he didn't want to lose me forever. I'm not sure what that means. Any hidden message in that? Maybe that he wants to try a relationship again in the future? By the way, please check out my other post, "How do I get out of the just friends zone?" It gives more details regarding the relationship. I of course appreciate all advice, but I am interested in the male perspective. I also read another post about how the dumper DOES in fact feel remorse. Could that play into wanting to keep me as a close friend? In recent conversation, he has expressed an openess to a relationship again in the future. I'm very much in love with him, and feel that I found "the one". Basically, he ended things because I gave the WRONG impression that my intentions were a friendship. I wanted much more than that, and still do. I'm not sure how to express that without going overboard. Also, I've changed a lot since he decided he'd prefer a friendship. How do I, or even can I, show him that I truly have changed? Advice is greatly appreciated.
diskey23 Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 it means he wants to get with other girls & keep you on the back burner in case he doesn't find anything better. i hear "friends" on here a lot & i dont believe any of it. im sure if this guy and (for the sake of the arguement) his gf wanted to double date, he would LOVE just to have you and your bf to go out together, give me a break. situations like this, are just those who want their cake & eat it too. i didnt read your other post, how old are you two?
Author cek Posted February 18, 2009 Author Posted February 18, 2009 it means he wants to get with other girls & keep you on the back burner in case he doesn't find anything better. i hear "friends" on here a lot & i dont believe any of it. im sure if this guy and (for the sake of the arguement) his gf wanted to double date, he would LOVE just to have you and your bf to go out together, give me a break. situations like this, are just those who want their cake & eat it too. i didnt read your other post, how old are you two? Interesting interpretation. I may have mentioned it before, but he has recently expressed an openess to a relationship again. Basically, what had happened was that I gave the wrong impression that I only wanted a friendship. I wanted much more, but due to past experiences, I didn't know any better. My family is not openly affectionate (except between women and young children) and I was mercilessly made fun of all through school due to a deformity. He and I are both disabled with the same disorder, however, I am less affected by it physically. When I was growing up, boys had no interest in me, and I was never anything more than just another friend. I didn't realize until later that I had acted the same way with my boyfriend. I have since sought guidance counseling and made great progress. The dilema is now how to show him the progress I've made without coming across as needy or overly emotional. I fell in love with him, and still am very much in love with him. I believe in "the one", and I believe he is the one for me. Yes, I know there are "many fish in the sea", but I truly believe I found the "fish" I want to keep. Call me a hopeless romantic, but I want to be with him for the rest of my life. By the way, he and I are in both in our mid 20's.
BCCA Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 my boyfriend first told me he just wanted to be friends It doesn't get any clearer than that. I'm sure he thinks you're a cool person and all, but he doesn't want to be your boyfriend. He's being selfish by saying he doesn't want to lose you. Why do you think he misunderstood that you just wanted to be friends?
Author cek Posted February 21, 2009 Author Posted February 21, 2009 my boyfriend first told me he just wanted to be friends It doesn't get any clearer than that. I'm sure he thinks you're a cool person and all, but he doesn't want to be your boyfriend. He's being selfish by saying he doesn't want to lose you. Why do you think he misunderstood that you just wanted to be friends? I know exactly why he misunderstood my intentions for a relationship. As odd as it may sound, I never really knew how to be affectionate, or even that it's ok. I come from a broken home with family issues. No one in my family shows any affection, except between women and children, and forget about PDA. I didn't even know that I was doing anything wrong, much less what it was. I was also mercilessly bullied all through school, and didn't even think anyone would have an interest in me. More specifically, it was the way I acted and spoke around him. Because of the bullying, I never believed him when he said I was beautiful, or that he loved me. I didn't think anyone was capable of thinking that about me. More recently, he and I have talked about all these things. He expressed openess to possibly another try at a relationship. He also expressed sincere remorse for hurting me. And I didn't promt or ask him for any of it. I'm attending guidance counseling for my own issues. Now that I've made progress, I'm not sure how to go about showing the change to him. I know I love him very much, and in my heart, I think I found the "one". I don't know that I could forgive myself if I let him be the "one that got away".
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