Dexter Morgan Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 The OP is asking for help and is actually getting some kind help and she is in the "right path" and you are bashing her... LMFAO....asking for help? ya, advice for how to handle Valentine's day with a MM.....get real. Have you been propositioned by these types of women? If you have, I am sorry that has happened to you. That must have been very difficult---I cannot even begin to imagine the insult you must have felt ! Yes, I have been propped by a few "taken" women. And yes, it was an insult. They thought I was the type of d!ckhead that would mess around with a married/"taken" woman. One woman took it well, the other didn't like it at all that I turned her down because she was "taken".
Author Sandy223 Posted February 19, 2009 Author Posted February 19, 2009 ...you are focusing on the wrong thing. Its not no contact on V day its the fact that he is married to someone other than you. He knows that and saying no contact on V day is hte problem just allows him to make excuses and charm you into giving him another chance promising he wil never do anything like that again. Just tell him married man make bad boyfriends. Bye bye its been fun. That needs to be your mantra. Thank you! You are correct ... one of the reasons I am avoiding his phone calls right now, and everything else ... is because I need to get away from this to get clarity ... I am also going in for my biopsy tomorrow morning and scared about that .... That is really what this is about ... I got the cancer scare on Friday ... couldn't do anything about it for three days (monday was a holiday) .. cried all weekend, scared to death .. and they are not done testing ... and then on top of it, no V-day message from him ... No, it's not about that at all .... but these two things that happened this week are the driving force ... it's easier to hang your hat on the V-day mess up ... that is the surface "issue" ... Now, I am glad this happened .... it was the sign I needed to get me to wake up and move away from this situation ... If I decide to even speak to him again, I am not really going to blame anything about the V-day, but I will throw it in there.... this is about me doing a 360 and realizing completely that this R with him is just about the last thing I need right now or ever. Life is short ... S*it happens ... you need a life partner you can rely on and who can rely upon you.... this is crap.
jj33 Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Good for you. Exactly. Life is short. I used to think life is short and love is a gift and blah blah to justify being in the A. But its the opposite. Life is short and you need to spend it with people who are 100% committed to you. You need to focus on your health and being strong even if its just a scare and its all benign (which we all hope for you of course) this is your wake up call. And yes you can throw that in, but dont let him hang onto V day as a way of saying he can do better. He cant. He is married. Take good care
desertmoon Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 LMFAO....asking for help? ya, advice for how to handle Valentine's day with a MM.....get real. Yes, I have been propped by a few "taken" women. And yes, it was an insult. They thought I was the type of d!ckhead that would mess around with a married/"taken" woman. One woman took it well, the other didn't like it at all that I turned her down because she was "taken". I think you intentionally missed the whole point of her post...and reduced it to "how to handle Valentine's day with the MM"..but that's ok..it is obvious why you are here and why you respond to these posts...you are bitter and angry and obviously still not over being royally screwed by your wife. You have nothing to say to people in this particular situation the would help them. You come here to vent your anger. You do not know this people..neither do I--nobody does...Your words are abusive, your tone is abusive. You do not know why this people are in this kind of relationship...many have abusive past and you are (it SEEMS) here on a mission to squash their spirit....perhaps because you believe in your heart of hearts cheaters do not deserve any kind of courtesy or kindness...well..hey, you don't get to make that call, actually..you are not God..and if you think you are...time to make an appointment with your Psych MD. Got "propped" by a few women? Imagine how low desperate women go....
whichwayisup Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 I hope your biopsy goes well and all is OK. Let us know as soon as you know the results.. As for the (ex)MM he isn't worth your love, energy or time. You may love him and love how he makes you feel, but at the end of the day he's still chosen to stay married and what you want from him, you'll never get.
Dexter Morgan Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 I think you intentionally missed the whole point of her post...and reduced it to "how to handle Valentine's day with the MM"..but that's ok..it is obvious why you are here and why you respond to these posts...you are bitter and angry and obviously still not over being royally screwed by your wife. You have nothing to say to people in this particular situation the would help them. You come here to vent your anger. Well I do try to stay out of the OM/OW forum and stick to the Infidelity and Cheating section. Help them? help them do what? Most people in the OW/OM section aren't interested in doing the right thing. they want support on how to further their affairs and keep the hurt of someone else in real life going. You do not know this people..neither do I--nobody does...Your words are abusive, your tone is abusive. Abusive? nah...you can stop with the drama. Harsh, sure...but the truth is usually like that. But nothing said on an internet forum is as harsh as what they do to people in real life. You do not know why this people are in this kind of relationship...many have abusive past What does being abused in the past have to do with sleeping with other people's spouses? and you are (it SEEMS) here on a mission to squash their spirit.... Tell that to the BW/BH's. See how they feel about their "spirit". Got "propped" by a few women? Imagine how low desperate women go.... I can understand them wanting someone who is faithful and not a player. And desperate....ya, I guess thats what you'd call people who are married but proposition someone outside their marriage. Good call!!
Author Sandy223 Posted February 20, 2009 Author Posted February 20, 2009 Well I do try to stay out of the OM/OW forum and stick to the Infidelity and Cheating section. ... well, do us all a favor, and stay out of it please ... unless you have something more constructive to say.
whichwayisup Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 Sandy, how did things go today with your biopsy?
desertmoon Posted February 21, 2009 Posted February 21, 2009 Well I do try to stay out of the OM/OW forum and stick to the Infidelity and Cheating section. You are NOT trying hard enough....focus...you can do better ! Help them? help them do what? Most people in the OW/OM section aren't interested in doing the right thing. they want support on how to further their affairs and keep the hurt of someone else in real life going. Key word: MOST...but some do want to get out...if some can be helped...or one can be helped...this support board has done it's job! so c'mon now...let up, huh? Abusive? nah...you can stop with the drama. Well, you know how you make calls and judgments about how wrong and how bad one act is or a person is...well..my call is YOUR WORDS AND TONE are ABUSIVE...you can all it harsh, I call it ABUSIVE.. Harsh, sure...but the truth is usually like that. But nothing said on an internet forum is as harsh as what they do to people in real life. Oh really? is that why some people actually commit suicide over things posted about them on the net? What does being abused in the past have to do with sleeping with other people's spouses? You do not know in many cases there is a connection? tsk, tsk...google some studies... Tell that to the BW/BH's. See how they feel about their "spirit". That's already a given. But this is the other side of the story. The focus is on the OW/OM. I can understand them wanting someone who is faithful and not a player. And desperate....ya, I guess thats what you'd call people who are married but proposition someone outside their marriage. Until they find out, nooooo....i won't go there....
NoIDidn't Posted February 21, 2009 Posted February 21, 2009 The word abusive is really overused. Harsh is one thing. Abusive is criminal. While I disagree with his tone, its far from criminal.
desertmoon Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 The word abusive is really overused. Harsh is one thing. Abusive is criminal. While I disagree with his tone, its far from criminal. Do you want to be technical about it? I suggest you check the meaning of the word "abusive"- not all abuses are criminal....while it may be wrong and unethical, it takes more than just to label it an "abuse" one has to prove it in the court of law to make it criminal. or...are you just disagreeing for the sake of disagreeing? The OP came to this particular site, on this particular board for help, support, guidance---not to be belittled and ridiculed...doing that to another human being no matter how much you disagree with her choices is characteristic of an abusive individual. Why? because clearly that particular individual has no desire to help but to vent and get some needed release from his own anger now directed at someone who is a stranger because he/she "represents" the spouse who betrayed him... It is different when you are here to give the BS's "perspective", I believe that is welcomed...
Author Sandy223 Posted February 22, 2009 Author Posted February 22, 2009 Hi everyone ... had the biopsy on Friday, won't know until Monday, but the doctor wasn't overly concerned on Friday afternoon. Guess he saw the tissue samples a/f the procedure, and has probably seen enough of them to be a little more certain, so I am feeling better. But, I do think I am in trouble. I fell in love with someone who is unavailable, at a time in my life where time is so valuable. I went on a second date tonight with the guy from this Wednesday, and it was awkward. He is a nice guy, but he kept saying the same thing over and over, and talking about a bug he killed at the neighborhood dinner over and over again, and how they wouldn't give him a free meal. Guess he was nervous, and I won't hold it against him - I will go out with him again if he asks .... I need to keep moving forward. Another new person called me this week, and I might see him next week. I am also going out with a good friend on Tuesday ... he has been divorced for three years; and his ex-was horrible to him so he is struggling with some issues ... e.g., it's not likely that he will be emotionally available anytime soon, but it does help to move forward and I enjoy his company. As for the MM - I am scared to death - scared that I will pay dearly for this. He did call a bunch of times last week after I cancelled ... asking me if I was mad at him. I told him that I was not mad at him (which is true, by the way ... I am just hurt and not liking this). I didn't stay on the phone long with him ... and in the same conversation he talked about taking me on a trip .... I told him we could discuss it later, that I wasn't sure. Bottom line is, I am not going away with him, but was in such a fog all week because of all i have been dealing with ... it is always better to communicate with people, no matter who they are, when you are feeling emotionally grounded. I don't like expressing myself when I am feeling thrown by something ... always better to get your center back first. So, that is what I am working on now ... for my own sake. I told him I might be able to see him March 4th ... that is two weeks from this Wednesday, and now I am planning on what to say (if I choose to go through with it). I will tell him that I have feelings, but am not comfortable with the situation. That I need an equal and consistent partner; granted, this hasn't been going on that long, but you always mention "we" and what you do as a couple, and I don't want to live your married life with you... And, I need tokens of affection on the appropriate holidays ... I am not talking about expensive gifts ... I am talking about avoiding sharing something that could have a feeling or meaning attached to it ... He will probably apologize, and I will tell him there is no need to be sorry because he should be himself too ... and, when he asks how I have been (which he always does), I will tell him the hell I have been through with this scare .... ... then he will know that I didn't tell him because he is not the consistent and equal partner that I need .... I will let him know too that if it weren't for this scare, I probably wouldn't now be addressing the issues. And, that is that ... ... I did share things with this person, and it wasn't all bad ... I think I would feel better telling him how I feel and in person. .... I am so scared right now though ... I can't tell if my date was bad because of him (which I don't think it was) or if I just didn't connect with the new guy... I am scared that I love him and won't be able to walk away ... I am scared that he will end up becoming a better married bf to keep me around ... I want clarity and closoure one way or another ... I know that I cannot continue like this ... I am distraught an feeling unbalanced ... the cancer thing threw me for such a loop ... I feel like someone dropped me on my head ... I know that he is not the answer, and not what I need right now ... at this point, as of this moment, it is my intention to speak my piece clearly and to the point ... without any big emotion .... I just want to be direct and matter of fact. It will make me feel better ... like I was able to take charge/control of the situation, and handle it with grace..... ... If I am not ready to talk to him after I have had this space, I can always cancel later .... at this point I just wasn't ready to hang up on him, and I hope and pray that by the time I am supposed to see him I gain even more clarity and strength. Right now I am just trying ... TRYING to give myself a break from all of this, and not doing something that I will regret later ... eg., like forecfully telling him to go to hell, and not ending it like a lady ... or, being a chicken and just disappearing, which I wouldn't like if someone did to me. I want to be graceful, confident and strong ... and, that is what I want him to see and what I am striving to become. Thanks again for listening ... can't tell you how much this board continues to help me
Dexter Morgan Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 ... well, do us all a favor, and stay out of it please ... unless you have something more constructive to say. It is not your choice whether I'm in this forum or not. Its mine. And you don't like what I have to say because it doesn't suit your agenda...an agenda of messing around with someone elses life. So since you are all up on "constructiveness", what is it that is constructive you hope to achieve with a MM?
Dexter Morgan Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 Well, you know how you make calls and judgments about how wrong and how bad one act is or a person is...well..my call is YOUR WORDS AND TONE are ABUSIVE...you can all it harsh, I call it ABUSIVE.. And I call the actions of people like you....people who screw with other people's spouses ABUSIVE to the BS. Funny how what I say in a forum is suppose to worse that what people like you do to others in real life. Get real. Oh really? is that why some people actually commit suicide over things posted about them on the net? So someone is going to commit suicide on the net over what someone said? Yes, it happens. But if they are that sensitive, then why aren't they thinking about the person they are hurting in real life? Of course, they don't care then. Their hurt is their problem, huh? You do not know in many cases there is a connection? tsk, tsk...google some studies... I don't give two squirts of piss about any so-called connection to abuse and sleeping with other people's spouse. Oh ya, betrayed spouses should understand and comfort the person that is sleeping with their spouse because of their past? Don't think so. Someone past doesn't excuse them from sleeping with someone elses spouse or cheat on their spouse. But hey, I know since you are partial to sleeping with someone's spouse yourself, of course you understand and sympathize:rolleyes:
desertmoon Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 And I call the actions of people like you....people who screw with other people's spouses ABUSIVE to the BS. Maybe. But I do believe in order for it to be abusive the MM's wife has to have knowledge of the the alleged "abuse" and her life has to be negatively impacted by it....so go fish! Funny how what I say in a forum is suppose to worse that what people like you do to others in real life. Get real.Nobody said it is worse or better. Everybody agrees infidelity/affairs are not good situations (to say the least). I am getting real here. It exist-for whatever reason-whether you like it or not. So someone is going to commit suicide on the net over what someone said? Yes, it happens. But if they are that sensitive, then why aren't they thinking about the person they are hurting in real life? Of course, they don't care then. Their hurt is their problem, huh?Well, yes their hurt is their problem, who else would it be? certainly not yours...BTW, my comment about people actually committing suicide for which you agree, was a general response to your flippant statement of harsh words on the net are nothing compared to what people do in real life. That is naive and quite frankly, ignorant-many lives have been decimated by words (harsh words)said on the net. I don't give two squirts of piss about any so-called connection to abuse and sleeping with other people's spouse.Nice language. Oh ya, betrayed spouses should understand and comfort the person that is sleeping with their spouse because of their past? Don't think so. Someone past doesn't excuse them from sleeping with someone elses spouse or cheat on their spouse.Convenient for you to miss the point. The point is, if at all possible do not use abusive words or tone because we do not know the background of anybody here. We do not know why they are in the situation they are in. Why do they "settle' with men/women who are already in relationships?etc.etc. So why add to that by being abusive to them ourselves? Although, it is very possible, that they had perfectly good, normal pasts...we just don't know. Your being a BS does not give you any right ( or excuse) to be abusive to other OWs/OMs. Your pain is your own-keep your anger, bitterness and resentment to yourself or direct it to your WS or pillow. But hey, I know since you are partial to sleeping with someone's spouse yourself, of course you understand and sympathize:rolleyes:Of course ! It also seems apparently why you are a BS. Look, the OP is making strides here...we want her to do the "right thing", right? so you guys of the higher moral ground should be encouraging her!
Author Sandy223 Posted February 22, 2009 Author Posted February 22, 2009 Desert Moon - why do you encourage him??? (Dexter) ... clearly, his only motive here is to attach and make people feel badly. He is obviously in a lot of pain, and can only deal with his issues through anger. That is OK for him if it works ... hopefully he will exhaust himself from the anger and start handling his own situation in a more constructive way... ... I have disagreed with all sorts of things that people do .. .STRONGLY disagreeed. But, have never had this type of anger unless I situation hurt me so badly that it almost devastated me. Clearly this is what he is going through. No need for any of us to bash him now. I know he hates my guts and thinks I should go to hell, but I don't take it personally.... he's entitled to his opinion, and we can ignore it if it doesn't work for us... (well, it doesn't work for me) .. .
desertmoon Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 I am not "encouraging" Dexter...although it does seem we can't help but engage each other...but it IS your thread and I respect your wishes...
Author Sandy223 Posted February 22, 2009 Author Posted February 22, 2009 Thanks DM .. no disrespect to you either. It is Dexter who has hijacked my thread, and turned into a bashing session ... my first response was to engage him too, as his comments are so provocative ...
sweetxallure Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Thanks DM .. no disrespect to you either. It is Dexter who has hijacked my thread, and turned into a bashing session ... my first response was to engage him too, as his comments are so provocative ... He isn't bashing you. He is telling you the truth. You are willingly messing around with a married man, and then crying about how he doesn't care enough online. I can't even imagine what your reaction might be were YOU the married woman being cheated on. You think that you love this guy? Imagine how his WIFE must feel. What his CHILDREN would think of the women he is cheating with. What his parents and siblings would think of you. Get over yourself. Find a guy that is unattached and make him your own. Then hope like hell he has better standards than you do.
Dexter Morgan Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Of course ! It also seems apparently why you are a BS. Nice try pumpkin. If ya think that hurts me...sorry, it doesn't. But nice try:) Look, the OP is making strides here Really? How so?
Dexter Morgan Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 I am not "encouraging" Dexter...although it does seem we can't help but engage each other.. thats because you seem to follow me around and respond to my posts:)
Dexter Morgan Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Desert Moon - why do you encourage him??? (Dexter) ... clearly, his only motive here is to attach and make people feel badly. He is obviously in a lot of pain, and can only deal with his issues through anger. That is OK for him if it works ... hopefully he will exhaust himself from the anger and start handling his own situation in a more constructive way... ... I have disagreed with all sorts of things that people do .. .STRONGLY disagreeed. But, have never had this type of anger unless I situation hurt me so badly that it almost devastated me. Clearly this is what he is going through. No need for any of us to bash him now. I know he hates my guts and thinks I should go to hell, but I don't take it personally.... he's entitled to his opinion, and we can ignore it if it doesn't work for us... (well, it doesn't work for me) .. . Nice try again. I think you mistake anger for simple old disgust at people who like to hurt other people in real life. I'm actually very calm.... see ---->
Dexter Morgan Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 He isn't bashing you. He is telling you the truth. You are willingly messing around with a married man, and then crying about how he doesn't care enough online. Well I will admit that I'm coming off harsh, but the truth is usually like that and in no way does it compare to what their victim is going through. But yes, I'm wondering what kind of "help" someone is looking for that is involved with a married man and wants to know what to do about Valentine's day. I'm mean sheesh!!
Author Sandy223 Posted February 23, 2009 Author Posted February 23, 2009 Nice try pumpkin. If ya think that hurts me...sorry, it doesn't. But nice try:) ... sorry I missed that ... Destertmoon .... I don't think it's appropriate to bash him either. And, you are saying that you are hear to be helpful .... but how on earth does telling someone you can see how they were the BS help ANYONE? ... and the help I am looking for is to work through this ... When people don't value themselves, they do stupid things ... they hide from themselves, and don't think about how doing things to make them feel "good" end up hurting themselves and others. ... I was upset about V-day, because I care for the person ... but should NEVER have gotten involved with him to begin with ... ... But, now, that I have gotten to this point, I need support ... and, in fact, these comments (even from you Dexter), aside from the fact that I felt badly about him ... have prompted me to re-evaluate everything and pull away from him ... AND NOT just because of V-day. It made me question -- what the heck are you doing???? So, this board is very helpful ... and when people are so distraught they need help working through things. Anyway ... this post is totally over. I broke up with the guy, and resolved my V-day problem! There. Now it's just one day at a time getting through what I have just put myself through.
Dexter Morgan Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 ... I was upset about V-day, because I care for the person Why do you care for a man that cheats on his wife? think that if you were with him he wouldn't do the same to you? ... but should NEVER have gotten involved with him to begin with ... Then its time to get out. do right by his wife AND yourself and find a man that isn't married. They are out there. why on earth you settle for a cheating man is beyond me. Anyway ... this post is totally over. I broke up with the guy, and resolved my V-day problem! There. Now it's just one day at a time getting through what I have just put myself through. Fantastic!!! Nobody deserves a cheater and a dog. Now find yourself one of those great single guys out there that will respect you.
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